Clary goes to visit the rest of the teens over at the Lightwood’s new house (aka, the “official Inquisitor’s house” since Robert got that job).  After a couple of false starts and lots of descriptions, they tell Clary what happened at the meeting after she ran off.  Apparently not much since “it was clear Sebastian was behind the attacks.”

Well then why did you feel the need to torture-question small children?  These Shadowhunters really are pretty useless.

…actually…they are.  They are entirely useless in this series.  What is it they’re supposed to do?  Keep order or some shit, right?  But what is it they end up doing in every single book?  They fuck the order they’re supposed to keep.  All of the conflict is internally generated, because people keep going rouge within their own order.  And then the “Downworlders” (i.e., people they supposedly police) have play the role of cavalry.  We don’t actually get to see them fighting anyone who isn’t associated with bad guys who came from within their own group.

Based purely on the events we get to see, if you just remove the Shadowhunters from the world, all of the problems disappear. 

But back to the conversation.  The Clave spent a lot of time talking about how to cure the people that Jonathan evil-fied, which gets Isabelle riled up because she has a ‘kill em all’ attitude.

“Don’t they understand what Sebastian did? He killed them. He killed what was human about them, and he left demons walking around in skin-suits that look like people we used to know, that’s all—”

I really don’t mind the fact that Isabelle has this attitude, because she’s pretty close to the situation and therefore justifiably emotional about it.  But would it kill the book to legitimately present the other side, instead of just off-handly mention that said discussion is happening?

I mean, we don’t have any proof of this, because we have no idea what Jonathan is actually doing.  The closest we got is that it works like the angelic cup in reverse, but if that’s true, then the angelic cup is pretty fucked up.  But still, no one is actually discussing this matter, so we don’t get to hear anything more than grand, sweeping, emotional statements.  We don’t get to hear anyone say “well, based on how this works, that probably works like so.”  We have no context for Isabelle’s emotional outburst, because all the book cares about are grand, sweeping, emotional statements that may or may not be true, but fuck you, facts are for losers.

Alright, enough of that, we switch over to Maia, Simon, and Jordan hanging out in his apartment.  They all talk about how Simon can’t get a job because of his vampireness.  (Although they fail to say why past saying he’ll look 16 forever.  He can pass himself off as young looking for a few years; it’s not like “16” is a hard-and-fast look.)

“I guess vampires don’t really have jobs, do they? I mean, some werewolves do—Bat’s a DJ, and Luke owns that bookstore. But vampires are all in clans. There aren’t really vampire scientists.”

…

… …

You gonna finish that thought, book, or just let it hang there?

No?  Nothing?

Come on, you can’t pull that sort of shit and then fail to tell me what they actually do instead of just what they don’t do.  How do they make money?  Do they need money?  Are they all thieves and squatters?  Surely there are a few things they need to buy.  Do a handful of older-looking vampires just support everyone?  What’s going on, and why do you consistently fail to think through even the tiniest little thing?

They talk idly about a lot of things for several pages, and then someone knocks on the door.  Simon assumes it’s their take-out dinner and goes to answer, but no, it’s someone come to kill them!  The necklace that Isabelle gave Simon warns him in time to duck.

Jordan yells at Simon to run, saying that he’s Simon’s bodyguard and therefore no Simon you can’t join the fight.  For…some odd reason, the bad guy just sort of stands there and lets them shout at each other for a while.  Simon agrees to flee and heads out the window, only to be kidnapped by vampires!  Oh, noes!  What will happen next!

Haha, if you thought you’d get to find out, you are clearly reading the wrong book series.  No, instead we randomly switch over to Clary and Jace walking back to Clary- Amatis’s house.  They talk about Emma as they go.

“She reminded you of you.”

“I don’t think so,” Clary said. “I think maybe she reminded me of you.”

Well now the book is just straight-up admitting that it’s copying its own characters.

Jace pulls her into an ally so they can spend a couple pages…um, standing really close without kissing.  But then fuck that waste of time, let’s kiss anyway!  Jace can’t touch her because of his magic-fire-ness, but apparently that only comes out through his hands, so canoodling is still an option.  Except their make-out session gets so hot he puts scorch marks on the wall by accident.

Oh, haha, hot sexy times gets ‘literally’ too hot, oh you so clever and original, book.

And then we randomly switch again.  Jonathan and the Seelie Queen are canoodling in bed.  Well, fair point to the book, I did not see that coming.

How come everyone in this book gets to have sex except the main characters?

Meliorn comes in and tells them…well, about the book so far.  I guess in case the audience wasn’t paying attention.

It’s nice to have some new information with the whole “buy guys are allied with the fairies” thing, but couching it in all that repetition makes it feel like a tiny thing, instead of having it be properly “a big thing.”  That’s what happens when a book talks about its own plot too much.  Everything feels stalled, even when it isn’t.  Things should be constantly moving forward, not one step forward and two steps back.

We do find out that the Institutes are not all evacuated, and Jonathan decides to attack London next to add to his ranks.

Back with Clary and Jace, as they talk angsty talk about his fire hands.  And then angsty talk about how the grownups are leaving them out the meetings, and that’s just so unfair, you guys!

Clary felt his annoyance—Jace was an excellent strategist

As evidenced by all the times he…um…tried to run off and do things on his own?

They make plans to go sword shopping the next day, and I am finally done with another chapter.

These chapters are so frikkin long, uhg.  I leave out a lot in these chapter reviews, but then again, it’s because most of what’s going on is just bullshit small talk.