All the girls are gathered together and being drilled on history by the same woman who was teaching them manners earlier, because I guess the future queen only warrants one tutor.  They’re learning all about the Third World War, in which China invaded the US because the US was crazy in debt.

I’m thinking through all the wars I’ve studied, and I can’t come up with a single one that was started by ‘invaded country was in debt.’  There might be one; I haven’t studied all of history.  Now, there’s a few cases of ‘invading county is in debt,’ but that’s different. 

Do you want to know why there’s no point in invading a country that’s in debt to you?  Because if they were rich enough to be of any use, they’d have paid you back.  This book doesn’t go into detail, but just seems to treat it as a matter of course that China thought the US was merely hiding it’s money.  You know, if the US was ’beyond bankruptcy,’ that’s something the entire world would be painfully aware of.  Hell, just look at our last recession.  The American economy is so tied into various economies around the world that our recession kicked off a dozen more overseas.  The US having no money would not come as a shock to anyone, much less China.

Furthermore, there’s other ways to get your money back.  It’s called diplomacy.  We used debt all the time to force other countries into letting us come in and set up our own puppet-run businesses and then funnel the money back home.  On top of that, you wouldn’t get very much money out of running a sweat shop in the US.  At least, you wouldn’t get enough to cover the amount of debt this book seems to imply.

However, it did gain them American labor. 

The population of the US is a little over 300 million.  The population of China is 1.3 billion.  Let me write that another way:  1,300 million.  1,300 vs 300.  I don’t think China needs our labor.  They could swallow our entire labor force and not even notice it.  Do you want to know what America does have that makes it valuable?  Well, after a war, pretty much nothing.  Our economy is based on service industries.  We’re a power-house right now because of our Wall Street and our financial institutions.  Those all go away when the country goes bankrupt.  Sure, we’ve got some pretty impressive natural resources, but again: drop in the bucket next to China.  If they were going to take anything from us, it would be our military production, our nuclear capabilities, our middle-management, and our scientists.  And even then, they probably wouldn’t notice.  Seriously, the only thing America has over China right now is money, so if our money went away, they’d likely just shrug and call us backwoods hicks and move on.  If anything, they’d be glad to have us roundly ignored, because it would mean a power vacuum that they could step in to.

Look, I know there’s a big scare right now that China is going to take over America.  But here’s the hitch: it’s that the Chinese economy is going to overtake the American economy, not that they’re going to actually invade.  The scare is that they’ll replace us as a super-power and make us obsolete, that we’ll have Chinese businessmen setting up branch offices over here instead of the other way around.  The idea of China invading America is patently ridiculous, because there’s just no point to it.

“The Chinese invasion prompted several countries, particularly those in Europe, to align themselves with one another and make alliances.”

Europe has a pretty rich history of ‘taking shit over.’  They’ve already got alliances and treaties and this handy-dandy thing called the European Union.  Why the fuck would you need someone to prompt you into making alliances that you already have?

“However, the American State of China had no such friends at the time.

Um, bullshit, we got all kinds of friends.  Seriously, book, how can you get so many things so wrong so fast?

So, an indeterminate period of time after China takes over, Russia decides it wants to invade as well.  Because…yeah, now Russia wants American ‘labor,’ too.  In fact, Russia in this story is trying to invade in two directions, because Russia didn’t study history either.  Why does Russia want to expand?  Never explained.  Why do they try it in such a ridiculous manner?  No one cares.  Why did they think America was going to be a hot-bed of gain after basically being turned into a 50-state-sweat-shop?  Fuck all if I know.  Russia tried to invade, and that’s all we get to know.  So ‘the whole of North America banded together to fight Russia’ because it seemed like Russia was going to keep going after that.  But no one was worried China was going to do the same thing?  Good heavens, they invaded the US for basically no reason, are you trying to tell me Canada wasn’t worried they might be next?

For that matter…was the whole world no worried about this?  Did everyone just sit back and watch America get eaten and say “Yeah, we’re cool with that.  Go ahead, China.  We’re sure you’ll just content yourself with one country and then stop attacking shit.”  Fuck no.  The rest of the world would band together to kick China’s ass for one reason: they don’t want anyone getting the idea that violent takeovers are permitted on this planet.  After all, it’s not just China that might keep expanding.  Russia might get the crazy idea they can do the same thing.  You know, like they apparently did.

There are so many ways this is all so wrong that I could write all day about it, then go back to the beginning, take a new track, and write all day again about an entirely new facet of the wrongness. 

So, all the countries on the continent banded together and beat back Russia.  And no mention is made of whether or not they fought China, too.  I mean, China was also fighting Russia.  In effect, it wasn’t America fighting Russia.  It was China fighting Russia, but mostly keeping the fighting off in the Chinese-occupied territory which is so totally right now part of China.  It was China.  China fought Russia and used our bullets to do it.  But at the end of the war with Russia, the US is spontaneously not Chinese anymore because…reasons?

The guy who led this grand assault in the name of China was named Gregory Illea, and so they named the country after him. 

He was just a private citizen who donated his money and knowledge.

Or, no, he didn’t lead any grand assault, he wrote a check and then sat in a chair philosophizing. 

Lead is a verb for a reason.  It’s because if you want to win a fucking war, you have to be active, and you have to do shit.  It’s not ‘donating knowledge,’ it’s getting  your hands dirty and touring the front lines and overseeing battles and making up plans of attack and working at integrating all the moving parts of an army and laying down policies.  I mean, sure, the leaders of armies don’t often pick up a gun and stand on the front lines.  But neither do they sit in the rear and just think a lot.  Not if they want to end up successful, at least.  Leading an army is a fuck-load of hard work, and it requires action, dedication, and 27-hour long days.

For Gregory Illéa, he became a king as his family married into a royal family

Um, what royal family did he marry into?  Also, fuck no.  You can’t marry into a family and become king.  You just can’t.  There’s a reason Queen Elizabeth’s husband is given the title ‘Prince.’  You certainly can’t become royal-by-marriage in a place that never had a king before.  So, what, did he marry a princess from Cambodia and figure that made him the king of unrelated country?

He fucking invented a country.  He could just declare himself king.  He doesn’t have to marry into an unrelated royal family in order to be a king.  Do you know how those royal families became royal?  They took shit over and then said ‘now call me king.’  This idea that he had to marry into a royal family before he could declare himself a royal seems to feed into the idea that royals are destined or ordained or somehow otherwise permitted by a higher power, rather than just a bunch of dudes that put crowns on their own heads.

“Dear girls, history isn’t something you study. It’s something you should just know.”

Why?  Why is this a thing?  You have to study history, because there’s no way to know it without studying it.  And what are they doing right now if not a form of studying?

America then goes on to talk about how there’s no history books, and even her mom just gave them oral history lessons.  She found a book of US history in her father’s room once, and it had clearly been rescued from a fire, and he told not to tell anyone he had it.  So I’m guessing there’s some idea here that the history they’re being told isn’t the truth, or isn’t the whole truth?

Well, who cares!  Look, books are written, they are not just magically handed down from on high.  An author should know this.  If the government of Illea wants to create a fictional history that everyone has to learn, well, okay!  THEY ARE WRITING THE HISTORY BOOKS.  THEY CAN PUT ANYTHING THEY WANT IN THEM.  They could write a book that says America always had a royal family, and that Gregory’s ancestors were descendents of Jesus if they wanted.  It doesn’t have to be true to put it in a history books.  A quick study of our own high school text books should be enough to prove that.  (I swear to god, the one I had in school still said that all of Columbus’s sailors were afraid of the trip because they thought the earth was flat.)

But, no, this place instead decides to just ban all history books.  Because fuck logic, that’s why.

The next day, all of the girls take photos with Maxon because some magazine said that the prince needs to find someone who photographs well with him.  First: if you have the best photographer and make-up artist in the country, it shouldn’t be that hard to coach any girl into looking good in a picture with him.  I mean, sure, you can’t turn anyone into a supermodel.  But how many heads of state really look like supermodels?  You can make anyone look dignified, as long said person is willing to play along.  Second: why do they need a reason to do this?  Why can’t the people who run the Selection just say “hey, photo shoot time.  Having couple-pictures with all the girls will be useful, because we’ll have them on hand for whatever combination of dates/promotional shit comes up later.”  There’s really no point in saying that it’s because of the magazine article, because that makes the palace people look ineffectual, loose, and lazy.

You know, the more the palace/plot gets influenced by public opinion, the less sense everything makes.  If the thoughts of the general public have that much sway, then does that mean that everyone is happy with the caste system?  Sure, a photo shoot isn’t on the same level as a shift in government policy, but the palace tries to claim they came up with the idea while at the same time scrambling to satisfy the idle whims of the population.  That doesn’t say “oppressive and in control” to me, and neither does it say “strong enough to actually keep an unpopular system in place.”  So…these Sixes and Sevens are okay with dying of exhaustion?

This was the thing I’d been bothered about since the beginning, that Maxon was looking for nothing more than a pretty face. Now that I’d met him, I was sure that wasn’t true, but it got to me that some people thought that Maxon was like that.

So, first you were upset that this was all about looks, but now you’re okay with everyone else being hyper-focused on your looks, but you’re upset that people thing bad things about your precious new male friend?  I mean, no anger at a shallow society that judges you based on appearances, no huffing at the indignity of having to mold yourself according to some publicly held image?  No, you’re going to reserve all your feelings for the consideration of a man can care not for yourself in any way?

Well, fine, I guess feminism can’t get much more fucked in this book anyway.

Also, I’d be a lot more sympathetic to lines like this if we didn’t get so much focus on clothes and looks.  The book praises America for dressing simply, but that’s still praising her for her appearance.  It’s not talking about her personality which values a simple life or takes a stand against royal excess, it’s just saying that she looks better than all the other girls because she dresses smarter.  That’s not any better than what the magazine did. 

So, it’s Celeste’s turn to take a picture and she makes a joke with the prince and they’re all buddy-buddy.

How could someone who got along so well with me do the same with someone like her?

First of all, this wouldn’t be quite so annoying if America didn’t hate the girl on sight just for failing to bow to her or whatever.  Second, she’s being nice to the prince.  It’s not hard to like someone who is nice to you.  And yes, Celeste goaded Anne into striking her.  But you know what?  That was some pretty smart subterfuge.  It was mean as hell, yes, but clearly Celeste is a smart woman who knows how to use subtle ways to attain a specific goal.  That’s a skill that a queen should have.  Certainly it’s better than the ability to sit in your room and play cards for two straight days.

We don’t even know if Celeste is uniformly nasty or if she’s just active in going after what she wants.  Maybe she’d be perfectly civil if not pitted against these girls in competition.  We know very little about this girl except the fact she doesn’t like America and, frankly, I don’t like America either.  So that hardly convinces me of her innate evilness. 

Celeste is also super-good at playing to a camera and knowing how to use the lights to her advantage.  Not an easy thing to do, I can say that with certainty. 

Where some of the girls took their time and made their turn with Maxon last—particularly those who still hadn’t secured a date—Celeste appeared to want to show her efficiency instead.

Yes, and?  Am I supposed to dislike her for being efficient and not holding up the line full of inexperienced girls that need coaching?  Because I don’t.  I rather like her for it.

Again.  Useful skill.  Better than America’s ability to whine and cry and hide.

Then it’s America’s turn and Maxon gets her to laugh through the shoot, so I’m sure that means her photos will be the best.  Unlike, you know, Celeste who knows how to not put her eyes in shadow or inadvertently make a double-chin or make really stupid faces when she laughs. 

Suddenly, some man runs up to tell Maxon about some rebel attack, and he says that it’s okay to tell him in America’s presence.  Because, you know, he’s only met the girl a handful of times, and one of those times she promised to spy on the other Selection girls for him.  That makes her totally trustworthy with state secrets!  Maxon gives orders to move some troops around in hopes of intercepting the rebels.  Noticeably absent are any orders to help the people who had their livelihoods burned down.

As Maxon and I stood, he held on to my hand. “Please don’t say anything. It’s imperative you’re discreet.”

If it’s imperative, then don’t tell her shit she has no business hearing.

Then America overhears Maxon asking out the next girl after her and can’t figure out why her stomach is all tied in knots, because figuring out emotions is so hard!

Later, that same girl gets sent home and all the rest of the girls gossip about why it happened.  All the girl said before leaving was ‘be careful what you say to him,’ so everyone is curious about what she could have said that was so insulting she’d be kicked out.  Marlee wonders if she said something bad about the country’s policies.

“Please. How boring must that date have been for them to start talking policy? Has anyone in here actually talked to Maxon about anything related to running the country?”

Really?  No?  YOU’RE TRYING TO BE QUEEN OF THE FUCKING PLACE AND YOU DON’T THINK TO TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL RUNNING OF A COUNTRY?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?  WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS BOOK SO FUCKING STUPID?  I CAN’T STAND IT!  I CAN’T STAND HOW STUPID THIS IS!  WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A BOOK ABOUT TRYING TO BE A QUEEN AND THEN DERIDE EVERYTHING RELATED TO BEING A QUEEN?  IT’S JUST SO FUCKING STUPID.

Ahem.  Yes.  Sorry about that.

So, Celeste goes on to talk about how of course Maxon doesn’t want a ‘coworker’ he wants a wife.  Damn, I was so close to liking her, but it turns out she’s steeped in stupidity as well.  I mean, even if he doesn’t want someone who thinks they can do his job, surely he want someone who could, at a minimum, not fuck things up. 

There are things a queen should be able to do even if she isn’t a ruling queen.  The ability to not piss off the population by being an idiot is one of them.  The ability to not piss off visiting dignitaries is another.  The ability to talk intelligently about current events also goes a long way in assuring a population that their rules actually care about them and are paying attention and aren’t passing on stupid-genes to the next generation.  This should not be rocket-science.  (Well, doing the job can’t be easy, but figuring out there’s a job to do shouldn’t be hard.)

Suddenly Miss Manners come in with letters for everyone.  Because, much like there’s only one room for the womens things, there’s only one person in charge of all the girls’ needs.  America gets a letter from May, who says that her mom doesn’t care if America gets sent home.  Seems all the rejected girls are snatched up by celebrities and other important people.  (Do celebrities get a caste?  What group are basketball players in?)  So, it seems pretty clear from this that Magda is not a social climber with her eyes on the crown because she’s just a power-hunger monger.  She just wants her daughter to have a better life than she has.  You know, like most decent parents.

So the eliminated girls were already getting snatched up by wealthy men. I didn’t realize being the castoff of a future king made you a commodity.

You know, for all the book says it’s a bad thing to be married off without being in love first, it sure has no problem visiting that fate on everyone not named America.  She has no real problem with the concept until it threatens to happen to her.  She doesn’t seem to care about those other girls, except as they provide an example for what might happen to her.

Also?  There’s nothing wrong with marrying for wealth or status or comfort instead of love.  I think a lot of the residual disdain for that idea comes from the fact that most people assume it’s others who set up the marriage and benefit most from it.  Families that sell off their daughters because they get to social climb along with them.  But what made that wrong is that the women had a lack of control over their own lives.  Currently, we have no proof that women are forced into marriages, that they can’t decline a suitor over the wishes of their relatives, or that they lose power once they’re married.  Marriage isn’t really a trap when you retain every freedom you had while single.  A woman who just wants to not starve or have (insert whatever right/privilege the book forgot to include in the caste system here) is not morally wrong just because she didn’t love her husband at first.  Nor are the people who married them wrong, unless the girls are being coerced into that marriage.  Once again, this book doesn’t ever say that happens.  What it does do is talk about marriage as if no woman would ever marry for less than love, therefore any loveless marriage is bad, and then it assumes that everyone in the audience agrees.

The idea of marrying for love is a recent thing.  Marriage has been an institution for thousands of years before anyone got the notion that it should be based on transient hormones. 

Don’t get me wrong now.  I’m actually a fan of marriage, and I don’t mind people who make love marriages.  I’m just sick of it being portrayed as the beginning and end of all considerations that go into getting married.  

Did you know that people in a loveless marriage (not to be confused with an actively spiteful marriage) consistently indicate that they are happier with the general quality of their lives than people who are single?  There’s something to be said for having a partner who shares your burdens and the knowledge that if you have a heart-attack in the kitchen, your spouse will call 911 for you.  And that thing to be said is: you’ll be healthier, have less stress, and live longer. 

Alright, enough of my views on marriage, back to the story.

America wants to talk to the prince because she’s all worked up over what happened to the girl that left.  So she writes a note to him that says ’Tugging my ear.  Whenever.’ and has a maid deliver it.  So, the point of their secret code was to be secret and not use maid-delivered notes.  But here they are, using this code twice now, and it’s been neither secret nor outside the maids.  God, so fucking pointless.

No doubt [the maid] would unfold it as soon as she was out of sight, but I felt secure in its odd phrasing.

You didn’t accomplish anything except to let the maid know that you are close enough to the prince to have a secret code.  That’s far more telling than just sending him a plainly-worded note through official channels. 

America wanders the halls until Maxon finds her.  He’s not as dressed up and polished as before, so of course America thinks he looks cuter that way.  Because heaven forbid we actually not care about appearances. 

Maxon is all worried because he thought her note meant something was wrong.  America says no, she just wanted to see him, since they’re ‘friends’ and ‘friends’ spend time together, even though she was clearly fretting earlier and worried about something.  Maxon relaxes and tells her all about the boring, stuffy budget meeting he totally just blew off to hang out with her.  Because, you know, no one listens to his opinions and it’s just so hard to be only 18 and have to still learn shit the slow way, instead of magically be perfect!

Mom is always on Father to give more to the school systems—she thinks the more educated you are, the less likely you are to be a criminal, and I agree

Yeah, generally, that’s true.  Unless you live in a (supposedly) oppressive society that forces you into a bullshit caste system.  And then being more educated just means you’re more likely to realize what a shitty job your rulers are doing, and thus you become a rebel instead of a petty criminal.  (Or just a petty criminal for those not good at organizing.)

“I’m sorry. On the plus side, you’ll have more of a say in the future.”

“You know, when your dad is dead!  So there’s that to look forward to. :)”

America points out that a better education system is one thing, but what about the Eights?  Since they go hungry all the time and shit because…um…actually, we know nothing about the Eights and what they do except that they are homeless, and we have no idea if they even have jobs, or if they’re barred from holding jobs/renting homes.  In which case, why the fuck wouldn’t you just put them to work and get rid of the caste because it makes no fucking sense.

Maxon apparently has to have America explain to him that the homeless people are hungry, and being hungry sucks.  Because the guy is such an idiot that he doesn’t grasp the concept.  You know, this would be a lot easier to reason out if we knew whether or not the Eights could work, or why they’re homeless.  Maybe they’re not barred from homes, just given such poor wages that most can’t afford rent?  We’ll never know, because fuck the reader!  They don’t need to be informed.

Then Maxon asks if she’s ever been hungry and she says yes, a couple of times.

I know the checks we’ve gotten over the last few weeks have really helped, and my family is very smart about money.

HA!  Yeah, right.  They have a house that’s too big and accept microscopes as payment and hire people to clean their house instead of putting their extra money aside against lean times.

God, this book is dumb.