Diana and Matthew sit around and chat about how Ysabeau is currently wandering around and making sure there’s none of the scary vampires around that are being such mean poopie heads for trying to break up our Wonder Pair.  Aaaaand, yup, then we get to the ‘marriage.’

“Did I miss something?” I finally asked. “When were we married?”

Matthew’s eyes lifted. “The moment I came home and said I loved you.

I would like you all to note that.  ‘The moment I said…’  It was entirely on Matthew’s end that this marriage happened.  Which means that, it’s a thing he did to her, with no warning, without her consent.  There was never a moment of ‘If I say this, that means we’re married, are you sure?’  No warning of any sort.  Notice it’s also not the moment he felt in love with her; it was the moment he said it.  So this was an event entirely within his control, one which he knew she didn’t know the full ramifications of, and yet he went right on ahead with it anyway.  He tricked her into marriage, not by accident, but via actions that were completely within his control and which Diana had no option in.

It wouldn’t stand up in court perhaps,

Perhaps?  You’re actually unsure on this point, Matthew?  Are you serious?

Throughout history, consensual marriage has always been very important.  You have to get the woman to agree, at least nominally.  You could (legally) make her say “I do” by holding a shotgun to her head, but she had to actually get the words out.  In times when women were basically traded for political clout and they had zero personal rights, they still had to say something in order to make a marriage valid.  Matthew has absolutely no ‘Oh, I’m from old-times’ excuse for this.  He’s actually below the level of Dark Ages when it comes to women’s rights.

“Vampires mate the way lions do, or wolves,” he explained, sounding like a scientist in a television documentary. “The female selects her mate, and once the male has agreed, that’s it. They’re mated for life, and the rest of the community acknowledges their bond.”

His excuse is that Diana said ‘I love you,’ and that was her ‘picking’ him, he just had to accept.  However, that’s bullshit.  ‘Love’ is not the same as ‘mate for life,’ because it turns out people are capable of falling in love more than once in an eternity.  Matthew of all people should know this, since he’s had at least one wife before. 

“But you’re not a vampire. Do you mind that I think of you as my wife?”

But oddly enough, this whole situation isn’t making me rage as much as I thought it would.  They aren’t legally married, it’s just a culture thing, and apparently they could just “lol, nope” it if she wanted.  I mean, if I’m proven wrong on that count, I’ll rage more later, but its seeming pretty mild so far. 

Don’t get me wrong; it’s still horrible for him to say “I love you” without informing her of what all it included.  It’s extremely manipulative behavior and not in the least bit romantic.  But if it’s just a title, then it’s also no worse than everything else he’s done so far.  She can wave it off and say ‘y’all crazy’ any time she wants.  I mean, hell, only he, Diana, Ysabeau, and Marthe even know it happened. 

“And when two vampires mate,” I inquired, when I could manage it, “is it expected that the female will obey the male, just like the rest of the pack?”

“I’m afraid so,” he said, looking down at his hands.

Aaaaaand we’re back to rage.

What is up with treating these expectations like they’re physical imperatives?  So vampires expect her to submit, so what?  Unless there’s some magic involved that will force her to do it, she can still say “fuck all” to cultural expectations and go on about her merry old way.  All that’s going on here is a bunch of people she already doesn’t like telling her to behave some way, and she has no reason at all to listen to them.  And yet, they carry on about it like there’s some unbreachable force of nature that’s imposing these roles. 

Hey, Matthew, remember all that claptrap about breaking through social barriers and having yoga classes with daemons and witches?  You can do the same thing with gender bullshit.

You, too, Diana.

Diana just goes along with this whole sudden-wife thing like it’s no big deal, just like she’s gone right along with everything else in this book.  Frankly, it’s more than a little creepy.  All this deeply misogynistic stuff happens to her, and instead of reacting to any of it, she gives a little shrug like “huh, I guess that’s just how it is.”  No, Diana, that’s not how it is, that’s people doing stuff to you.  It wouldn’t kill you to have a reaction or two that goes beyond your ‘fuck me now’ hormones.

“This is why Ysabeau was so upset yesterday over our kiss in the courtyard.” It explained both her anger and her abrupt surrender. “Once you were with me, there was no going back.”

Okay, really, is there magic in this?  Or is there just a cultural taboo against divorce?  Is he ‘allowed’ to drag her back if she runs away?  What’s enforcing this ‘no going back’ bullshit?

And why didn’t anyone explain this to her beforehand, or at least when it happened?

Blah, blah, they get ready for bed, there’s a long drawn-out description of getting naked (and what is with thinking that ice-cold vampires are sexy?) and they go to bed.  But Matthew doesn’t want sex yet.

“I keep telling you we have no reason to rush. Modern creatures are always in such a hurry,”

Oh, but you’ll trick her into a pseudo-marriage without so much as a by-your-leave?

Instead they go to bed and pet at each other and talking about how intimacy is so much more than just having sex.  I’d feel better about this scene if Matthew hadn’t been such a complete dick leading up to it. 

Oh, yeah, and if it HAD A FUCKING POINT.  How many chapters now have we spent completely stalled in order to dither on about Matthew and Diana’s relationship?  I’ve lost count.

Uhg, this is still going on.  Three pages about Matthew’s scars.  It’s just as unfascinating as it sounds.

I pulled the sheets over my head like a tent. Then there was silence except for an occasional gasp from Matthew, the crackle of the logs in the fireplace, and in time his own cry of pleasure.

And this just sounds like she hid and he…spontaneously had an attack of orgasms.  Is he just really turned on by sheet-covered women?

Subtlety: still not doing it right.

blah, blah, even more overdramatic talking.  They never shut up, and yet manage to never say anything worth printing.  It’s nearly astounding.

Then Matthew goes to sleep.  Diana wakes up in the middle of the night and goes for a walk for, seriously, no reason at all.  I hate it when characters explicitly state that they have no idea why they’re doing something.  It just makes more obvious that the author forced them into it.  While she’s outside, a flying witch snatches her.  First interesting thing that’s happened, but it’s the end of the chapter. 

It’s like this book is mocking me.