We finally arrive at Lienid, and Katsa gets her first glimps of the very pretty and perfect island where all the perfect people in this novel come from.  (Seriously, is Lienid supposed to be some mythical fairy land?) 

And the domes and turrets of the structure that rose above the others and sprawled across the skyline were, in fact, gold

STOP USING GOLD FOR EVERYTHING DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID THAT SHIT IS GOLD IS HEAVY AND SOFT IT IS NOT A BUILDING MATERIAL YOU DO NOT PUT IT ON YOUR BUILDINGS IT’S GOING TO FALL OFF AND GET TARNISHED AND LOOK STUPID AND HOW DO YOU HAVE THAT MUCH GOLD ANYWAY YOU’RE A FUCKING ISLAND WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THIS GOLD COMING FROM IS THE WHOLE PLACE JUST MADE OF GOLD JUST FUCK OFF WITH THE GOLD ALREADY FUCK!

While idly watching the very pretty land slide very prettily past on their way up the coast, Katsa and another sailor wonder why Leck is just so damn evil.

“I don’t know,” Katsa said, thinking of Randa and Murgon and the other kings and their senseless acts. “It seems to me that a fair number of people are happy to be as cruel as their power allows

So, does it ever occur to you that…maybe kings are a bad idea?

If people are willing to be as cruel as their power lets them, then the answer is to curb that power, not to shrug and say “whelp, I guess we’ll just have a vigilante group or something and hope the next generation has better moral fiber.”  I get that that’s not an easy thing to think up for someone raised in that system (or else we would have gotten rid of kings much sooner) but fuck even in the actual feudal system they had more checks and balances than this book seems to have, and also if you’re going to run up on that idea anyway, why not carry through?

Po had said his castle was small, more akin to a large house than a castle. But after seeing the way Ror’s castle filled the sky, Katsa wondered if Po’s scale of measure might differ from other people’s. Randa’s castle was large. Ror’s was gargantuan.

How big is this fucking island, anyway?  And if they have enough space to build ‘gargantuan’ castles and then more castles for all their many sons, why are they building on top of rocks?

And IDK much about architecture, but I don’t know if I’d trust a ‘gargantuan’ building built on top of a rock.  It can’t have much of a foundation…unless they put even more expense into digging one…

They get to Po’s…house and the sailors explain to her how to get from the dock to the house, saying that “There may be snow, but the path is kept clear in case the prince returns.”  Because, you know, that’s a great use of manpower and money, send someone out to clear the path every day just on the off-chance that that one guy who doesn’t contribute jack shit to the country might come walking by.

Why does everyone love Po so all fired much anyway?  They keep talking about how he’s so beloved by all his countrymen, but why?  He’s just a lazy layabout who fights people all day and wants to leave.  He doesn’t appear to have any interest in the welfare or activities of his subjects, and the only thing he cares about his home is that it’s there for him when he needs it, but he’ll spare it not a second thought the rest of the time.  Why does everyone love this guy?

They get to the house and they’re ushered inside immediately by a servant who says that the master of the house is already waiting for them.  Katsa runs along thinking it’s Po, but it’s Leck!

Leck starts talking and suddenly Katsa can’t string two thoughts together, and she forgets all manner of things that are outside the current conversation.  How does anything get done in that country if people are constantly stumbling around, forgetting their own name just because Leck said “good morning”?  Is this a symptom merely of initial exposure, perhaps?  We’ll never know, because this book doesn’t give a fuck.

But when I made inquiries, I learned that you weren’t welcome at your own court, Lady Katsa.

So not only did Leck have to wait for them to ‘fail to surface’ in his own country, but he also after that had to wait for a messenger to get to Middluns and back.  Then he had to sail over here, going slower than Katsa’s ship, unless he also had a graced sailor that can avoid winter storms.

How the fuck did Leck get here before them?  Earlier in the book they spend several paragraphs detailing how, while Leck would look here eventually, it would take some time and they could dig in, and now we find out that it should have taken even more time than they previous supposed.  Of course the book did that for the sake of setting up dramatic irony or whatever (I swear, you can tell what’s going to happen in some books by listening to what they emphatically insist will never happen) but you can’t set all that up and then upend it with a “lol, nope.”

There is much talking about stuff we already know, as Leck gets the story of their escape out of her and tries to convince her that Bitterblue is sick and should come stay with him.  Most of the wordcount is given over to Katsa being confused, but she vaguely distrusts Leck and won’t let go of Bitterblue.

Then they start talking about Po, since his family is there (why?) and wants to know about him.  Leck starts to tell everyone Po’s real grace (…perhaps trying to discredit him early in case he shows up later?), but he does it in such a smug and roundabout manner that Katsa has enough time to go “oh shit” and throw a dagger in his face.

Yes.

Really.

Katsa doesn’t remember that Leck is evil and she needs to kill him, nor does she even remember what Po’s grace is (why????????????) but all she knows is that Leck is going to spill a secret about Po AND HER FIRST REACTION TO THAT IS TO THROW A FUCKING DAGGER IN HIS FACE.

I…just…

Wasn’t the whole start of this book all about Katsa coming to terms with the fact that she’s not a violent monster?  And yet the culmination of the book is that she’s willing to straight-up murder (supposedly) innocent people just to make them shut up?

Fuck I hate this book.

After he’s dead, everyone starts to come out of their magic funk.  They spend several pages realizing what we already knew, and I’m not sure why we have to read about it.

“He spoke of altering our trade agreements! I’m sure of it!” Ror exclaimed. “In favor of Monsea!”

But wasn’t one of his defining features the fact that he didn’t give a fuck as long as he could be left alone to torture girls in peace?  Why the sudden interest in trade politics?

she left it to Bitterblue to tell their story, […] That Leck had desired to hurt the child in some eerie, horrible way

If you can’t handle sexual and child abuse DON’T INCLUDE IT IN YOUR STORY.

Yes, Leck was dead, and that was a good thing. But it was because she’d used a dagger – a dagger – to stop someone talking. It was as violent as anything she’d ever done for Randa. And she hadn’t even known what she was doing.

Well, at least you realize that. 

Oh.  Oh, that’s all the thoughts you’re going to have on the subject?  *sigh*  Fine, move on to talking about Po now, we all know he’s the real ‘important person’ in this novel.

They make plans to head back to Monsea immediately (thankfully remembering to pick up that ship they’d stranded along the way), and Po’s daddy king comes along with them, plus one of his brothers.  The king to help get Bitterblue established as queen, and the brother to help find Po.

…Wait.  If everyone now knows that Leck was magic, he’s pretty clearly not the legitimate ruler of Monsea.  Surely that adoption won’t stand up.  But Bitterblue is still held as the queen of the place?

Ror is naturally an awesome king, because didn’t you hear?  He’s Lienid and the Lienid can do no wrong because they are the fucking perfectest country in all of perfectdom.

Once they get to port, there’s a lot of dithering about explaining things to people and getting together horses and guards (since all the searching soldiers still are trying to kill Katsa and such), and basically it’s all just fucking padding and get on with things.

For some unfathomable reason, Bitterblue is going to collect Po instead of staying to see to her people.  Because, know you, she’s going to make just such a great queen, what with how she leaves them in a time of unrest and upheaval in order to hare off on a lark just because she happens to like this one guy.

On the one hand, she is 12 (or something), so of course she’s going to do childish things.  On the other hand, the book should stop trying to paint her as so awesome and mature.

They take too long to get there doing stupid shit that I don’t care and find Po and there, I’m done, only one more day of this book.  God, we’re at the end, people usually put all their padding in the middle, not shoving it into the last FIVE chapters.  What the fuck, book?