This chapter begins “Part Three, The Descent Beckons.”  Why do I bring this up?  Well, because I can’t figure out why it exists.  We’re not entering a new story arc, we’re just continuing right along from the last chapter.  If we wanted to get into a new arc, it should have happened back when Jace got kidnapped and Hodge turned traitor.  But this here?  This is nothing.  And it’s not done for aesthetic reasons, because these ‘Parts’ aren’t split up in any logical manner.  Part Three here only has the final three chapters in it.  So what the fuck is the point of the split?

Luke takes over narrating for this chapter.  As in, he takes over for the narrator.  It’s a full chapter of him just straight-up being a first person narrator.  He’s not even talking, because I can’t imagine any sort of situation in which anyone would talk this much.  (And also there’s no quotation marks, unless someone in the story he tells says something.)  It doesn’t read like a story someone would tell; it reads like a story someone would write.  It’s almost like Luke is reading his diary or an epic letter to her, rather than telling her the story of his life.

This would honestly be an interesting style choice if it was done in, say, a short story.  It’s a bit whimsical and creative, and on its own, I like it.  But it really only works in something that’s supposed to have that whimsy to it.  Here?  Here I’m just trying to figure out the logistics of how Luke is telling such a long story, or why the fuck he’s doing it in the first place.  (Seriously, guys, this is a lot of talking.)

We grew up in Idris. It’s a beautiful place, and I’ve always regretted that you’ve never seen it: You would love the glossy pines in winter, the dark earth and cold crystal rivers.

And?  Look, I know we moan and cry about the state of the environment (and a lot of those cries are valid), but there are still some gorgeous pines and rivers in this world.  Hell, take her hiking in the Appalachians.  I’ve been there; it’s breathtaking.  Go to Niagra Falls and crawl all over the Three Sisters Islands.  Visit the coastline!  New York State has some flat-out incredible coastlines.  Within a hundred miles of Luke, there are countless beautiful places. 

So why the fuck is Idris’s scenery so damn special?

I would accept that he loves it because he was born there, or because there’s something about the culture that speaks to him (you know, if the hunters had any culture, which we’ve no evidence of), or even if they had magic fairy trees, but just saying that they have pine forests and rivers isn’t cutting it.

So, back in his youth, Luke went to Hogwarts and met Tom Riddle.  Erm, I mean….yeah, that’s what I mean.  Also, Luke was a crappy student, but Jocelyn was an awesome student.

I could not bear the lightest Marks or learn the simplest techniques. I thought sometimes about running away, returning home in shame. Even becoming a mundane. I was that miserable.

Hey, reader?  Are you a mundane?  I’m assuming you are, since magic is fiction and all that.  Well, since you are, THAT MEANS YOU’RE STUPID!  HAHAH!  MUNDANES ARE SO PATHETIC THAT THEY’RE THE LAST RESORT OF THE MOST PATHETIC OF OUR PATHETIC!  YOU ARE SCUM THAT IS BARELY WORTHY OF EVEN READING ABOUT OUR AWESOME ADVENTURES!

There, don’t you feel so much better about yourself now?

So, Valentine tutored Luke and he became decent in school.  Turns out Valentine did the same with all the characters we know about so far.  No, really, Luke doesn’t bother to mention any adult characters that haven’t already been mentioned.  Apparently the Circle consisted of only six people.

Also, Isabelle and Alec’s dad was a mundane.  (So I guess they’re halfbloods.)  But, their dad – Robert – was part of the circle.  He and Maryse are off doing negotiating shit in Magic Invisible Fairy Land.  There’s never been a hint in the story so far that he’s any different from any of the other adults.  WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HUNTER AND A NORMAL PERSON?  So far all we’ve got is “training” and “they can use magic, except no one but dirty half-demons uses magic, lol, fuck your logic.”

Valentine was obsessed with the idea that in every generation there were fewer and fewer Shadowhunters—that we were a dying breed.

So marry more humans.  No, really, if Robert is a mundane but his kids are of the Mysteriously Better Than You class, then obviously cross-breeding is possible and it doesn’t negate the magic-but-not-magic.  Have everyone marry outside their little inbred group and boom: next generation is twice as big.

But Valentine thinks the real answer is to make more hunters using the cup.  He thought that all men should be hunters and privy to knowing about the shadow world.  The Head Honchos said that wouldn’t work because the cup doesn’t work on everyone.  And…so?  We’ve already been told that there’s tests done to see who will die or not die beforehand, so it’s not like they have to play russian roulette with the thing.  And there’s no reason to keep the fairies a secret from people who don’t pass the magic bar exam.  Why not take everyone who can handle it and turn them into hunters, and then just inform the rest of the population about what’s going on?  Maybe open a Ninja-Demon-Hunters school for them.  Tell the army and then draw magic marks on their mortar rounds, so they can shoot them at demons.  We’ve seen both Clary and Simon defeat demons while using skills that weren’t derived from magic angel blood, so it’s not like these hunters are all that fucking special.  So why not tell the rest of the world?

GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON, BOOK!

The book ignores me and gives not one single fuck about how little sense it makes.

Valentine, being an idiot, does not make the argument that I just made.  Instead he claims that the Head Honchos are lying and the cup really works on everyone.

We formed the Circle, with our stated intent being to save the race of Shadowhunters from extinction. Of course, being seventeen, we weren’t quite sure how we would do it, but we were sure we’d eventually accomplish something significant.

Option one: fuck your way all across Europe and leave a trail of magic babies behind.  (Eh, they’re seventeen, you know they had to consider this option at least once.)

Option two: go to a reputable news outlet, perhaps with a demon in tow, and say “Hey, look, magic and shit.  Here’s the whole story.  By the by, the people over there have a magic cup that makes you Mysteriously Better.  Go get ’em.”

Valentine’s dad gets killed, and somehow that turns him evil. 

When we left school, they married and went to live on her family’s estate. I also returned home, but the Circle continued. It had started as a sort of school adventure, but it grew in scale and power, and Valentine grew with it.

Gonna need more than that, book.  So far we only know about six Circle members, and we know jack squat about what they do.  Did they add more members?  Were there already more members and we just haven’t heard so much as a whisper about them?  What ‘scale’?  What kind of ‘power’?  What are they doing that’s so powerful?  Did Luke leave the Circle and it got bigger without him?  Did he stay in the Circle and participate via mail?  How am I supposed to follow this story what I don’t even know what the fuck the main participants are even doing?

as a group we hunted Downworlders tirelessly, seeking those who had committed even the slightest infraction.

Oh, so, they do what everyone else in their little group does.  Um…special?

Luke got bit while they were hunting the werewolves that killed Valentine’s father.  No one told the officials about it because…cheese.  I don’t know, it makes as much sense as anything that’s actually in this book.  So Luke changes at the first full moon.  (So, fuck I’m so confused.  Is this a voluntary change or an involuntary change?  And it’s a full moon now, but here’s Luke, all human-i-fied.  So…yeah, I’m going to stick with shapeshifters.)

So, now Valentine hates Luke and kicks him out of the clubhouse.  Luke gets pissy and goes to face the wolf that turned him, then kills the dude in a ridiculously long fight.  (Seriously, authors.  Fights do not last for hours on end.  The body is not made to be able to fight for that long.  Two minutes is long enough to utterly exhaust a reasonably fit adult.  You can go a bit longer with breaks, or with specific endurance training, but I wouldn’t bet on anything longer than ten minutes.)  Anyway, Luke killed the pack leader, so now he’s the pack leader.

They all knew I had once been a Shadowhunter, of course, but it was considered a shameful secret, never spoken of.

Considering these wolves and hunters are each other’s main enemy, you’d think there’d be more hunters wandering around with wolfy bites.

So, Jocelyn finds Luke again and tells him that her kid was a boy that she named Jonathan.  They being secret best buddies again, since Valentine is all crazy and shit.  A few years later, and it’s time for the Accords to be signed again, so yay big deal and all that.  Valentine makes plans to fuck shit up.

They allied themselves with demons—the greatest enemies of Shadowhunters—in order to procure weapons that could be smuggled undetected into the Great Hall of the Angel, where the Accords would be signed.

So, your greatest enemies are demons, but your security system can’t detect demon weapons?  What the fuck is this system looking for, then?

So, Jocelyn and Luke find out Valentine wants to start a fight at the Accords signing, so they tell all the people that he wants to fight and get them to come to Accords signing so they can have a fight.  Yup, you read that right. 

Valentine:  I want to kill a bunch of fairies!

Luke:  Well, to stop you, I’m going to gather up a bunch of fairies and take them to the place where you want to kill them.

Valentine and Fairies: FIGHT!

Fairies:  *die*

Valentine:  Woo-hoo!

And that’s exactly what happened.  God, this whole book is made up of fucking idiots.  Why couldn’t they just tell the Head Honchos what Valentine had planned so that he could be barred from the ceremony where all this went down? 

“A werewolf who fights with sword and dagger,” he said, “is as unnatural as a dog who eats with a fork and a knife.”

“You know the sword, you know the dagger,” I said. “And you know who I am. If you must address me, use my name.”

“I do not know the names of half men,” said Valentine. “Once I had a friend, a man of honor who would have died before he let his blood be polluted. Now a nameless monster with his face stands before me.” He raised his blade. “I should have killed you while I had the chance,” he cried, and lunged for me.

WHO THE FUCK TALKS LIKE THIS?!?!?!

Furthermore, who tells a story like this?  Except when writing, of course.  (More indication that the author doesn’t see these characters as characters, but just as words on a page.)

So, there’s a big massive fight (which could have been avoided through clear and open communication with the authorities, who have not yet been shown to be evil, closed-minded, or even particularly stubborn) and then Valentine gets away, dragging Jocelyn behind him.  Luke gives chase and ends up at their house, where everything is on fire.

For the manor house had been reduced to ashes, layer upon layer of sifting whiteness, strewn across the lawns by the night wind. Only the foundations, like burned bones, were still visible: here a window, there a leaning chimney—but the substance of the house, the bricks and the mortar, the priceless books and ancient tapestries handed down through generations of Shadowhunters, was dust blowing across the face of the moon.

Valentine had destroyed the house with demon fire. He must have. No fire of this world burns so hot, nor leaves so little behind.

If it’s a fire hot enough to burn bricks, then why didn’t the chimney go?  (Also, bricks don’t burn, they crack and crumble apart.  Books and tapestries, on the other hand, burn just fine in a normal fire.)

So, Jocelyn’s parents and her son died, and apparently Valentine did too, because there’s a set of bones for him.  No one in this story bothers to question why he set himself on fire, they just sort of go with it.  Jocelyn and Luke run away to Paris.

We had no money, but she refused to go to the Institute there and ask for help. She was done with Shadowhunters, she told me, done with the Shadow World. 

Why?  Why?  The hunters didn’t ruin your life and kill your kid, Mr. Evil McStabStab did that.  This book, again and again, sprinkles in stuff like this.  It has people act as if the authorities are bad somehow, but never once does it tell us why, or show us something bad they’ve done.  Mostly we just see individuals fucking up, and when there’s any instance of authoritative action, it’s been pretty decent.

Turns out Jocelyn is preggo again, and she sells a locket for money to move somewhere, but she doesn’t tell Luke where.

I knew that if not for the child she carried, she would have taken her own life, and since to lose her to the mundane world was better than to lose her to death, I at last reluctantly agreed to her plan.

This book’s audience:  Well, you guys are better than death, at least.

I was, in the end, too much human—too much Shadowhunter— to be at rest among the lycanthropes.

Because those other shapeshifters…aren’t also just as much human as Luke?  Huh, I guess they were all toads before they got bitten.

I traveled as the wolf without a pack travels: alone,

As opposed to, say, a horse without a herd who travels with other horses?  Seriously, quit with the extra angst.  ‘Without a pack’ does not need to be explained.

Luke decides his life sucks without a girl in it, so he runs off trying to track down Jocelyn.  He winds up in New York and finds one of her paintings by chance, then tracks her down through that.  When he gets to her apartment, Clary opens the door, and that’s the end of the story.

And what have we learned?  FUCKING NOTHING.  Seriously, we already knew the bare bones of Valentine’s story, and all these extra details don’t help us.  We’ve learned nothing more about what he plans to do now, got no hints about what he might be doing with Jocelyn, and there weren’t any surprising twists to the story we already knew.  It’s not like he told this story and put a “but really we were doing good” spin on it.  Furthermore, we went into this story right after Clary got mad about Luke ‘abandoning’ her mother, but we learned nothing about what Luke’s been doing since her mother’s capture.  So why the fuck did we just waste a whole chapter, massive idiocy, and an hour of my time and rage over this?