YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, THEY’RE FINALLY GOING TO SUMMON A DEMON!  IT TOOK US THREE CHAPTERS OF TALKING ABOUT IT TO GET TO THIS POINT, BUT IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING.

*ahem*  Yes.  Moving on.

Inside the circle, a pentagram had been drawn by Magnus, using a rowan stick that had burned the pattern of overlapping triangles into the floor.

First, that passive voice physically hurts me.  Second, unless you count each arm individually, there’s no triangles.  The arms don’t overlap.  It’s a five-point star you idiot.  That’s an actual geometric shape and it’s different from triangles.

So there’s a lot of chanting an general magic imagery and such and fire, then they summon Azazel and he appears in the form of a slightly-but-most-not-creepy dude.

So, Azazel arrives and there’s some banter (because there’s always banter), after which he very calmly and helpfully chit chats with them about the situation.  Man, what an epic let-down.  Azazel can’t make a weapon that will hurt only Jonathan, but he knows how to un-twin them.  But he wants a favor in return.  Magnus says “nope, do what I say or else I won’t let you out,” and Azazel basically says he’s an immortal demon, you idiot.  What does he care if he spends a few years in some living room.  It’s nicer there than in hell, anyway.

Really, Magnus?  700 odd years of dealing with demons and you didn’t see that coming?

“Oh, I don’t know,” Magnus said. “I’ve always been fairly bold where decorating is concerned, and having you here does add that little extra touch of something to the room.”

“Magnus,” Alec said, clearly not thrilled at the idea of an immortal demon taking up residence in his boyfriend’s loft.

“Jealous, little Shadowhunter?” Azazel grinned at Alec. “Your warlock is not my type

Because there might be an incredibly powerful demon making threats in the living room, but that doesn’t mean we can’t shove in a bit more banter and some romance angst.

Seriously, there’s AN INCREDIBLY POWERFUL DEMON IN THE LIVING ROOM and the tone of this scene is no different from when they were all having breakfast.  It’s like this book doesn’t even know what tone is.

He wants a happy memory from each of them in exchange for this information.  There’s a moment of almost-angst, but thankfully everyone is sane enough to realize that 1) they get to pick the memory they lose and 2) seriously, it’s one memory, no biggie.  They spend way too long on the memory-getting-and-giving, then Azazel delivers.

And his delivery is that he wants to be let lose in exchange for performing the deed.  The memories are just payment for hearing the plan, the setting lose is the payment for doing the plan.  And then…he doesn’t tell them the plan.  No, really, he doesn’t tell them jack shit except that he wants to be let go.  He started all of this off by saying that there was a simple way to separate the two, and now there’s all this drama about how it’s actually very difficult and he wants to be let lose into the world before he’ll do it.  There was no editor for this book, none at all.

They banish Azazel to discuss the offer.  They basically decide to wait and see what Jonathan’s plan is before they decide if it’s better or worse than letting Azazel lose. 

For some reason, they don’t say “let’s see what his plan and see if it’s better or worse than killing Jace.”  So in their minds right now, the scale of best to worst outcomes is: bad=Jonathan’s plan and masses of death and destruction, worse=major demon let loose and masses of death and destruction, worse both other options combined=one pretty guy dies.

Seriously, is Jace like the lynchpin of the universe or something?  Because this is getting pretty extreme.

Alec raked a hand through his dark hair. “Fine, but we just wasted a whole day. A day we didn’t have. No more stupid ideas.”

Eh?  You don’t know what anyone’s plan is.  For all you know, Jonathan’s plan will take a decade to complete.  Why are you going on as if everyone already knows the timeline?

Over to Clary and Jace, who use magic to escape the police after that stolen boat last chapter.  No, book, stop it.  I am not impressed that our two “heroes” just 1) stole someone’s property and 2) used magic to flip the bird to the authorities.  You might as well come out and say “Oh, they were just mundanes, therefore they don’t count and we don’t have to respect their property or their laws.”

Fuck you, assholes.

They go home while making out, but Jonathan is there with two chicks.

Clary felt her nerves tighten. Vampire, she thought. She didn’t know how she knew, but she did—whether it was the waxy white sheen of the dark-haired girl’s skin or the bottomlessness of her eyes, or perhaps Clary was just learning to sense these things, the way Shadowhunters were supposed to.

Book, what is wrong with you?  This girl has two visual cues to indicate she’s a vampire: her skin and her eyes.  There’s no need to go on about how it’s so mysterious that Clary can actually pick up on these visual cues.  Also, ‘learning to sense’?  No.  You learned the meaning of waxy skin and creepy eyes.  Then, using that learning and your fucking eyes and brain, you put two and two together.  Unless vampires give off a “seriously, I want to drink your blood” vibe, there is no sensing.

Most of the time when people say they ‘sense’ something, it’s really just their subconscious picking up on visual  and behavioral cues.  Which is fine for the untrained observer, but if she’s talking about learning stuff, it shouldn’t be subconscious anymore.

Jace and Clary run upstairs to get away from the implied sex fest.

Sebastian was something else. The sense of menace that rose off him was like smoke off a fire.

Eh?  You spent the whole time focusing on the girls and their general sluttiness (yay, feminism!) and completely neglected to mention any smoky menace.  So far Jonathan is just garden variety sleezy.

Well, in this book.  In past books he’s been a murdering asswipe, but that’s not smoky impressions of menace.  That’s…well, murder.

Clary and Jace agree to unconscious-type sleep together.

She wondered what it would be like to be more like Isabelle, so aware of your own feminine power you could wield it as a weapon instead of gazing at it mystified

STOP CALLING IT A WEAPON, IT’S NOT A WEAPON!  SHE’S CONFIDENT AND PUTS A MODICUM OF EFFORT INTO HER APPEARANCE RATHER THAN WHINE ABOUT IT!  IT’S NOT SOME GREAT MYSTERY AND IT’S NOT A WEAPON.  Seriously, stop implying that female sexuality is somehow dangerous instead of just natural and benign. 

Men, women are not using sex against you.  Don’t be afraid of it or aggressive against it.  Women, your sex is not dirty and mysterious, it’s just sex.  Explore it safely and enjoy it.

Aaaand then there’s a whole bunch of talk about how these two are pretty and scantily dressed for bed.  Man, the sex in this book has really been ratcheted up.  I think, technically, no one has done the dead yet, but the imagery and allusions are all over the place.  And it doesn’t really serve a purpose except to titillate.  Which…well, I’m rather torn over.  Titillation can be fun, sure.  There’s no harm in mindless, sexy fun in a novel.  But this is being marketed to teenage kids, who frankly should not be mindless about sex.  “Mindless” sexual fun should come at some point after you’ve had “mindful” fun and know the ins and outs of what’s good and bad.  Marketing mindless sex to kids, instead of smart sex, seems downright reckless.  They are, after all, still forming opinions on the practice, and I just don’t think it’s a good idea to bombard them with this fantasy stuff while they’re doing that.  Mindless, fantasy sex is for when you already know the truth and can keep that separate from fantasies. 

Plus, there’s shit like this: at some point, Jace asks Clary what she wants, and she says she just wants to unconscious-sleep with him.  He asks if that’s really all she wants.

This is a test, she thought. And maybe a dangerous one. “That’s all.”

A test of…?  Dangerous because…?  I’m not kidding, these questions aren’t addressed, much less answered.  Which leaves the uncomfortable implication that sex is the test, and she passes because she’s a “good” girl who doesn’t give in.  Because we’re going to present the idea over and over of sex being this ideal fantasy thing full of perfect kisses and dissolving touches, but still keep the divide between dirty, bad sluts and pure, good virgins. 

Because it’s not like that horrible mash of concepts has ever caused anyone harm- oh, wait, yes it has.

Back at Magnus, Maia and Jordan have shown up and announced Luke is getting better, and everyone catches up on the plot.  What little there is of it.  Simon and Isabelle sit in one of the spare rooms and talk about the M/J romance, of which there is a lot more than there is plot.

“Oh. No. No, not at all. I’m glad for Jordan. This will make him really happy.” He meant it too.

…really?  Really?  Not even a breath of a word about Maia and her issues and how odd it is that she’s dating the guy that tore her throat out?  All of your comments are reserved for the man?

Isn’t feminism FUN?

This is one of the biggest problems with…well, everything in this book.  See, while it’s possible for the Jordan/Maia thing to have been done right, because it’s possible for people to react the way they’ve reacted, it’s everyone else that pushes this over into fail.  They treat it as if this is the natural course of things, not as if…you know, he tore her throat out.  This should be about Maia coming to terms with her attack, not about Maia getting over being a prude and everyone around her saying “well, it’s about time.”

Isabelle asks Simon to stay over again.  Because that’s what this book is.  People sleeping together.  Oh, there’s also some bullshit about demons and space wards, but psh.  THIS BOOK IS REALLY ALL ABOUT THE ROMANCE.  The rest, that “plot” thing?  It’s just a distraction.

Alec sneaks out to go see Camille and tell her he can’t kill Raph.  For all the romance in this book, for some reason it skipped over that bit of angst, Alec’s internal thoughts about the offer.  Really, we’ve gotten zilch from him.  Then again, considering how the other issues are handled, maybe that’s a good thing.

Then they…sit around and talk about romance.  Alec is angsting about how to hang onto Magnus without killing him to do it.

We hide them from our lovers because we wish to present our best selves, but also because if it is real love, we expect our loved one to simply understand it, without needing to ask. In a true partnership, the kind that lasts through the ages, there is an unspoken communion.

What?  What is this shit?  Just…what?

BOOK, ARE YOU ACTUALLY ADVOCATING FOR POOR COMMUNICATION IN A RELATIONSHIP?  ARE YOU REALLY SITTING THERE AND TELLING ME THAT IF IT’S “TRUE” LOVE YOU’LL MAGICALLY GAIN THE POWER TO READ MINDS?

ARE YOU HIGH?

“That’s another thing,” she said. “You no longer need other people in your life once you have found your true love.

I…just…what…what…why…why do you hate me, book?  Why?

Do you have any idea how much pressure this puts on another person?  To be their lover’s sole support system?  People have many varied needs, and no one person can fulfill all those needs.  To expect one person to be every last tiny thing you need is not only insane, it’s also cruel to that other person.

And I’ll say this flat out: fuck any man who thinks I’m giving up my family and friends for him.  Absolutely not.

Is this kind of thinking behind that whole “break Bella’s truck so she can’t see friends” line from Twilight?  Because people think that “one true love” is all you need, so other relationships are superfluous instead of necessary?

And people wonder why the divorce rate in this country is so high…

Clary has dreams about stabbing Jace.  She gets up and goes out in the hall, where she sees blood everywhere.  Jonathan comes out and says creeping things about the second woman (the non-vampire) who was with them earlier that night.

She’s asleep in my bed now, if you want to check and make sure she’s alive.”

“No… That’s not necessary.” Clary dropped her eyes. She wished she’d worn something besides this silk nightgown to bed. She felt undressed.

WTF?  Clary, there’s blood everywhere and you’re talking to a murdering fuckhead.  Why do you assume it’s “not necessary” to SEE IF THAT POOR GIRL IS ALIVE OR NOT?  Why are you such a selfish, uncaring, thoughtless, self-centered, boy-obsessed, appearance-obsessed, and did I mention SELFISH SOCIOPATH?

Then they both go downstairs and chitchat over drinks, because that girl could be “alive” simply by virtue of having not bled out yet, but that’s icky so we’re going to go have tea with Chtullu instead.

NO, REALLY, WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON, CLARY? 

And they spend several pages chatting about whether or not Jonathan is a good guy.  Clary brings up the two people we know he’s killed (directly, that is.  He also took down those wards which led to the indirect deaths of dozens, if not hundreds of others) and he counters by saying he’s a changed person.  Only, they repeat this argument ad nauseum.  He wants her to see the validity of his plan, but he’s also not telling her his plan, so…basically this is all filler.  And also a really hamfisted attempt to make us think Jonathan might be morally grey.  It’s not working.  This book is too cheap and predictable for me to get my hopes up.  It couldn’t handle Valentine as a complex villain; I have no reason to believe it will do better with Jonathan.