Ana finishes stumbling out of the building, and her thoughts flail around as if she has just made some sort of miraculous escape from a mass murder, not calmly walked away from a pretty man.  It’s quite dramatic, I assure you.

No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why. … Holy crap – what was that?

It was lust, honey, and it’s okay for you to feel it.  Unless you’ve been living a particularly sheltered life, you’ve felt it before.  Perhaps not as strong.  After all, this is Edward Christian Grey we’re talking about.  But really, you should be confused about the intensity, not about the existence of that fickle beast called attraction.

While cruising along the I-5, my mind continues to wander.

But don’t worry, it didn’t cause her to get in a horrible car accident.  No, really, don’t worry.  This could have been a hurt/comfort and BDSM fic.

I’m truly perplexed as to what makes someone so driven to succeed.

Because female protagonists in these kinds of novels lack agency, and therefore they can’t figure out why anyone else would go to the effort of getting out of bed in the morning without being told to, much less run a company.

Really, this stuff isn’t that hard to figure out.  Ana is feeling lust because Grey is very, very pretty.  Grey is driven to succeed because (I’m reading between the lines and guessing) he has a strong desire to better himself and a need to control his surroundings.  Neither of which are a bad thing unless taken to extremes, like so much else in life.  We can’t really be sure of Grey’s motives, though, because we know so little about him.  His interview answers, after all, sounded quite prepared.  And that makes sense.  No one wants to go into an interview without something witty on hand to say, otherwise they might end up sounding like a fool.  (In fact, it’s a good idea to have ‘sound bites’ or ready-made quotes available as part of your standard press package, so that they can be handed out to people who just want a short comment about what you’re doing, all without having to take time out of your day or cancel any meetings to talk to college newspaper reporters.  Having prepared answers is not a bad thing, and it’s not a sign of arrogance.)

Well, Ana goes home to waste a page on filler, then goes to work.  Ana works at a hardware store and knows about the stuff she’s selling, but can’t do anything with them, because “Oh, I’m a girl!  How do you do hammers?  Psh, I’ll just let my dad do that stuff for me and go read a book instead.”

Look, I’m not exactly a genius with a hammer either, and I’ve broken more than a few fingernails by hitting them, but when I moved out and started living on my own, I figured out how to manage it.  I can hang a level picture and I can do basic home repairs.  It’s part of being an independent adult.

The stop-over at work is a mere couple of paragraphs in which nothing happens, and then we’re home again.  So what was the point of that? 

Back at home, Ana whines about how she has so much work to do now because she spent all her time on that interview and then on working.  Well, why did you go to work, then?  The store wasn’t expecting her to go in, she simply did it voluntarily, and we already found out that Kate’s parents pay for their apartment.  They aren’t desperate for money. 

Why will Ana not stop whining about things that are completely within her control to fix?

“Oh come on, Ana – even you can’t be immune to his looks.” She arches a perfect eyebrow at me.

Crap! I distract her with flattery, always a good ploy.

Ana, there is no reason you have to distract Kate.  Admit that he’s pretty, have a good girlish giggle over it, and move on with your life.  You are not going to be stoned for thinking he’s pretty.  I promise.

Oh, look, Ana has a flighty mother with a short attention span that she feels she has to care for, even though she makes no actual effort to do so.  Ana even hopes that Mommy’s new husband is ‘keeping an eye on her’ while Ana is away.  Oh, did I say Ana?  Silly me, I meant Bella.

Ana’s Mom has exactly two lines, in which asks if Ana has ‘met someone,’ because apparently moms just have that intuitive power.  Ana immediately goes for ‘distraction’ again.  After that phone call, Ana calls her father, who is ‘not a talker’ and basically answers in grunts.  No information is imparted during this paragraph, but I still had to read it, so you’re having to hear about it.

In fact, that seems to describe most of this chapter so far.  It’s just Ana going around, methodically hitting all the important bits of her life so we can hear about them, but without any context or relevance.  The plot has decided that we need to know these things before they actually become important, so it’s shoving them all in at once to get them out of the way.

 On Friday, Ana’s other friend Jose comes over to announce that his photography got into a gallery opening.  Also, he has a huge crush on Ana, which means the last side of our love triangle is now in place.

I just haven’t met anyone who… well, whom I’m attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly, sleepless nights.

You know, except for last chapter, when it was just like that.

Jose is tall, and in his jeans and t-shirt he’s all shoulders and muscles, tanned skin, dark hair and burning dark eyes.  So, this book didn’t even try and change Jacob’s description.  It’s just going to go ahead and be that blatant.

That scene also lasts about a page.  We’re still on course for this being the ‘check things off a list’ chapter.

What passes for a plot finally shows up again in the form of Grey, visiting the hardware store.

His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.

Did you just have a bet to see how many not-even-remotely-husky foods you could string together?  And what’s with the ‘or something’?  Does he have an ice-cream-Sunday voice or not?  You are the narrator; you have to tell me.

I put on my professional I’ve-worked-in-this-shop-for-years façade.

It’s not a facade.  You have worked there for years.  You made a point of telling us this back when you told us you know all about the things in the store even though you can’t use any of them.

Grey buys some cable ties, masking tape, and rope.  Ana flip-flops between talking about how nervous she is, chastising herself for being nervous, and then assuring herself that she does not like Grey and Grey does not like her back.  For some reason this grown woman can’t just say “Yes, he’s hot and I’m attracted.  I doubt anything will happen there, but gosh, those attraction butterflies still produce the most amazing high.”

Also, Grey gives her the creepiest ‘I want to sex you’ look while buying the rope, because this book does not understand the concept of subtlety.

Grey asks about the article, and Ana says the only think Kate is sad about is the fact that there’s no photographs.  So Grey offers to stop by the next day for a photo shoot (remember, this guy was so busy that he couldn’t reschedule for Kate).  Ana smiles, and somehow this makes Grey go all jello-kneed.

Some other dude named Paul shows up and gives Ana a hug, all so Grey can get jealous.  Then he leaves, and as he goes, Ana finally admits that she actually likes the guy.

Thank god.  I don’t think I could stand a whole book of her constant, stuttering denials and confusion.  Although I’m sure I’ll be stuck with exacting descriptions of every little movement Grey makes.