Today we check in with the prisoners that Jonathan captured.  They’re doing normal prisoner things like yanking on chains and trying to look out windows.  Turns out Magnus is the only one chained to the floor, Jocelyn isn’t with them, and outside the windows all they can see is fog.

It turns out to be a completely useless aside, because we could guess pretty well already that they’re being held capture somewhere and need rescue.

Speaking of that rescue, the kids are all on the move, following Jace who did a “tracing rune,” because yeah that makes a lot of sense.  He drew it on his own hand.  Every other rune we’ve seen applied to the skin changes the bearer.  Healing heals you.  Strength makes you stronger.  Fearless makes you fearless.  Wouldn’t tracing make you traceable?

Sometimes there were plains of sticky, tarry pitch to cross, and their feet sank in almost to the ankles

I would just like to remind everyone that tar doesn’t start to soften until about 60C, or 140F, and it’s probably even higher than that if it’s viscous enough sink their shoes that deep while walking.  Also that “tarring and feathering” usually resulted in the victim having horrific third-degree burns all over their bodies, skin that would literally peel off, and in most cases, an unfortunate case of death.

In short, you probably don’t want to just prance across that stuff.

The runes they’ve been relying on for such magical endeavors as “walking” are fading faster than expected and I’m just

WHAT IS UP WITH THE MAGIC IN THIS PLACE?

Seriously?  You invented a magic system and all you can come up with on how to use it is “walk better”?  What the fuck is the point of that?  Until you started whinging about the runes fading, there was never any hint you were using them, so really, WHAT IS THE POINT?  They want so hard to be badass and magical, but in the end, this shit makes it look like they lazied out of boot camp and decided to use a cheat code instead. 

If you’re really so “badass” and “highly trained” then JUST FUCKING WALK.

Clary randomly decides to climb a rock, because the plot is being mired down in “walking is hard” and someone has to get us a change of scenery.  Simon follows her, and they see what they think are cave entrances in the distance.

“Kind of looks like something out of World of Warcraft, doesn’t it?”

Do you just not have any other references?

Which is especially egregious since I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen him play WoW in any book.  Not even once.  He just talks about it to remind everyone that he’s nerdy.  But he’s not really all that nerdy at all.

He’s A FUCKING ROCK BAND VAMPIRE.  A quiet and nice one who has the temperament of what Hollywood considers to be a nerd, but without any actual nerdy hobbies or qualities.  You’ve set up for breaking the mold, book, but instead you’re clinging to those stereotypes.  Whether they fit or not.  Logic be damned.

They all start to bicker, but thankfully a random flying demon swoops down and carts Jace off.  But Jace stabs it, Isabelle whips it, and Alec shoots it, so it doesn’t get very far.  Man, even the action is just a series of pointless interludes. 

They decide to take shelter in one of the caves, but they find a grate covering it a few feet from the entrance.  The gate is full of runes to protect against demons, but not a very good lock, so they manage to get behind it and feel protected.  Although I don’t know what they’ll do if any demons out there decide to do the whole “open a fucking door” trick.  This would work better if we knew what those runes were actually doing.  Are they like demon repellent, or do they burn on contact, or do they just stop demonic influences/magic from getting through, what?

They explore around a bit and find it’s a pretty snazzy place, all polished up and covered in runes.  And despite the fact that there’s a rune wielding enemy in this dimension, they don’t find this suspicious at all.

Hell, they don’t even blink at how “dramatically convenient” it is that they found a perfect safe house in the first place they looked.  Instead they just all split up and start exploring.  After much bantering about how “cool” they are for making up words.  (The book’s Buffy influences have never been clearer.  Except at least in Buffy when they added “ish” and “itude” to words, they didn’t act like they were special for it.)

We skip over to Maia, who is learning the tips of the Pack Leader trade from Bat, when the High Warlock of Los Angeles randomly comes in.  It’s to announce that Magnus is missing, but still, pretty random dude.  Why are you delivering the news and why to the werewolves?  Well, instead of answering these new questions, everyone sits around and talks about the plot for several pages.

Malcolm was idly wandering around the station, stopping to stare at things Maia thought of as everyday—a banister railing, a cracked tile in the wall, a pane of window glass—as if they were revelatory. […] Malcolm shook his head. “Carrier kittens. They’re so cute, no one can deny them. Fix your mouse problem, too.”

This new warlock guy is like a more eccentric, less wise attempt at Dumbledore-style humor, but it’s just too random and immature to really pull it off.

They all decide to meet up with the vampires and try to convince Downworlders in general not to side with Jonathan.  I’m rather underwhelmed, mostly because we know so few Downworlders to begin with and all of them are Shadowhunter fangirls/boys.  We keep getting told that the average monster is anti-monster hunter and this and that and the other, but heaven forbid we ever see a character who isn’t basically a groupie.