I have a lovely friend who travels all the time.  He recently discovered my tea love, so when he was in London he bought some for me.  I was all excited, because I love getting tea from all over the place.  He pulled out the box, looking so proud of himself…and it was Twinning’s English Breakfast.  Poor boy could not figure out why I was giggling like mad for the next hour.

On to less amusing matters.

When we last left off, Ana was being dragged, unwilling, across the yard to receive her punishment, even though we’ve clearly established that she doesn’t like to play with punishment.

He takes her up to an attic room in the boathouse, and she begs him not to spank her.  Not sexy-begs, actually begs.  Grey acts shocked, though I’m not sure why, since they’ve already talked about how Ana does not like the spanky times.  Did he think that would change just because he said ‘no, you have to do it anyway’?

Ana…um, I guess tries to distract him?  She runs her hands through his hair and kisses him, and he acts all shocked at that, too.  I’m just not sure of why this bit is happening, other than authorial contrivance, since Ana is even more puppet-like than usual.  I’m pretty sure this is supposed to show Grey going ‘hey, wow, soft kissing and touching is sexy, too.’  Except, he was already doing that to her before, so I’m just confused.

And then I don’t give a fuck about being confused, because Grey keeps talking.  He expressed ‘shock and awe’ that she said no to him at the dinner table, because when he reached for her leg, she crossed them so he couldn’t finger her in public.

“No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so – hot.”

SHE SAID ‘NO,’ AND THAT MAKES HIM SO HOT THAT HE HAS TO DRAG HER OFF TO HAVE SEX.  There are no words for how wrong this is. 

WHY THE FUCK IS OUR SOCIETY GLORIFYING A MAN WHO THINKS ‘NO’ IS A TURN ON AND A REASON TO FORCE SEX ON AN UNWILLING WOMAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Yeah, I know, we live in a rape culture and all that.  But in that case, our whole damn social approach to bullshit like this makes no sense. 

IT IS NOT SEXY TO HAVE A MAN FORCE SEX ON YOU AFTER YOU SAY NO TO HIM.  IT’S EVEN WORSE IF HE DOES IT BECAUSE YOU SAID NO.

Furthermore, look at that.  ‘No one’ has ever said no?  I highly doubt that.  Everyone gets a ‘no’ at some point in their lives.  Go find the sexiest pile of sex-on-legs that you can find, at I guarantee, he’s been turned down before.  It happens.  Especially in situations like this, where a partner might be willing to have sex with that person, just not in that situation.  No’s happen.  Everyone gets them.  Fact of life.

And Grey has, apparently, chosen to ignore his no’s.  Given what we see of him in this book, he probably doesn’t believe that the other person ‘really’ meant no, that they were acting as part of the kinky sex, or that he just plain old knows better or matters more so he should get to have sex anyway.

This shit happens.  This is the attitude of men who think that they are owed sex by all the woman in the world, so when they run across someone who turns them down, they twist the situation around in their minds until they convince themselves that it’s okay to go forward anyway.  They convince themselves that what they are doing is okay, because no one wants to think of themselves as a rapist.  But that doesn’t change the fact that they are, in fact, rapists.  Just like Grey.

BY PROMOTING THIS BOOK, OUR SOCIETY IS FETISHIZING AND GLORIFYING THE THOUGHT PROCESSES OF A FUCKING RAPIST.

Well, looks like Grey is at least not going to spank her.  But that doesn’t change the horror that is this sex scene.  It just makes it a smidge less horrifying.  Sort of.

“I’m mad because you went drinking with that guy who tried to seduce you when you were drunk and who left you when you were ill with an almost complete stranger. What kind of friend does that?”

I was about to say that ‘at least he hates Jose for the right reasons,’ and then reading comprehension kicked in.  He’s not mad at Jose for doing those things, he’s mad at Ana for not…I don’t know, seeing the future and knowing he would do those things.

It’s like this book is actively trying to make me hate Grey in every single way possible.

He pulls her skirt up and starts to finger her.

“This is mine,” he whispers aggressively. “All mine. Do you understand?”   

Sort of like the ‘don’t you want to give up thinking’ thing from a previous chapter, this is only hot when it comes from the giving up party.  If a woman ‘gives’ herself, in a metaphorical sense, then it can be really hot to have the man say ‘This is mine’ in a possessive manner.  If that giving doesn’t happen first, if the man just ‘takes’ instead, that’s fucking creepy.

Grey gets her down on the couch, and he says that she’s still being punished, so he’s going to fuck her for his own pleasure only.  If she comes, he’ll spank her.  The actual fucking is a mercifully short scene, though full of more possessive bullshit from Grey.

“Don’t touch yourself. I want you frustrated. That’s what you do to me by not talking to me, by denying me what’s mine.”

Bullshit like this, where Grey seems to think that just because he’s a Dom, he owns her cooch.  Fuck you, Grey.  It’s still Ana’s body, and she can still say no to you any god damn time she pleases.  Especially at the dinner table with his whole family.

After, Grey gives her back her panties so she can wear them when they go back to the house.

I don’t grin as I take them from him, but inside I know – I’ve taken a punishment fuck but gained a small victory over the pant­ies.

What the fuck am I even looking at?  The panties drama never made sense in the first place, but now this?  “Oh, it’s okay that I got raped, at least I got my panties back without having to beg for them.”  Priorities, Ana!  No one gives a crap about your panties, but being dragged around and debased should be a major concern!

“I don’t believe I deserve it Mr. Grey, especially after tolerating your unprovoked at­tack.”

“Unprovoked? You kissed me.” He tries his best to look wounded.

Oh, go to fucking hell, book.  Rot and burn in eternal damnation.  A kiss is not an invitation to rape.  Ever.  EVER!

Mia comes to tell them that Elliot and Kate are leaving, because they are horny and want to go have consensual sex in private.  So Grey and Ana go back to the house.

“I need to speak to you about antagonizing Christian,” I hiss quietly in her ear as she embraces me.

“He needs antagonizing, then you can see what he’s really like. Be careful, Ana – he’s so controlling,” she whispers. “See you later.”

I KNOW WHAT HE’S REALLY LIKE – YOU DON’T! – I scream at her in my head.

No, Ana, honey.  Kate actually has the clearer picture here.  Mostly because of willful ignorance, though, so it’s not like provoking Grey would help her at all.

I want to roll my eyes back at him, but I do not dare, not after his threat in the boathouse.

When you are censoring your actions because you’re afraid of your partner, then you are in an abusive relationship.  Run away very fast.

They get ready to go, and the whole family practically genuflects at Ana because they’re just so happy that Grey has a girlfriend now. 

In the car, Ana admits that she thought Grey was pressured into bringing her, and Grey tells her ‘nope, don’t be stupid, of course I wanted you there.’  Then she admits that she was lying about the Georgia trip so that she could have something to say, since Kate was going on about her family trip.  Well…that would have been nice to know.  We’re living in Ana’s head for this book, so why didn’t we get any thoughts from her on the matter?  We didn’t get a sense of her being uncomfortable before she blurted out about her trip, no thoughts in mind about how she was lying.  More writing fail that turns Ana into an authorial puppet.  Sigh.

Grey asks if he can come to Georgia with her, and she says she needs time to think by herself.

What do I say? Be­cause I think I love you, and you just see me as a toy. Because I can’t touch you, because I’m too frightened to show you any affection in case you flinch or tell me off or worse – beat me? What can I say?

All of that.  You can say all of that.  No, really, you can.  These are major issues, and you can say them.  If he takes it wrong, then you can fucking leave him.  He’s just a rich asshole, not the beginning and end of the world.  You can walk away.

I can’t tell if she doesn’t say these things because the book is trying engineer drama where there’s isn’t a good reason for it, or if she’s just been mentally and socially beaten into a place where she thinks she can’t criticize her lover, or where she thinks that getting the hormones for someone means the same thing as ‘omg, I want to make a life with you.’

Look, love isn’t everything.  Love is just a collection of hormones.  It’s a very nice, very pleasurable, and largely mysterious collection of hormones.  Being in love is awesome.  But it’s not everything there is to a relationship.  You also need respect, and a sense of safety and comfort, and equality between the priorities and values on each side.  Without all that, if you just have hormones, get the fuck out.  You can get hormones with someone else, I promise.  In fact, the hormones part is pretty easy.

Well, all Ana ends up saying is ‘I need more,’ which is just fucking vague and meaningless.  We still don’t know what she considers to be ‘more,’ or if he thinks the same way.  Maybe every time she says ‘more,’ he thinks about giving her something totally different from what she actually wants?

Grey repeats that he’ll ‘try’ with this more stuff, so Ana climbs in to his lap and repeats that she’ll sign his contract.  Hasn’t she already agreed to that multiple times?  And haven’t they been acting like they’re already in this deal already?  So why the fuck are thy still going on about how they need to sign shit?

They get home and banter some and Grey says he’s going to take her to bed and fuck her vanilla style.  At least this time she actually acts like she wants it.  Their banter is actually playful, and again, in any other book, I would probably enjoy it.  But because of what came before…nope.  They’re still horrible people.

Ana asks him to make love to her, and she wants to touch him.  This makes him have a little mini-breakdown and get sad.  They end up not having sex and just getting ready for bed instead.  Ana asks, again, why he doesn’t want to be touched.  Grey, again, says he doesn’t want to tell her, because he had a ‘rough start to life.’  I’m still not sure why the details of that are so fucking important.  I mean, he probably needs to tell someone, because talking through such things is part of the healing process for many people, though not for all.  However, he should be talking about it to one of his two shrinks, not necessarily to her.  And not me, because I don’t fucking care.

Man, Ana is really pushing to hear the story of his early life.  

Oops.  I spoke to early.  There is sex.  Ana tries to bribe him, saying if he tells her about his abuse, she’ll let him spank her.  He doesn’t tell her shit, but still plans to spank her, and this time with a pair of vaginal beads in her.  (Beads?  Balls?  Luv-balls?  Keigle balls?  Internet, you have failed to provide me with a definitive term.  Shame on you.)  He says he’s going to spank her not to punish her, but ‘for your pleasure and mine.’  How is that any sort of logic?  “I don’t want to be spanked.”  “Too bad, I’ll do it to punish you.”  “Well, I’ll let you punish me if you give me something.”  “I’m not going to give you shit, and I’m going to spank you, and you’ll like it even though we went over already how you don’t like that.”

Uhg, fuck this book.

Oh, I see.  He’ll tell her stuff after the fucking.  If she’s awake.  I can’t even tell you how little I care.

He puts the balls in her and then makes her go walk around to get him a glass of water.

Oh my… I may have to keep these. They make me needy, needy for sex.

Uhg.  So far she’s called the balls ‘strange’ and ‘interesting’ but hasn’t actually said “I like them.”  She just says they make her ready for sex.  So taken all together with her rapist-Dom, it comes off sounding like “Oh, cool, if I use these and get all hot and heavy beforehand, maybe the sex that I’m forced to have will be easier to manage.”

This book thinks it’s being full of tension by spending so many fucking words on getting us to the action, but really, it’s just annoying me.  It’s not like we don’t all know exactly what’s going to happen, so drawing it out is just painful and irritating.

He makes her ask for the spanking, which doesn’t count for shit, because he makes her ask for it.  Also, she’s nervous and threatened before they started, and only afterward does she begin to use positive words.  I’m not going to give the book brownie points for making her enjoy it, because that would just imply that forcing a girl into something is okay ‘as long as she likes it.’  I don’t care if we get through this and Ana says it was the best sensation in her whole fucking life; the fact that she was threatened into it negates everything.

Finally, she says that the pain of being spanked is actually pleasurable, that she enjoys that specific sensation itself.  Although, now that we have proof the author knows this is possible, the first two thirds of the book make even less sense.  And after everything she’s been through, I’m not sure if I should trust this book and call her a masochist, or think that she’s just twisting things around in an attempt to survive the ordeal with her sanity.  What little sanity she had going in, that is.

Then they have sex, and again, it lasts all of about a paragraph.  I wonder if the author got bored, considering she went on for pages and pages earlier in the book.

Gray finally gives her a tidbit of information: his birth mother was a crack-whore, and she died when he was four.  Okay, so?  I don’t feel like I know anything more about Grey with this information.  Unless you count the fact that he dislikes his mother enough to call her a whore.  But still, this doesn’t tell me anything, and on the whole it feels like cheap exploitation.  Like the book is trying to shock me with this detail.  “Oooooo, crack whores are bad, and this awesomely sexy man had one for a mother!  Aren’t you just appalled!?!?”

No, book, I’m not.  Crack addicts are people, too.  Every one of them is different.  Telling me that Grey’s mother was an addict means nothing.  I have no idea how she became an addict, if she was actually a prostitute or if Grey just used the term out of spite, if she ever made any attempts to get clean.  I don’t know her personality or her history or her values.  I don’t even know if she was an abusive mother.  Maybe she was neglectful instead of abusive, or maybe she loved Grey, and she wanted to protect him, but she had this crippling addiction, and she was unable to stop the people around her from abusing him.  BTW, addiction is another one of those things that can’t be trumped by the power of love.  If she got into a bad enough situation and then had a kid, there’s no way she could have pulled herself up without outside help.  It’s sad and tragic, but doesn’t make her evil.  I can’t even think ‘well maybe she was bad for bringing a kid into that kind of life,’ because maybe she was raped.  Rape among addicts and prostitutes is rampant and severely underreported and underappreciated.  His ‘crack-whore’ mother might have been (and probably was) just as much of a victim as Grey ever was.  And she died for her troubles, while Grey became a multi-gazillionaire.

So, fuck you book.  I am not shocked at this news, and I’m disgusted that you used it to try and shock me in the first place.