Thank goodness, I had the foresight to belt myself in. I’ve rolled sideways off the fork and I’m facing the ground, held in place by the belt

Our hero!  She fell out of the tree and we don’t even know when.  Was she “so shocked” that she couldn’t stay seated?  Because if that’s the case, “rolled” is a very mild verb.  Also, if that’s the case, really?  Shocked enough to fall out of a tree?  Does this “excellent hunter” also jump at the sound of approaching game?  It’s really not hard to keep a proper seat while shocked.

Maybe I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she rolled over while asleep and forgot to tell us.  Or maybe I won’t because I still hate her for being a terrible person.

His face is swollen with bruises, there’s a bloody bandage on one arm, and from the sound of his gait he’s limping somewhat.

Ah, so, Peeta’s just there to play pack-mule or something.

But this… this other thing. This teaming up with the Career wolf pack to hunt down the rest of us. No one from District 12 would think of doing such a thing!

Katniss, why is your brain so broken?  Look back at your description of him.  He’s limping and bloody.  They haven’t “teamed up” with him; they’ve held off on killing him because he might prove useful.

Career tributes are overly vicious, arrogant, better fed, but only because they’re the Capitol’s lapdogs.

Stop vilifying the Careers.  First, you’ve repeatedly told us that you know nothing about the other districts.  Shut up.  You have no idea if they’re lapdogs or not.  They could be shittier than your district for all you know.  Maybe the Careers are better fed because they’re being raised for the murderdeath games and the district, as a whole, decided to give them more of an allotment from their limited food supplies.  Maybe they’re better fed because the previous winners (who we later find out are given tons of money) feed them.  Maybe they’re better fed because the district people have no qualms about taking tesserae, since they know that taking it won’t up their chances of being picked.  The possibilities are endless, and “Capitol lapdog” is way down on the list.

Way, way down, since I don’t exactly equate “lapdog” with “forced to send two kids off to die every fucking year just like the rest of the districts.”

This wouldn’t annoying quite so much if she would just display some of the same anger toward the Capitol.  I mean, the Careers are (supposedly) good at killing and she has reason to fear them in the immediate sense.  If she were a little less calculating and emotionless in her inner narration, I could forgive the assumption that they are monsters, because that could be considered an emotional reaction.  But in that case, it would be nice to see at least a little bit of “damn the Capitol for locking me in here with these monsters.”  If you read nothing of these books except the actual games section, you could get the idea that the Careers set this whole thing up themselves just because they wanted a good hunt.  That is how much they are vilified in this book, and how little the Capitol is blamed.

Universally, solidly hated by all but those from their own districts.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS, YOU’VE NEVER SPOKEN TO ANYONE OUTSIDE YOUR OWN DISTRICT.

I will eagerly watch the night skies for signs of his death, if I don’t kill him first myself.

Sociopath. 

“Why don’t we just kill him now and get it over with?”

“Let him tag along. What’s the harm? […] Besides, he’s our best chance of finding her.”

See?  They aren’t allied.  They’re just letting him tag along to use him.  This isn’t hard to figure out, but Katniss is too busy planning the death of everyone around her to pay attention.

“Wish we knew how she got that eleven.”

“Bet you Lover Boy knows.”

Meaning Peeta hasn’t told them yet.  Now, that could be self-serving.  After he’s told them, they have less reason to keep him alive, so he has to play his cards very carefully.  But, again, even with that reading it’s a pretty clear that he’s not here voluntarily, he’s just trying not to get stabbed in the face.

The sound of Peeta returning silences them.

Why do they care if Peeta hears them?  This isn’t high school, where they have a reputation to maintain and can’t talk shit in front of people.  They’re planning on killing the guy once he’s no longer useful.  They have no reason or need to talk behind his back about things that (to everyone by Katniss) are painfully obvious.

Except that this is high school, and the careers are being treated just like a “popular clique,” right down to being hated by everyone else in the “school.”

Until I work out exactly how I want to play that, I’d better at least act on top of things. Not perplexed. Certainly not confused or frightened. No, I need to look one step ahead of the game.

Why?  Why does this matter?  Why do you care?  The sponsorship is supposed to be all about picking the survivor, not all about picking who’s going to be voted off the island last.  As long as she can murder the fuck out of everyone around her, it shouldn’t matter if she’s “on top” of the high school drama or not.  I’m sure it makes for great television for the viewer, but having her be confused would also make for great television, so who the fuck cares?

And how is Katniss suddenly aware of this, but unable to figure out any other social situation presented to her so far in the book?  How is that Katniss can magically know exactly what she “needs” to do for sponsorship, but not figure out that the boy with a limp and bloody arm is not in a voluntary alliance?

So as I slide out of the foliage and into the dawn light, I pause a second, giving the cameras time to lock on me. Then I cock my head slightly to the side and give a knowing smile. There! Let them figure out what that means!

Hey, remember that theme through the book where Katniss is supposedly a bad actor and a terrible liar?  Yeah, the book doesn’t remember it either.  Whenever it would make for good television to have her lie, she’s suddenly awesome at it.

That’s basically what this book runs on.  The question of “would this make for good television or not?”  I shouldn’t be surprised, given the author’s background.

But have to. Too many years of hunting, I guess. And the lure of possible meat.

But…you didn’t knife the rabbit yesterday, despite being somehow good at knife throwing and having a magical hunting knife that is somehow throwable.

In no time, I’ve cleaned and gutted the animal, leaving the head, feet, tail, skin, and innards, under a pile of leaves.

STOP IT, KATNISS.  STOP BEING SO FATALLY STUPID.

Field dressing is not done by starving people.  Field dressing is done to make the carcass cool faster so it can be preserved.  If someone is going to eat the animal right away, then there’s no need to cool it down first.  Just eat the damn thing.

Furthermore, those “innards”?  They’re the best part of the animal.  That’s what’s going to keep her alive in these games.  The heart and kidneys and liver and brain and intestines, heck, even the skin, all that is edible and has far more of the good stuff she needs than the ultra-lean meat does.  That’s where the nutrients and the bare bit of fat she’s going to get come from.  Also, she’s letting all the blood out, and I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that she’s now on her second day without water and BLOOD IS MOSTLY MADE OUT OF WATER. 

It wouldn’t even make her sick to drink it.  It wouldn’t even taste bad, if she just cooks it first.  But apparently eating anything other than lean muscle-meat wouldn’t be “good television,” so we can’t show it, no matter how much it would SAVE HER FUCKING LIFE TO JUST DRINK THE GOD DAMN BLOOD AND EAT THE GOD DAMNED LIVER.

Fucking middle class brat.

I’m wishing for a fire—eating raw rabbit can give you rabbit fever

Handling an infected rabbit can give you rabbit fever.  Drinking water that an infected rabbit has shat in can give you rabbit fever.  Also, rabbit fever takes a while to set it, so she’ll either be dead or in the Capitol with their magitech before suffering any ill effects from rabbit fever.

And checking that discarded liver will tell her if the animal is sick or not, but “innards” are icky, so apparently we aren’t allowed to poke through them.

Sure enough, the coals of her dying fire are still hot. I cut up the rabbit, fashion a spit out of branches, and set it over the coals.

Without washing her hands first.  So if the rabbit was infected, she’s got the fever either way.  Also, KATNISS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  NO!  That is not how you cook a rabbit when you are both starving and dehydrated.  You’re letting all the fats and liquids drain out.  That is what people do when they’re afraid of getting fat, not when they’re too skinny to function already!

Fucking middle class brat.  Put the skin back on that thing and bury it in the coals.

Or just eat it raw.  Raw meat that’s that fresh is not a danger.  (Assuming it came from a clean animal.)  The reason we cook our meat is because the amount of processing and butchering it goes through means there’s a high chance of contamination, so it has to be cooked just in case.  (And to make it tasty.)  But if you kill the animal right there and don’t roll the carcass around in its own shit, then it’s fine to eat.

Why is this girl not dead yet?  And why isn’t she showing any signs of dehydration, since it’s been more than a day and she’s done just about everything in her power to make sure that rabbit gives her the bare minimum of water?

I’m glad for the cameras now.

Was there ever a time when you did mind them?

I want sponsors to see I can hunt, that I’m a good bet because I won’t be lured into traps as easily as the others will by hunger.

Seriously, how does sponsorship work?  Supposedly it’s tied to betting, saying that people will want to help along the tribute that they bet on.  But if that’s the case, then they should be looking for the highest return on their money.  If Katniss is showing herself to be self-sufficient now, then people will bet on her because they won’t have send her any gifts.  She’s basically waving a sign around that says “I DON’T NEED MONEY, HOW AWESOME IS THAT?”

Then again, I guess if she convinces a bunch of people to put bets on her because they assume they won’t need to help her, then when she does get in trouble they’ll throw good money after bad because they want to get at least some return back.  But that’s verging on a Batman Gambit, and Katniss hasn’t shown the social or planning ability to come up with that.  If it’s intentional, then it’s OOC.  If it’s unintentional, then it’s poor writing, because the author didn’t give any thoughts to this “sponsorship” program except to have a handy deus ex machina.  Any time she needs an item, sponsors did it!  Any time she needs to act in some way that has nothing to do with anything, sponsors did it!

I eat half the rabbit as I go, then wrap up the leftovers in my plastic for later.

Eat the whole rabbit.  No, really.  See, here’s the thing.  If she eats the whole rabbit, she gets all those calories.  They’re in her.  No one can take them from her.  If she wraps up half the rabbit, that means she could lose it or have it stolen or the smell of the meat could attract predators who will dig through her plastic and eat it.  As someone who is both a “consummate survivor” and starvation victim, she should know this.

But she doesn’t.  Because she’s neither of those things.  She’s a middle class brat who’s displaying the same habits as someone on an afternoon hike.

As I hike along, I feel certain I’m still holding the screen in the Capitol, so I’m careful to continue to hide my emotions.

Katniss just knows things, and she reacts perfectly to these things that she just knows.

Certainly Peeta has thrown a wrench into our star-crossed lover dynamic.

Not really.  That whole thing was never about Katniss anyway, it was all about Peeta, so it doesn’t matter how she reacts.  It wasn’t even “star-crossed lover” it was “unrequited lover.”  And besides, a scorned Peeta turning “evil” would make for good television.

Katniss never seems to quite grasp the idea that that’s all this is.  The Capitol just wants good television.  (And the author just wants to write good television.)  They don’t want her and Peeta to get together.  They aren’t shippers.  (Yet.)  They just want to watch some drama on the side of their bloody death.  Any way this situation gets sliced, it’s still good drama.  Or, well…its’ still drama.

It’s only been a day and I’m dehydrating fast.

Only?

It runs downhill, so, in fact, continuing down into this valley isn’t a bad thing. If I could just locate a game trail or spot a particularly green patch of vegetation, these might help me along, but nothing seems to change.

Wait, so, the book is aware of all that?  But still had her want to go uphill and sleep in a “clump” of willow trees?

I know I’m headed for trouble. What little urine I’ve been able to pass is a dark brown, my head is aching, and there’s a dry patch on my tongue that refuses to moisten.

LOLNOPE.  That should have been happening on the first day.  She should be feeling weak, have muscle cramps, be dizzy, and oh yeah HER BRAIN SHOULDN’T BE FUNCTIONING.  A little bit of a headache is what someone might get if they didn’t bring enough water on a hike.

I seriously think the author got all her information for this section from going on a hike.  It just…it just feels like hiking to me, not actual bushcraft. 

It’s late afternoon when I think I’ve found help. I spot a cluster of berry bushes and hurry to strip the fruit, to suck the sweet juices from the skins.

And she also knows that hydration doesn’t have to be pure water, but she can’t figure out that a rabbit is basically a bouncing bag of liquid?

Even the plant instructor in the Training Center made a point of telling us to avoid berries unless you were 100 percent sure they weren’t toxic.

LOLNOPE AGAIN.  Unless she was specifically warned away from arena berries because the Capitol likes to fuck with people, then this shouldn’t be an issue.  The vast majority of toxic berries will just cause cramps and general ickiness.  They’re meant to be deadly to birds and small animals, not humans.

Now, in Katniss’s case, cramps and diarrhea could very well be deadly, since she doesn’t have any water to lose or any time to waste.  This could very well be an arena-specific warning.  But it’s not:

Something I already knew, but I’m so thirsty it takes her reminder to give me the strength to fling them away.

She thinks this is something normal.

There’s a method on wikihow for testing if plants are poisonous.  (Seriously, author, it’s the first google result.  How did you not do research?)  It’s long and drawn out and Katniss doesn’t have time to waste, but she’s also dying of dehydration, so it would be normal for her to skip a few steps and just hit the highlights and assume that’s enough.  First you take a berry and crush it.  Rub it around on your fingers.  Smell it.  Poisons are generally bitter, so if it smells bitter, don’t take your chances.  If it burns or tingles on your fingers, that’s a bad sign, too.  Then put it in your mouth, but don’t swallow.  If it tastes bitter, spit it out.  If it burns or tingles, spit it out.  If it doesn’t after a few minutes, eat it.  Wait a while.  If you don’t feel sick, eat more.

Also, she’s gone two days without water.  I could see her flinging the berries away on the first day, but not the second.  People who are desperate take desperate risks.  There’s no sign in this book that she’s changing her priorities as her situation changes.  Then again, there’s also no sign that she’s suffering from two days without water, so…yeah.

Fatigue is beginning to settle on me, but it’s not the usual tiredness that follows a long hike. I have to stop and rest frequently, although I know the only cure for what ails me requires continued searching. I try a new tactic—climbing a tree as high as I dare in my shaky state—to look for any signs of water.

So, yeah, weakness from dehydration is not the same thing as just feeling tired.  It means you are physically weaker and incapable of doing things.  It does not mean you can “tough it out” and climb a fucking tree, which takes a considerable amount of effort more than just walking.

I’ve no appetite, but I suck on a rabbit bone just to give my mouth something to do.

Continuing my theme of “eat the entire rabbit,” bones are edible, too.  You can actually eat the bones themselves (though avoid cooked chicken bones), or you can throw them in a fire until they crack open, then suck out the marrow.  Marrow, by the way, is stuffed with good-for-you-ness.

For those of you at home that don’t want to do that, you can make soup from bones: throw some in a pot with water and simmer them for several hours.  All day if you can, though you’ll have to add more water at points.  Cooking them in a broth means all the goodness in them leeches out into the water, and then you can drink it or use it for a soup base.  That’s the kind of chicken broth they say is good for you when you’re sick, not the kind out of a can.  It’s the chicken bones that make you feel better, not the “chicken flavor” that Campbell’s adds to a can.  It’ll take on the consistency of jell-o, but that’s not fat, that’s gelatin from the bones.  (And is, in fact, what they put in jell-o to make it stiff.)

Okay, enough Cooking Tips with Whitley.

I see the picture of the girl, who was apparently from District 8.

Did anyone else die that day, or just the one girl?  Because if one girl died all day, and that at the start of the morning, then it’s a pretty good sign that this is a huge arena and the chances of running into anyone are pretty slim.  Which…why did the gamemakers create an arena so large that you can walk around all day and not see anyone?

Also, note that the only girl to die (maybe?  damn unclear writing) was killed by the careers.  So what are the rest of the kids doing?  Just hiding out and not killing each other?  PEETA, WANT TO NOT BE A GAME PIECE?  TAKE NOTES. 

Also, note that Katniss has yet to give any sort of fuck for that girl.  She notes the district she’s from (because that’s all that matters, it’s not like she was a person with a name) and then immediately goes from that to ruminating about Careers and thinking that she’s thirsty.

With the scarcity of water, they may even have had to return to the lake for refills.

Katniss brings this up several times, but never follows through on it.  She just keeps on walking away from the lake.  Also, it seems pretty stupid from the gamemaker’s perspective.  Kids will either be stuck close to the lake, limiting their range, or they’ll be outside that range and dehydrating to death.  Watching people dehydrate to death does not make for good television.

Morning brings distress. My heads throbs with every beat of my heart. Simple movements send stabs of pain through my joints.

About time.

I should be acting with more caution, moving with more urgency. But my mind seems foggy and forming a plan is hard. I lean back against the trunk of my tree, one finger gingerly stroking the sandpaper surface of my tongue, as I assess my options. How can I get water?

Return to the lake. No good. I’d never make it. Hope for rain. There’s not a cloud in the sky. Keep looking. Yes, this is my only chance. But then, another thought hits me

First, she says she can’t think and form plans, then she sits down and thinks for two pages and forms a plan.  Fail, author.  Fail.

Second, really, this should have been happening on the first day.  Saying that someone will die on the third day without water does not mean that they will function just find and then drop dead on day three.  It means that they will progressively get worse as the time goes on, and then on that last day they’ll just be laying on the ground breathing and nothing else, until finally the breathing stops.

I know I must have sponsors, at least one or two who could afford a pint of liquid for me. Yes, it’s pricey, but these people, they’re made of money.

Because Katniss is a Mary Sue, and she has magic knowledge.

Or has Peeta’s behavior made them all hang back? No, I don’t believe it. There’s someone out there who wants to buy me water only Haymitch is refusing to let it go through.

I can’t even blame Katniss for being crazy now.  It’s all the author’s fault at this point.  She wants to us know something that Katniss has no reason to know, and she’s not even trying to hide this fact.  She’s just shoving it in there anyway.

I know he hates me. He’s made that clear enough.

When?  He’s been generally surly, but he’s never shown hatred to Katniss, personally, and certainly not enough to let her die.  Then again, it’s in line for Katniss to assume everyone wants to kill her.  Except in this book she thinks that everyone who is helping her wants her to die, and she assumes everyone she’s never met (Capitol sponsors) are wonderful people who want to send her money.

Because…Capitol citizens=good and helpful, fellow tribute=bad and conniving?

Are we sure this book wants us to hate the Capitol?  Because I’m not really sure anymore.

If a mentor mistreats his tributes, he’ll be held accountable […] Say what you will about my fellow traders in the Hob, but I don’t think they’d welcome him back there if he let me die this way.

But they welcomed him back after he let every other tribute die in the games?

Of course.  Because only Katniss matters.  Only Katniss and Peeta are people.  Those past tributes were just nameless set pieces who didn’t count.

Is he just too drunk to even notice what’s going on at the moment? Somehow I don’t believe that and I don’t believe he’s trying to kill me off by neglect, either.

Because it’s not like people with a chemical dependence on alcohol will neglect important things because they can’t stop themselves.  Nope, people chose to be drunk and ignore their loved ones who need them.  They could stop at any point, they just want to.

Oh, wait, yeah, that’s not at all how it works but it is a very pervasive and harmful view.  And now I want to stab this book twice.

And then set it on fire.

Maybe he’s sending you a message, it says. A message. Saying what? Then I know.

That’s a pretty shitty message.  Seems to me that sending a message would involve sending something, not withholding.  Now, maybe if sending her something was planned on, and he changed the plan, that would be a message.  But just continuing to not send her stuff, like he’s been not sending her stuff all along, isn’t a message.  It’s just not sending her stuff.

But, whatever, Katniss has Magical Knowing Powers and knows stuff.

But by afternoon, I know the end is coming. My legs are shaking and my heart too quick. I keep forgetting, exactly what I’m doing. I’ve stumbled repeatedly and managed to regain my feet, but when the stick slides out from under me, I finally tumble to the ground unable to get up.

This isn’t the end for you, Katniss.  This is a process that should have happened, again, very quickly.

No, I’m serious.  I’ve suffered dehydration before.  First time was back in basic training, on a relatively short ruck march.  We were out for, maybe, two hours.  We stopped for a long halt, which meant we got to lay down on the side of the road and “watch out for enemies,” even though we were little baby soldiers and just collapsed and whined instead.  I passed out.  Straight the fuck out.  Woke up with a bunch of people gathered around me and one drill sergeant holding a needle, ready to jam it into my arm to give me saline solution that way.  I couldn’t lift my ruck afterward and had to ride back to the barracks in a truck.  AFTER TWO FUCKING HOURS.  WHILE DRINKING WATER.  (Not enough water, clearly, but I was drinking and still got dehydrated.)

Granted, it’s possible to stay awake and relatively comfortable for days if you’re resting and staying indoors.  Not if you’re outside and moving around.  Katniss should have gotten weak and faint-y on the first day.

She would not have died on the first day.  Weak and faint-y does not equal death.  Your body can last longer while at rest than while moving.  It’s a self-defense mechanism.  Your body realizes that your conscious brain is doing stupid stuff, so it knocks you out so stop wasting energy.  Then you can survive, laying on the ground and passing in and out of consciousness, for a very long time after that.

So Katniss isn’t about to die, she’s just about to lie there in a stupor while waiting to die for…well, if this had been on a proper time scale, probably another day or more.

It’s all I can do not to plunge my face into the water and gulp down as much as I can hold.

She’s desperate, is losing her mind to dehydration (or claims to be, at least), and is near to passing out after three days without drinking.  But she still has the presence of mind to stop and purify the water before drinking it. 

Because apparently using iodine to purify water is the only thing the author looked up, and she’d rather show off that than display a suffering victim with any degree of sense or realism.

eating rabbit, and even indulge in one of my precious crackers.

Oh, yeah, the crackers.  She should have eaten those right away, too.  Because those crackers aren’t safe in her pack, they’re only safe in her belly.

People will save back food like that when they’re hiking because they want something to eat when they get hungry.  But that’s just because being hungry is no fun, not because it’s some sort of efficiency thing.  If Katniss eats the crackers now or later, she gets the same amount of calories from them.  She doesn’t have enough food to be treating these like leftovers.  If she eats 500 calories now and 500 calories later, or if she eats 1000 calories now, she’s still getting the same amount.  Except that the way she’s doing it, there’s a high chance she’ll lose that second set of calories, because they aren’t in her belly.

This isn’t even something I’m making up.  This is how people who aren’t hiking treat their food.  Soldiers back in WWI and II would do this, because they’d be out in the field for days and weeks at a time and have food air-dropped to them.  They would eat everything they possibly could at the start, especially the perishable stuff, then save back the light-weight leftovers.  They did it partly to conserve room in their rucks and partly to just get the food in them where it was safe.  When you have no guarantee that you’re going to have time or ability to eat later, no guarantee that your backpack is still going to be there later, you don’t put your life-sustaining food away.  You eat it.

But Katniss is out on a fucking picnic or something, so she takes a nap instead.

By the way, if you want to lose weight, one of the suggestions is to not eat meals at all, just eat snacks and little tiny meals throughout the day, so your digestive system is constantly working on something.  That way you don’t get hungry and gorge, and also, constant digestion burns calories. 

Next chapter: how not to survive a forest fire.