Ana calls her mom, who is sorry because she can’t come to graduation.  Her husband, Bob, has twisted a ligament.

He’s expected to make a full recovery, but it means he’s resting up, and my mother has to wait on him hand and sore foot.

Either this author has no idea about bodies, or she thinks that a man’s discomfort is so tantamount that he has to be waited on ‘hand and foot’ any time he gets an owie.  Okay, yes, anything to do with injured ligaments is really painful.  But it’s not completely immobilizing.  It’s more of a ‘do all your stuff sitting down’ kind of recovery, not a ‘don’t do anything’ kind.  And they don’t live that far away, I think. 

Put him on the couch with a beer and some nachos, invite one of his friends over to watch a sports game, and there ya go.  He’s resting up just like he’s supposed to, and he’s got someone there in case he needs to hobble away from a house fire.  It’s really not imperative that his wife (does she even have a name yet?) be that person waiting on him the whole time, especially not on the day her daughter is graduating from college.  That tends to be a big deal to people.  (Edit: Her mother lives in Georgia, not nearby.  It is slightly more reasonable that she wouldn’t want to leave Bob for an extended period of time while he’s injured.  On the other hand, it’s a sprained ankle for god’s sake.  All he really needs is someone there in case of emergencies.)

Yet another example of a man’s wants and desires taking precedence over those of a woman, regardless of the scale involved on either side.  I know it’s a minor point compared to all the rest, but in a way, it’s almost worse.  It shows that the misogyny is so deeply ingrained in this book that it touches everything, not just the really obvious bits.

Grey sends Ana an email which is nothing except the dictionary definition of ‘submissive.’  Which, all told, is kind of misleading when it comes to BDSM submission.  It fits, but it also leaves out huge parts of the BDSM role, such as that ‘pesky’ consent deal.  Ana replies with a definition of ‘compromise.’  Grey says she has a point, then immediately tries to berate her for not letting him pick her up for their date.  Proving that he really doesn’t care about the ‘point’ she so passively made with her compromise definition.  She has to fight just to be ‘allowed’ to drive herself to her date.

Doesn’t he understand that I may need to make a quick get­away? Not that my Beetle is quick… but still – I need a means of escape.

This is all starting to sound like a broken record.  Ana comes right up to the point of realizing Grey is a horrible person, but never takes that last little, miniscule step into admitting it, and then just runs straight into stuff she clearly doesn’t want to do, all without us being given a half-way decent excuse for it.

She summarizes another phone conversation with her dad.  Except it’s not her dad, it’s one of her former step-dad’s.  I made a mistake on that point before.  Any time I talked about her dad, I meant ‘Ray,’ who was her mom’s second husband.

Which, really, makes this all even stranger and more misogynistic.  (The summary does, not the step-dad mistake.)  Her mother barely has any impact on her life, despite the fact that she actually has speaking lines in this book.  She barely even counts as a mother, because Ana makes mention of the fact that she has to ‘take care of’ her mother.  On the other hand, here’s Ray.  A man who has had no speaking parts in this book so far, and who we are told always sounds distracted by sports and speaks in grunts.  Her mom is the one that says “I love you… you know that hon­ey?” and her precious words give me a warm glow inside.  Ray doesn’t say a word (that we get to read) and yet My heart swells talking to Ray, and a huge lump knots in my throat.

I love the taciturn men in my life, but this book does not do justice to those kinds of relationships.  It just doesn’t portray them in any kind of sympathetic manner.  Instead, we’re left with the uncomfortable feeling that of course her mom is annoying, while of course her ‘dad’ is perfect and wonderful and supportive, despite not actually doing anything.

Farla covers this much better than I.  Like she said, the problem isn’t that this is a thing.  The problem is that it’s everywhere.  (And in this case, not even well justified.)

The next day, Ana has to repeatedly fend off date requests from Paul.  I don’t know, maybe she smells good, because I can’t think of any reason so many people would be trying so hard to date this girl.  Her only discernible personality trait is ‘whining.’

I wish I could feel more enthused about clothes and make an extra effort, but clothes are just not my thing. What is your thing, Anastasia? Christian’s softly spoken question haunts me.

See?  She even admits that she has no personality.

She meets Grey for their date at his hotel.  He looks awesomely sexy, as always.  They drink more booze.  It’s all very dull, which makes it a bit hard to mock.

“You know this contract is legally unenforceable.”

“I am fully aware of that, Miss Steele.”

“Were you going to tell me that at any point?”

He frowns at me.

“You’d think I’d coerce you into something you don’t want to do, and then pretend that I have a legal hold over you?”

“Well… yes.”

“You don’t think very highly of me at all, do you?”

Well, let’s look over your track record.  Hm…rape, manipulation, general dickery…yeah, I don’t have a high opinion of you.

This is also another point that just highlights that his behavior in the book’s world is suspect.  It’s not just that the author didn’t know certain things, or was bad at communicating what she did know.  She’s aware that this kind of thing looks bad, and she uses Ana to point that out.  She just doesn’t care.

He bullshits about trust, and it’s all so vague that even if I hadn’t read the past twelve chapters, I still wouldn’t believe him.

“Did you have similar discussions with um… the fifteen?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because they were all established submissives. They knew what they wanted out of a relationship with me and generally what I expected. With them, it was just a question of fine-tuning the soft limits, details like that.”

Okay, what the fuck is this?  Does this book really think that every Dom is, like, certified or something?  So once you buy into trusting the system, you can trust everyone in the system?  Does she not realize that trust is given on a person by person basis, and not just to the nebulous Gods of Kink?

Is that what this all comes down to – trust? Surely that should be a two-way thing. I remember his snit when I phoned José.

Oh, Ana.  I want so hard for you to hold onto that thought, but I know you won’t, and it makes me sad.

More food!  He’s pressing her to eat.  Then again, she says she hasn’t eaten all day.  In fact…she rarely eats.  Every time he offers, she says no, but then it’s also pointed out that she didn’t eat earlier either.  And now she hasn’t eaten all day.  Do they both have food issues?  Is this sort of like the slave-wife thing, where the author doesn’t even realize that not eating might be a problem?

Ana declines to go up to his room, saying she wants to stay in public and ‘on neutral ground.’  Grey smiles and says being in public wouldn’t stop him, then takes her to a private dining room. 

I should just change this review to “Ana says she wants something, Grey does the exact opposite of that, and Ana doesn’t bother to protest.”  Repeat ad nauseum.

I really wish this book would stop pointing out that they’re drinking wine while negotiating.  At least then I could pretend like it’s not a factor, like the book is pretending to do.

“I have a strict no-tolerance policy with regards to drugs for all my employees, and I insist on random drug testing.”

Wow… control freakery gone mad. I blink at him shocked.

Um, what?  It’s ‘gone mad’ to enforce a drug policy with your own employees?  What should he do, pass out free bongs?  Regardless of one’s opinion on whether or not drugs should be legalized, it still shouldn’t be considered ‘control freakery’ to simply follow the law. 

For as often as this book is horrid, it’s just as often ‘plain old weird.’

Grey explains to her that he’s been consistently tested in the past, has never done drugs or had a transfusion, and all his partners have been clean.  So, apparently that means there’s no point in him getting tested either.  This makes negative sense.  They don’t know each other, so the point of getting drug tests is not because they’re secretly worried they might have an STI.  It’s to prove to the other person that they don’t have one.  It’s to say “look, in this one case, you don’t have to trust me.  You can trust the doctor.” 

Furthermore, it would serve to build trust, since this is one case where he can prove he’s telling the truth instead of asking her to believe it just because his pants do the hip-hanging-thing.  That’s a lot of how trust is built.  You say a thing, and then you prove that thing true.  After enough times, you don’t have to prove it anymore.

He ordered oysters, and all I can think is “boy, I hope she doesn’t have a shellfish allergy.”  I mean, it’s not like she would say so if she did.  Then the book spends a while thinking it’s clever to describe how ‘fleshy’ the oysters are when she eats one.

“Obey me in all things. Yes, I want you to do that. I need you to do that. Think of it as role-play Anastasia.”

‘Think of it as.’  ‘THINK OF IT AS ROLE-PLAY.’  Not the more accurate “But it ACTUALLY FUCKING IS role-play.”  Well, he probably didn’t say that because he doesn’t think it is/should be role-play with him.

She mentions she’s afraid he’ll hurt him, because he hurt someone in the past.  He explains that the last time, it was an accident.  He tied a rope too tightly during a suspension scene.  I’m not sure why this is supposed to reassure her, because he didn’t say that he…I don’t know, didn’t like that woman, or got carried away in youthful exuberance, or was working through some issues that aren’t at play anymore.  He made a mistake.  He can’t promise that he won’t make another mistake, since the first one was also unintentional.  People aren’t perfect.  It’s way up there on the list of reasons for why communication is so important. 

Hell, he doesn’t even say he made the mistake out of inexperience and he’s better at rope play now.  I guess you could infer that, but it would help if we didn’t have to.  We don’t even know how long ago the mistake was.

Apparently the answer to this problem is just to add suspension to her hard limits.

“Now term. One month instead of three is no time at all, espe­cially if you want a weekend away from me each month. I don’t think I’ll be able to stay away from you for that length of time. I can barely manage it now,” he pauses.

How do you ‘pause’ a string of words?  No, really, how?  I will pay a hundred dollars to anyone who can convincingly do this.  Put it up on youtube, and I’ll paypal you the money. 

But on to the real issue.  One month is an incredibly long time when we’re talking about this kind of a situation.  She’s brand new and she’s intimidated.  She needs a period where she can test things out and gradually move into this.  One month is an eternity for someone doing something they don’t want to do.  And he can’t stay away from her for a single weekend?  That’s an issue that has nothing to do with this contract business.  That’s…that’s like serial-killer-obsessed.  Especially since she has a valid point about needing time for herself and her other friends. 

It’s not sexy to have a man keep you from your friends.  No matter how many books try to tell me this, I will stubbornly refuse to believe it.

He says she can only have one day a month.  Well, one weekend day.  And he gets a mid-week day to make up for it.

Once again, it’s all about the man and his needs, and the woman has to put her needs aside and just deal with it. 

“Three months?” I’m feeling railroaded. I take another large sip of wine and treat my­self to another oyster.

‘Railroaded’ is not the objective for these kinds of negotiations.  That’s more what you want someone to feel during a hostile takeover.  It’s also the big neon flashing sign that says “THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T START WITH THREE MONTHS.”

Grey goes on about how the talk of ‘ownership’ is just get her in the mood, and that he’s totally going to do whatever he wants to her, so she has to trust him.  I really don’t think he understands what ‘trust’ means.  He seems to think that ‘trust = do what I fucking tell you and don’t complain.’  Seriously, there is nothing in here about earning her trust, or her earning his.

God, the more he talks, the more I think ‘trust’ is actually surpassing ‘consent’ on the “Words Christian Grey Just Doesn’t Get” list.  He’s not looking for trust.  He’s looking for blind obedience.

“I can show you how plea­surable pain can be. You don’t believe me now, but this is what I mean about trust. There will be pain, but nothing that you can’t handle.”

Hey, you know what work better?  Small, very controlled and safe scenes where she can experience this herself, preferably without bondage or penetrative sex.  (Mileage may vary on that last one.)  Just a little thing where they can play with very light pain, but there’s no pressure to go further, and no feeling like she has to endure it.  She can feel safe while testing out this new sensation, because feeling safe while going through pain is a huge factor in translating it to pleasure.  In fact, most of the bad part of pain is just being afraid of it.  (At least, the bad part of non-injuring-causing pain.)  Furthermore, proving it to her would make her trust you about all the other stuff, which would make a fuck-ton more sense than just saying “Shut up, I know what I’m doing.”

“Can I modify to say that you will eat at least three meals a day?”

“No.” I am so not backing down on this. No one is going to dictate to me what I eat. How I fuck, yes, but eat… no, no way.

…

“I concede the food and the sleep.”

Well, that was anti-climactic.  Also, this chick has some serious priority issues.  It’s not that food isn’t an important and personal issue, it’s just that it’s so strange that she’s reacting this strongly to it, but not to anything else.

And she consistently doesn’t eat.

I’m starting to get far more worried about Ana’s eating issues than I am about Grey’s.

“All those decisions – all the wearying thought processes behind them. The – is this the right thing to do? Should this happen here? Can it happen now? You wouldn’t have to worry about any of that detail. That’s what I’d do as your Dom. And right now, I know you want me, Anastasia.”

On the one hand, okay, that is a huge draw for that kink.  It’s a legitimate desire and can be explored healthily with someone you trust.

On the other hand, this is coming from Grey, and all without Ana saying that she doesn’t want to make decisions.  In fact, given that she willingly argues with him over minor points (she doesn’t stick to those arguments, but she does make them), I’d say he has no reason to think this is her kink.  He just presents it as if of course she doesn’t want to think, because she’s just a silly little ol weak woman, and thinking be hard, and wouldn’t it be so nice if someone just told her what she wants and what’s right instead?

This is really the sort of thing that’s only not offensive if it comes from the person who’s giving up the control. 

That’s what I’m hindered by in this game of se­duction. He’s the only one who knows and understands the rules. I’m just too naïve and inexperienced.

Yet another sign that the author knows exactly what she’s doing and why it’s wrong, and just doesn’t fucking care.

Either that or she’s too stupid to realize that there is a fix to this problem: decent two-way communication.

They flirt some in a really…weird way, since they’re both teasing the other with the chance that they might have sex on the dining room table, but from Ana’s side it seems less sexy and more vindictive.  “Hah, I can torment you, too” instead of “oo, teasing like this is fun.”  Still, Ana ends up saying she has to go rather than stay for sex, because there’s graduation tomorrow.

“You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all yes sir, no sir. I thought you were a natural born submissive. But quite frankly, Anastasia, I’m not sure you have a submissive bone in your delectable body.”

That’s because you don’t have a fucking clue what makes a good submissive.

She repeats that she has to leave, because she needs space in order to consider everything they’ve talked about.  This constitutes the first sane thing either of them have done so far in this book, and it’s far, far short of making up for anything that came before.

Good god, they’re still in the process of leaving.  How many words can you use to describe just saying goodbye and walking out the door?  The book is trying to spin it like it’s this big dramatic thing, like she might be saying goodbye ‘forever,’ but come on.  This isn’t the first time she’s been afraid of him and yet stuck around anyway.  It’s not even the second or third time. 

Ana cries on the way home and goes on again about how sex isn’t enough of a relationship for her and she needs romance, too.  I’m so fucking sick of this line that I can’t be bothered to care.  There is still no reason given for why she can’t just walk away and have done with it.  Go date Paul.  He’s a tad bit persistent, but at least he steps back when told.

She gets an email from Grey repeating that he wants to make it work, and she remembers all the lines he’s said from the first part of the book about how he doesn’t do romance, and then she goes to sleep while crying.  It’s all very sad, I promise. 

I just went through and realized that I am regularly breaking 3,000 words for each chapter.  That’s longer than a single chapter in my own novel.  I’m not quite sure if that means this book is so bad I have a lot to say about it, or if I’m just really verbose when I rant.