I’d been waiting for the crunch of tires on gravel since pushing the disconnect button on Ysabeau’s tiny mobile phone—and since then it hadn’t been out of my sight.

Yes, Diana.  We’re all aware of and disappointed by your complete dependence on Matthew and your lack of any ability to do anything without him.  You don’t need to keep pointing it out and depressing us further. 

When he finally shows up again, she runs out the door to glomp him.

“Don’t do that again,” I whispered, my eyes shut against sudden tears. “Don’t ever do that again.”

I would just like to remind everyone that he’s been gone for two fucking days.  If you are ever in a relationship where you break apart and go emo at someone leaving for two fucking days, you probably need to step back and evaluate your priorities.  He wasn’t even going to do anything dangerous, just check on the lab, and it’s not like he left under suspicious circumstances.  She’s really just that upset at a normal weekend apart from him.  Because…co-dependence is sexy?

They gush about how much they love each other and make out.  I don’t know, it’s been three weeks, but it’s been three weeks of almost constant company, so I guess it’s just a little rushed for talking about love.  It’s better than those books where it happens in a matter of days.  But it’s just so…angsty and overwrought.  Okay, you love each other, did love eat your brain cells and make you forget about everything else going on? 

Probably.

After a long while, Matthew loosened his hold enough that he could speak. “You are mine now.”

Uhg, please, go back to the research fail.  Why are you doing this to me?

“We are one, from this moment forward. Do you understand?”

“I think so.” I understood, at the very least, that no one and nothing was going to keep me from Matthew.

“She has no idea.” Ysabeau’s voice rang through the courtyard. Matthew stiffened, his arms circling me protectively. “With that kiss you have broken every rule that holds our world together and keeps us safe. Matthew, you have marked that witch as your own. And, Diana, you have offered your witch’s blood—your power—to a vampire. You have turned your back on your own kind and pledged yourself to a creature who is your enemy.”

“It was a kiss,” I said, shaken.

“It was an oath. And having made this promise to each other, you are outlaws. May the gods help you both.”

…someone tell me this isn’t the accidental ‘marriage’ that I’ve been hearing so much about?  Because, to be honest…no, it was just a kiss.  I mean, they got some heavy petting in there, but nothing else.  But this book is really trying to pass off one make-out as ‘breaking every rule that keeps society together’?

Look, I don’t know how else I can say this.  Your romance is not of cosmic importance.  I’m sure it’s all fun and sunshine and tickle feelings for you, and that’s fine, but it’s not of cosmic importance.  You are not that special.  You are two Mary Sues that fell in love, and that’s it.  Insisting that two people’s romance can be so huge and important that it shakes the very foundations of reality just makes you sound melodramatic. 

Authors, really, romance is fun.  (When done right.)  I get the draw, both in writing it and reading it.  I really do.  But if it’s only important to the two people involved, that’s okay.  We’ll still read it.  You don’t need to resort to these levels of dramatization to get people invested in your romance. 

Ysabeau starts calling Diana ‘daughter,’ so I guess that really was the marriage?  Fuck, there wasn’t even any magic involved, it was literally just kissing and moaning and petting.  I shall hold my rage for the reveal, just in case I’m wrong.  Anyway, Ysabeau says that they’re all a family and will fight as a family so even though Matthew and Diana are morons, they can stay.  Also, Diana will have to learn to use her unlimited Sue powers and stop relying on everyone else to save her.

Matthew disagrees, for absolutely no reason at all. 

Matthew, mon cher, if the witch is brave enough to want you, she has no reason to fear her own power.

*sigh*  So in this book about ‘female empowerment,’ the bravest thing the main character has done is…fall in love.  Seriously, her entire character and ‘strength’ is based around falling into a traditional role, based around emotions that she doesn’t have any control over.  Yeah, great message, book.

Apparently the breakin at Matthew’s lab was someone trying to get Diana’s DNA information.  They didn’t actually get to the lab, so I don’t know how they know what the thief was after.  Someone also broke into Diana’s apartment, presumably to get a DNA sample, but oh what luck!  Diana cleans out her hairbrush and flushes the hair down the toilet every day.

Because as we all know, hairbrushes are the only place you can find hair in someone’s apartment. 

Seems her mother taught her to do this since hair can be used against people in spells.  Okay, that makes some sense.  (But what about the hair on her pillow?  On her jackets?  On her every fucking thing ever because that’s what happens with long hair?)

“Is this why you were so angry? Because those creatures violated my territory?”

“Yes.”

…  Why, book?  Why?  Matthew is angry because of some affront to his newly acquired personal property, but not because it means someone is trying to hurt his beloved?  He’s not afraid for her, or angry that she’s being threatened, or that he can’t do anything in retaliation since they don’t know enough, no.  He’s angry because apparently protocol wasn’t followed properly. 

Priorities!

Keeping you safe is instinctive now.”

That’s…not as romantic as the book seems to think.  It’s like saying “I just can’t help it.  It’s not because I love you and made the conscious decision to protect you, nope, it’s just instincts.  If I didn’t have such a well developed set, I’d probably just stand by and do nothing.”  I’d much rather have a partner who wants to protect me rather than one who feels compelled to whether he likes it or not.

They get around to talking about the magic book again, but say nothing we don’t already know.  Witches want it, so they’re after Diana in order to get it.  *yawn*

Oh, joy, Matthew can read her mind.  Somehow.  It’s mentioned off-hand, like it’s just a funny oddity, and given absolutely no comment.  Diana doesn’t blink an eye at the fact that she can apparently keep no secrets from this man who has some sort of strange fetish for controlling her.  How much creepier can this book get?

The rest of the chapter is just mindless bull about how they dither on with the rest of the day, doing normal boring stuff.  Then they go to bed, and Matthew and Diana share a bed for some unconscious-sleep.  I’m not too bothered by that (she did want that earlier in the book, and makes no complaints now) but the fact that Matthew plans to just stay up all night staring at her instead of sleeping is…I guess mostly just strange.  At least he warns her about it first.

Of course, Diana is so dull and so unreactive to all his creepy shit that I honestly can’t tell if she’s okay with all of this or just keeping quiet.