After failing to find anything at library (by which, of course, I mean ‘anything that spells the matter out for her in succinct terms,’ because apparently clues are too hard for this girl), Cally decides to play billiards.  She assumes that she’ll be able to pick up the game in a snap, and she loses her temper when she’s no good at it.

No, really.

A shriek of rage ripped from her throat, and Celaena ran over to the pocket. She first screamed at the ball, then took the cue in her hands and bit down upon the shaft, still screaming through her clamped teeth. Finally the assassin stopped and slapped the three ball into the pocket.

I think I’m supposed to see this as “look, see, she’s not perfect!  lol!”  But it goes too far.  Mostly because, why did she think she’d be good at this to start with?  If she’s been training as long as she has, if she’s picked up as many skills as she claims, then she should be fully aware of the fact that you’re not supposed to be brilliant at something from the get-go.  She’s throwing a hissy-fit because she couldn’t figure out billiards in less than an hour.

If this were a side-effect of stress from the rest of her day, I’d buy that.  She wants to play a game, and games are supposed to be fun, but this one is just frustrating and piles on top of all her other frustration and etc, etc.  However, it’s simply not written well enough for me to feel that, especially since she’s shown little frustration at all over anything, and absolutely none of it has been cumulative so far.

Turns out Dorian was there watching her the whole time, which again begs the question of how this World’s Best Assassin keeps letting people sneak up on her.  He mocks her hissy fit before offering to teach her how to play.  Naturally, he does the whole “let me just get all up on you to show you how to hold the pool cue” maneuver.  If it’s supposed to be cute, the book failed pretty hard, since Cally doesn’t like it and threatens to rip his eyes out. 

Flirty stuff like that is fun, but the actions themselves aren’t intrinsically fun.  The atmosphere and the mood have to be right, or else you’re just touching someone who wants you to back off.  If both parties aren’t into it, then the exact same words and actions become either pathetic or creepy.

They spend several hours playing billiards.  In her room.  Alone.  Presumably there are guards outside the room, because there’s always guards outside the room, and they are allowing their prince to be in there by himself.

They are terrible, terrible guards.

The two talk about a bunch of things in summary, then finally get on track talking about the murders.

“Do you think Xavier and the other Champion murders were intentional?”

“Perhaps. Does it make a difference?”

“No.” She lazily waved her hand in the air. “Never mind.”

What do you mean, no?  If three guys were killed in such a way by accident, I think that’s important to know, because you deal with accidents much differently than you deal with serial killers.

And who the fuck thinks these aren’t intentional?  If it’s not being done on purpose, then what on earth do they think is going on?  I get the feeling that was all just poorly worded, like it should have been “do you think the killer is intentionally targeting Champions” or “do you think all the ritualistic stuff was done genuinely or just for showmanship?”  And instead some words got forgotten and this is what we’re left with.

Cally falls asleep, but since we’re in Dorian’s POV, he stays up and stares at her creepily some more.

I have yet to see this done well in a book.  I know it can be.  I’m not saying that one person watching another sleep is ispo facto creepy.  But I can’t remember ever seeing it in a book I liked.  Weird. 

He wanted to know everything about her. He wished she’d just tell him.

You know what would help with that?  Asking.

Dorian does at least wake her up and make her go to bed instead of sleeping all night in a chair.

Barely opening her eyes, she stood and shuffled to the door. When she nearly walked into the doorpost, he decided that a guiding arm was needed before she broke something.

Book, just admit that you want her to be an average teenager.  That’s how you’re writing her.  Might as well own up to the fact that all you’re actually interested in is the ability to kick ass, not any of the habits, traits, consequences, or corollary skills that go with it.

The next day is another test.  Everyone gets paired up and has to spar, and whoever judged as the poorest gets eliminated.  Cally watches Cain spar with her customary desire to commit bloody murder for no reason.

Is there a version of this book where it turns out Cally is the great evil, and she turns Mr. Hyde at night to wander the halls and kill people?  Because the book is accidently foreshadowing for that, and now I really want it.

Some of the other boys tease her for existing, and when Nox stands up for her they insinuate that the two are sleeping together.  It’s actually some very realistic bullying, made all the more frustrating by the fact that there’s no comeback you make to get them to shut up.

Brullo comes in and tells them to knock it off, then sets Cally up with one of Cain’s lackeys.  Cally kicks his ass without using her weapon, and she does it in seconds, then she tells the bully that she’ll kill him if he mocks her again.  And this is the point at which most good depictions of bullying fall apart.  The same thing happened in Divergent, and it pissed me off there, too.  What makes bullying so frustrating and so damaging is that the victim can’t fight back.  They can get into fights, sure, but that’s not going to make the bully stop, and often as not it just makes things worse.  But these books will toss depictions of bullying in there just so that the main character can prance around, preaching a method that doesn’t work.  Much like the “I’m too cool be raped” subplot, the end result feels like “What do you mean you couldn’t beat your bullies into submission?  I did it to mine.  You must just not be cool enough.”

Bullying is a society wide problem and it requires society wide fixes.  It is not on the shoulders of a bully victim to fix the problem, because they can’t.  The only thing that will fix bullying is a change in the bully’s environment, which means it’s on the shoulders of all of us.  We have to collectively create a social atmosphere where bullying is not accepted and bullies are not rewarded. 

Later, in her room, Cally does what Cally does best: mope.

She had often wished for adventure, for old spells and wicked kings. But she hadn’t realized it would be like this—a fight for her freedom. And she’d always imagined that there’d be someone to help her—a loyal friend or a one-armed soldier or something. She hadn’t imagined she would be so … alone.

For fuck’s sake, really?  Book, you need to decide whether your main character is a swashbuckling assassin or a regular teenage girl who’s never done anything.  You really need to stop playing it both ways like this.

Like Celaena, no matter where Elena went, no matter how far, Terrasen would always own a part of her.

So how come we know literately jack-squat-nothing about the place?

After Cally mopes, we get a POV switch to Kate again!!!! 😀 😀 😀

Kate is watching an acrobatics act.  Even though she doesn’t like it, the queen does, and Kate is being polite and feigning interest.  Because Kate’s got some fucking manners, yo!

Kate thinks about how much she wants to be queen, which is why even though she could get Duke P to make her a duchess, she’s still holding out for Dorian.  That’s right, girl, aim for the stars!  Marrying up is the only way for a woman to change her station in such a setting (or at least I’m forced to presume so, since the book hasn’t told me otherwise), so it’s not like anyone has any right to look down on you for aiming for the best you can get out of life.  This girl has ambition, dedication, and a plan; I want her to be a heroine.

Sadly, Kate’s also got mysterious migraines.  They flair up while she’s chatting with the queen, trying to pretend like she’s closer to Dorian than she really is.  But Kat’s a fucking trooper and she doesn’t let on that her head is killing her.

Drinking Game Count:  Epithets – 2, Bragging – 2, Exclamation Marks – 4

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