This review was originally written and posted in October 2013.

This book starts out with our main character, Thomas, in a dark, noisy elevator.  I really like the opening.  There’s lots of ominous descriptions about the elevator and the creepy noises it makes and the whole desolate atmosphere going on.  Pretty good writing.

Thomas knows his own name, but literally nothing else from before the start of the book.  He does, however, have perfectly functioning general knowledge.  Considering this is probably magic (or sci-fi) brain muckage, I won’t talk about actual memory loss.

A long time passed. Minutes stretched into hours, although it was impossible to know for sure because every second seemed an eternity. No. He was smarter than that. Trusting his instincts, he knew he’d been moving for roughly half an hour.

…oh, book.  I had high hopes for about two pages, there. 

Actually, no, one’s time perception is not connected to one’s intelligence, and you can’t power through an absolute lack of reference points with “no, I’ll just try really hard.”

Strangely enough, he felt his fear whisked away like a swarm of gnats caught in the wind, replaced by an intense curiosity.

If you hang a lampshade on the fact that your characterization makes no sense, that doesn’t magically make it come around to sense again.  And in this case it’s even worse, since there’s no reason he couldn’t have simply been curious to begin with.

his echo amplified through the air, like the haunted moan of death.

We’re not going to keep getting these CC style similes, are we? 

He felt a worrying shudder in his chest, as if his heart wanted to escape, to flee his body.

Excuse me while I go groan a haunted death moan.

The elevator stops and slowly opens, and a bunch of people look in speaking future slang.  The people are all teenage boys, and they pull him out of the elevator and welcome him to “the Glade.”  He looks around while the kids tease him for looking around, though…that seems strange.  The summary of the book tells me that a new boy arrives at regular intervals, but they’re laughing at him as if he’s doing something unusual.  Do the other boys who arrive…not look around all confused?  It doesn’t help that they’re laying on the future slang thick, which leaves Thomas just as confused as the rest of us.

But again, this shouldn’t be something unusual to the incumbents.  So why are they doing this?  Shits and giggles?  They are teenage boys, I guess that would fit, but it’s still a bit of a stretch.

The Glade is a big square field surrounded by tall grey walls, and each wall has an opening in it.  The field has crops growing in part of it and an orchard.

Thomas takes a long time to view all of this…while the other kids are talking?  In between the talking?  Are they randomly standing off to the side quietly?  Well, he finally deigns to look at the other kids and…

Captors, he thought. Then, Why did that word pop into my head? He scanned their faces, taking in each expression, judging them.

Oh, you’re going to be one of those characters, aren’t you?

One boy is, apparently, very mean because he glares at Thomas.  This means…jack nothing, book, shut up.  He knows literally nothing about Thomas, so how can he hate the kid?  He probably just glares at everyone.  Maybe his face is stuck that way, like how your mother always threatens will happen.

Another kid named Alby seems to be in charge and quiets all the other kids, then tells Thomas nothing.

“It’s a long story, shank,” the boy said. “Piece by piece, you’ll learn—I’ll be takin’ you on the Tour tomorrow. Till then … just don’t break anything.”

…are you particularly in a hurry, Alby, or do you just get your rocks off by not telling anyone stuff?

Some instinct took over his actions and without saying anything he turned away from Alby

Instinct, huh?  Sounds more like author puppeting.

Books, please stop using ‘instinct’ as if they can be used to circumvent actual character motivation.

Thomas sits off in the corner and demands to hear the long story.  You don’t get any brownie points for making the characters do what they should have been doing anyway.

Alby bungles the start of telling this story, but at least he says sensible stuff in his bungling.  He says that if Thomas isn’t scared, they’ll kill him because that means he’s a psycho.  I can get behind that.

“Man,” Alby said, then ran his hands over his short hair as he let out a long sigh. “I ain’t good at this—you’re the first Greenbean since Nick was killed.”

Well…did you think that a newbie wasn’t coming?  Why were you not prepared?  What did you say to the last newbie, even if it was a long time ago?

A new kid named Newt shows up and tells Alby to tell it all to him tomorrow so he doesn’t have a heart attack.  But…being uncertain and without answers is more likely to scare people, not less.  Tell me there’s alien zombies outside the door and the lock isn’t all that sturdy, and that’ll still be less scary than just sitting there listening to the noises and wondering what’s about to eat me.  At least I can deal with knowledge.

Thomas reached out and shook the boy’s hand—he seemed a lot nicer than Alby.

…no, he seems a lot more laid-back than Alby.  Alby has done exactly nothing mean so far.

Thomas continues to prove my point by asking questions, to which Alby tells him to shut up.

“Whacker, if we told you everything, you’d die on the spot, right after you klunked your pants. Baggers’d drag you off, and you ain’t no good to us then, are ya?”

Literally no one has ever died from listening to scary news.

Well, no one who started out healthy, at least.

“Ain’t got time to be nice, Greenbean. Old life’s over, new life’s begun. Learn the rules quick, listen, don’t talk. You get me?”

WHY ARE YOU IN A HURRY?  WHAT RULES?  WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH?

This is not how normal people act.  Some bungling, I could imagine, but this is laying it on too thick.  By this point, we’re clearly in to “for the sake of pacing” territory.  If you can’t think of a good reason to delay the chit chat time, then think harder, don’t go “well just because I said so.”

Newt takes him towards a building to settle his sleeping arrangements, but before they get there someone starts screaming bloody murder.  Newt doesn’t seem surprised by this (apparently it’s something medical related) and he runs off to deal with it while telling Thomas to find someone named Chuck.

On the one hand, I kind of like the overall tone of this.  Other people know what’s going on, and they’re treating all this weirdness like it’s business as usual and expecting the viewpoint character to keep up.  That’s a fine idea and intent, but it’s not done right.  There’s not enough going on to justify the running around, because there’s nothing going on so far as we know.  If there was more activity, the rush would make sense.  If this wasn’t a routine activity, then the lack of protocol would make sense.

Instead, people are just standing around…because reasons.