The chapter opens up with Rachel going on about how awesome it is to have a cat’s “grace” and all I can do is giggle.  I mean, sure, cats are pretty cool and there’s a reason we equate them to graceful acrobatic feats.  And then there’s all the cat owners in the world who enjoy watching them fall off furniture on a regular basis.  So the book isn’t really doing anything wrong, but I still find it funny.

There’s a lot more padding with Rachel being cat-y and cat stuff before they finally get back to the point.  I’m just sitting here thinking “really?  You couldn’t take even a fraction of this page time and put it toward making us care about Melissa?”

I also smelled the humans: Melissa, Mr. Chapman, and Ms. Chapman. Don’t ask me how I knew that what I smelled were those three people. I just knew.

Nope, I’m going to ask anyway.  Identifying smells does not come under the umbrella of “instincts.”  Even for cats.  You have to teach them what certain smells mean.  (Or they learn from experience, but same concept.)  She can know that there are three distinct smells in the house, she can surmise from her time outside and various sniffing what humans generally smell like.  She can use her logic to decide that the three prominent, vaguely related smells she’s getting belong to the three people that she knows live there.  She can figure this stuff out.  But she can’t know, right off the bat, from the get-go, which smell belongs to which person.

In fact, the way she categorically ignores all the “not-Fluffer” smells in the house annoys me.  She just automatically knows that they aren’t important, despite having nothing but instinct to go on.

Have you ever taken a pet cat or a pet dog to a new location?  What’s the first thing they do?  That’s right; they smell everything.  Because these are new smells, uncategorized smells, smells that haven’t been indentified and labeled as either safe or not-safe.  Unless Fluffer’s memories and conditioning came over with his DNA, Rachel should be reacting to this house like she’s a new cat visiting for the first time.

On the other hand, I guess it’s good they don’t spend even more page time on that, because it is a short book.  And now moving on to Melissa!

Chapman was just sitting on the couch. No TV. No music. He wasn’t reading a book or a newspaper. Just sitting.

Legit creepy, although it does bring up another question: do Yeerks not get bored?  Is Chapman’s Yeerk perfectly happy to just there staring into space?  Is he up in Chapman’s head doing maintenance that doesn’t require any outward indicators?

Anyway, Rachel is distracted by Chapman’s freakiness and the follows him when he goes down to the basement.  Yup, she was ‘distracted’ by the thing that she came to do in the first place. 

Chapman goes into the basement where he unlocks a door, there’s a five-foot empty space, and then there’s another steel door with an automatic opener that leads to a hidden room.  …why?  Unless the house came with a panic room built-in, that had to be added after Chapman was taken.  Are the Yeerks just really good at digging out new rooms in the basement?  Did they get this all done overnight, or while Melissa was at school?  With no equipment for the neighbors to ask questions about and no noise?

Both adults in the house are already taken, and they have a basement.  Just slap a lock on the door, tell Melissa there’s mold or flooding or whatever down there if she asks, and put your alien telephone in the room that already exists.  Don’t waste resources building secret rooms. 

That’s really all this is.  A waste of resources.  The Yeerks are an invading army, and one of the main concerns of invaders is resources.  They have to bring everything with them, including personnel.  Now, sure, they can steal shit once they arrive or use their host’s money, but it’s all going to be technologically inferior Earth stuff, and also nothing gets around the fact that it takes time and manpower, two things that the Yeerks can’t steal more of.  And yet every book shows the Yeerks wasting money or wasting tech or wasting time or wasting people by infesting useless children.  It’s a very wasteful invasion.  No wonder it took them three years to build up any real steam.

Visser Three video-calls in.  (Speaking of wasted resources…is there a reason this couldn’t be done over a regular telephone?  Is there a reason that V3 needed to show up in his full, glorious three-dimensional image in order to talk?  I mean, there’s the telepathy to consider, but the hologram phone translates it into audible sound, so why can’t they make one translation machine that works on V3’s end and then sends the actual noise into a telephone mike?)

“Is there progress on locating the Andalite bandits?”

You knew, for sure, without a doubt, that they were kids last book. 

Did they assume that the “kids” from the construction site were actually Andalites and they’d been mistaken?  Did they assume that there were kids and Andalites running around, and just decided to deprioritize the kid-hunt?

And I smelled something else. Something not totally human. It was very faint … was that the Yeerk itself I was smelling? Was I smelling the Yeerk slug in Chapman’s head?

The same thing happened last book with Jake sniffing Tom.  Remember how they can’t tell anyone about the Yeerks because that person might actually be a Yeerk?  Well, here’s a clear work-around.  Just morph and sniff them first. 

After Chapman and V3 talk about how there’s no progress made on finding the bandits, V3 spots the cat and wants it killed.  There’s some physical banter between V3 and cat!Rachel (odd application of banter, but whatever) before Chapman points out that murdered pets are kind of a big deal in our society.  More so than the murdered homeless guy from the first book.  (Nope, I didn’t forget about him, book.)

V3 makes some vague comments about infesting Melissa.  But why?  What use is she?  And if he’s so keen on doing it, what’s stopping him?  What ‘resolving’ needs to be done on the matter?  No answers, we just move on to torture-porn to intimidate Chapman with.

He … he morphed into a Vanarx. A Yeerkbane.“

I have a pet beagle.  A lovable breed of dog.

I have to tell you this twice, because you, as a member of the human race who is familiar with common animals, do not know what a beagle is.

Or something.

Ms. Chapman looked shocked. “He used a Vanarx on an Iniss of the second century?”

There’s a lot of little details like this that hint at a really interesting culture, but we never get to see any payout from it.  I’m assuming ‘second century’ comes from the number (Iniss 174), perhaps…I don’t know, the second set of 100 Yeerks to be named Iniss?  Is this an age=reverence thing?  Maybe?  Well, we’ll never find out. 

Ever.

Seriously, you could probably ask the authors what they meant by it and they’ll blink back at you and go “we wrote that, really?”  They’ve done it before.  And it doesn’t make them bad people; these books were written in a month and on a shoestring.  But that doesn’t make it less annoying that we’re being teased.

Melissa comes down and has a stiff conversation with her parents, then goes back upstairs with Rachel following.  Tobias gets in contact with her.

You let him out of the cat-carrier?  Why?

Oh, dramatic convenience.  Le sigh.

Despite the fact that the real cat is on his way home for reasons of stupid, Rachel decides to stay put and comfort Melissa while Melissa cries about how her parents don’t love her any more.  It’s legitimately depressing and heart-string-tugging, but I’m distracted by how Rachel’s time-crunch is entirely contrived.  Tobias is shouting at her to get out, and Rachel is all “STFU, this is more important,” and this could all have been done with the normal 2-hour time limit, no need to let the cat out of his carrier. 

Next time Marco asked why we were fighting the Yeerks, I knew I would have a whole new answer. Because they destroy the love of parents for their daughter. Because they made Melissa Chapman cry in her bed with no one to comfort her but a cat.

And while that is indeed incredibly sad, I don’t see why it would be more convincing than “because they want to fucking take over the planet.”  I mean, there’s a lot you can do with this concept.  It’s highly demoralizing, so it could be to take Rachel down from “WAR IS GLORIOUS” to “oh, shit, that’s a kind of pain I didn’t expect.”  It certainly adds a new dimension that doesn’t get played with very often in war stories.  But then the book decides not to treat it as a dimension and instead to treat it as this big grand thing.

Wars suck.  Wars suck for lots of reasons.  The suck that is a war is highly complex and nuanced, and in some ways really confusing because the suck can also be addictive and exciting.  Wars can suck in ways that pop up out of nowhere and donkey punch you when you thought you’d already been desensitized.  But that does not mean that one aspect of the suck should be blown out of proportion or taken out of context.  This really should be a surprise jab, not a major event like the text is trying to turn it into.

And it’s a shame because the small jabs like this do still have a place and need to be talked about.  There’s even a lot of depth that you can go into with having people narrow their focus down on small things, because it’s easier to deal with than the big-planet-stealing picture.  But we just don’t go into that here.  It’s not explored, it’s just thrown out there.  If anything, they save that for the Jake/Tom angst, where the concept gets drawn out over several books and story arcs. 

So…you discovered something useless and something that you already knew. 

I guess the direct line of communication thing could be useful.  On the other hand, it could go one of two ways: either Chapman is pretty high ranking (which they already knew, though for no reason) or everyone and their cousin has one of these things.  And they won’t know which unless they break into more houses.  And even so, was that news really worth the risk?

And last book you…weren’t sure?

The next day the kids all fly to a bell tower to have their super secret meeting, because five birds of prey going to one tower isn’t suspicious, but five kids hanging out somewhere is?

And also there’s more banter.  Banter, and Rachel deciding what she’d already decided last book.  And rhetoric about how cool flying is.  I’m honestly surprised at how much filler fit into such a short book.

Rachel wants to go back in and find out where the Kandrona is.  And also what it is.  Why was this not discussed before the first time she went in?  They decide to spy, but don’t know what they’re looking for.  Then, without any hints or prompting from the first mission, they decide they want this specific piece of information.  Why?  I mean, really, Rachel just pops up with this plan out of the blue.

The others are suspicious of why she wants to go back in, again for no reason.  There’s no logic to these conversations.  People just automatically know what they want or what they should be nervous about, without any of these things coming about organically.  Cassie suggests that someone go in with Rachel this time, Marco mentions a flea, and then Rachel shoots down the idea.

When they gather to send Rachel back into the house the next day, Jake is missing.  So, yeah, he’s obviously a flea. I mean, the flea line was subtle enough that a newbie reader wouldn’t pick up on the text hints like a long-time reader would, but the rest?  It was brought up and then dropped again far to awkwardly to be anything except a textual wink-and-nod.

You know how rain smells awesome?  Well, water doesn’t actually have a smell, it just carries smells really, really well.  So when you think you can “smell the rain coming,” really you’re just smelling hyped-up versions of all the normal smells in your area.

And rain brings some new stuff with it and causes environmental changes that release new smells, but the basic point is that water does not get rid of smells.

Rachel goes back into the house, while worrying about Jake so that we’re sure to worry about him too, and follows Chapman into the basement again.  She says she has to keep for-sure out of sight this time, because…cats aren’t prone to curiosity and are so well known for respecting closed doors?

Jake decides to talk to her telepathically at the worst possible time, when she’s trying to sneak in the door.  Jake’s a flea, and all the others are in on this because…forcing her to take on a partner was so much more reasonable than just convincing her of the good idea?

Really, we have no idea why Rachel shot down the idea before, and everyone else dropped it really fast instead of arguing with her.  They jumped straight into lying to her, even though lying is like the worst possible option in this situation.  With so few of them up against such a big threat, communication and trust are vitally important.  And on a smaller scale, Jake is a flea.  He has to talk to Rachel or else he’s useless, because he can’t sense anything.   And springing this on her was 1) dangerous, because of exactly what happened in this book and 2) not likely to make her want to play along.

V3 comes in and says he’s got four new voluntary hosts. 

“Two are children recruited through The Sharing, the front organization. Of the two adults one is an agent for the FBI, a sort of policeman. He may be very -”

“FOOL!”

Shut up, V3.  I want to know about the FBI guy.  Is he just a paper pusher, or someone who can do some actual harm?  Is there an FBI field office in Ani-town, or is he there on vacation?

And for god’s sake, why are you wasting people on Controlling kids?  Let the two kids go and bring in two of the FBI man’s FBI buddies.

V3 cares nothing about the primary mission he was sent to accomplish and instead wants to know about the bandits.  No progress.  Then he conveniently starts talking about the Kandrona and putting extra guards around it.

Chapman kicks Rachel and discovers her there, which to V3 means she is for-sure one of the bandits.  Because, again, cats aren’t curious in this world. 

V3 wants Rachel brought in alive for reasons of torture and interrogation, but…um, just stick an underling in her head, no torture needed.  Eh, I guess V3 is kind of a sick fuck.  Maybe that’s how he gets his jollies off.  (It’s a kids book!)

Rachel claws the shit out of Chapman, but he still catches her, because he’s human-sized.  V3 wants the cat and also, for some reason, Melissa.  He even hand-picked an underling for Melissa.  Because…god damnit, 13 year-old girls are just vital to his plans of world domination, okay?  Anyway, he’s going to come and collect both of them.

Chapman and Ms. Chapman get together and put Rachel in a cat-carrier, then talk about going to get Melissa as well, but the real Mr. and Ms. rebel.

“Host rebellion,” Ms. Chapman muttered under her breath. She seemed horrified and fascinated all at once. Then, suddenly, her left hand slapped her own face.

“Ahhhhh! Mine … mine … too.”

When I fall down the stairs, I announce to everyone near me “Ouch, I’m falling!”

Because, having eyes and brains and basic reasoning skills, they can’t tell that I’m falling unless I announce it.

I know this is being done so that the reader knows what’s going on, but it’s still sloppy.

Still, if you take out the awkward prose, OMG CHAPMAN FEELZ! 

The whole concept really is just heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time.

The two Yeerks decide that they can’t keep playing the game with unwilling hosts, because Chapman just has to freak out once in public to blow cover.  Sure, people won’t think he’s an alien, but they won’t let him around 13 year-old girls anymore.  (And remember, those teenagers are so vital to V3’s plot.) They decide not to take Melissa and to just hope that V3 can be reasoned with.

Melissa comes down and cries about Fluffer being taken away, and neither parent says a word to her, not even just a “he flipped out and clawed up your father, look at all those scratch marks.  We think he has rabies and will take him to the vet.” So, because these two spontaneously lost the ability to lie, Tobias drives the real Fluffer into the mix to give them a more handy lie about Rachel being a different cat.  So glad we wasted time on that and made Melissa whine like five year old instead of a teenager.

“But why didn’t you just tell me that?”

Chapman looked confused. “I … I didn’t notice you.”

Seriously, you guys suck at lying.

Rachel and Jake talk in the car and she wants him to run away.  He refuses, so she threatens, and finally he agrees.  Not once does anyone bring up the “I’ll just stay until we know where you’re being taken and then go off to bring in the cavalry.”  Nope, it’s just all or nothing with these guys.