This review was originally written and posted in December 2013.

Does anyone remember M*A*S*H?  It was a wonderful old television show that ran for 11 years, (and yet was supposed to take place during the three years of the Korean War) and was so beloved that the final episode is still the most-watched series finale ever and was only surpassed in total viewers by the Super Bowl in 2010.  

I have decided that Mockingjay really wants to be M*A*S*H.  Both follow a war from the point of view of “support” personnel instead of front-line fighters.  Both attempt to use a mix of satire and heartbreakingly emotional scenes in order to criticize war.  Both engage in some eye-roll-worthy soapboxing.  Both are worthy of drinking games.  The difference being, of course, that M*A*S*H succeeded in actually getting some really intelligent points in around its liberal rhetoric and Mockingjay…well, Mockingjay has all the moral nuance of an episode of Sesame Street. 

So, you’ve been forewarned.  I’m going to be comparing everything to M*A*S*H.  Let’s get started.

The bricks of the chimney, which collapsed in a charred heap, provide a point of reference for the rest of the house. How else could I orient myself in this sea of gray?

Um…by all the other rubble?

You can’t seriously tell me that there is no rubble anywhere except for a pile of bricks.  House fires don’t actually burn hot enough to reduce everything to “fine ash,” they’ll reduce everything to burned rubble, which means there should be plenty of things that are recognizable as walls, beams, furniture, and anything not made of wood.  Hell, I bet that TV you guys had is still around and non-ashy.  Anything hot enough to reduce a television to ash is going to take care of those bricks, too.  They may not burn, but they’ll sure as hell crumble and dust.

A month ago, the Capitol’s firebombs obliterated the poor coal miners’ houses in the Seam, the shops in the town, even the Justice Building.

The mine full of extremely flammable coal, however, is apparently just fine.

The only area that escaped incineration was the Victor’s Village. I don’t know why exactly.

I’m more interested in how.  Bombs aren’t exactly precision instruments, so unless those houses are a few miles out from the rest of town, they should be damaged as well.  Plus, they’re not going to be doing so well even if they are undamaged, unless they’re on their own electric grid and have dedicated gas and water lines?  All the infrastructure keeping those mansions full of creature comforts has been firebombed to ash, so the houses can’t be anything more than physical shelters now.

The authorities in District 13 were against my coming back. They viewed it as a costly and pointless venture, given that at least a dozen invisible hovercraft are circling overhead for my protection and there’s no intelligence to be gained.

That’s not them viewing as pointless and costly, that really is pointless and costly.

I had to see it, though. So much so that I made it a condition of my cooperating with any of their plans.

Drink! \~/ Katniss getting shit she doesn’t need.

“Let her go. Better to waste a day than another month. Maybe a little tour of Twelve is just what she needs to convince her we’re on the same side.”

And again! \~/ Katniss hiding instead of helping.

This is hard because the effects of the concussion she gave me haven’t completely subsided and my thoughts still have a tendency to jumble together.

The first-person narration really bites this book in the ass when it comes to her “head trauma.”  Especially given the present tense.  Here we have Katniss explaining in perfectly clear, lucid terms how her thoughts are no longer clear and lucid.

Also, the drugs they use to control my pain and mood sometimes make me see things. I guess.

…then you’re on the wrong drugs.

Like.  Seriously.

Mood altering drugs will mess with your brain chemistry, adding a bit of this or suppressing a bit of that, depending on what you need.  So if your brain chemistry was already balanced and the drugs come in and add/suppress, that’ll fuck you up.  Pain pills can cause hallucinations, but it’s infrequent and almost always in extremely high doses, such what people take right after bone surgery.  Also, hallucinations are a severe negative side effect and when they happen the patient is almost always switched to a different kind of medication.  Katniss should be taking pain pills that strong for a concussion.

I’m still not entirely convinced that I was hallucinating the night the floor of my hospital room transformed into a carpet of writhing snakes.

…wow, you’re really stupid, then.

Hey, you want hallucinations?  MASH had some great ones, especially in the final episode.  Hawkeye gets put in a psych ward because he had a mental breakdown, and when the doctors try and talk to him about the event, he retells the story of that day.  Only every time he tells it, it’s a little different, a little darker, because he’s actually changed the memory in his mind from this horrific event into something happy his brain can handle.  It starts out as all his friends on a bus, going home from a fun day at the beach.  Then, each time he tells it, one thing changes, until he finally remembers what really happened. (Season 11, Episode 16 “Goodbye, Farewell, Amen”)

There was also the episode where a temporary doctor came in to help out.  He’d already been through some really tough shit, but he appeared to be dealing with it just the same as the other characters.  Then about halfway through operating on someone, he just snaps.  He wanders off.  When they finally find him, he’s crying, because he thinks his hands are covered in blood and he can’t get it to wash off.  He’s just seen too much blood and he can’t get it off his hands, even though his hands are perfectly clean. (Season 8, Episode 17 “Heal Thyself”)

Both those episodes used hallucinations to show a person reacting to their environment.  It showed the ways that the human brain contorts to try and protect itself, and it showed how war his so horrible that at times we can’t even process it.  Mockingjay uses hallucinations to…um…well… 

…show that District 13 doesn’t know how to administer medication properly?  She’s not even reacting to her hallucinations, she’s just blithely reporting it.

I use a technique one of the doctors suggested. I start with the simplest things I know to be true and work toward the more complicated. The list begins to roll in my head… .

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. I escaped. The Capitol hates me. Peeta was taken prisoner. He is thought to be dead. Most likely he is dead. It is probably best if he is dead… .

Really, that’s the simplest, most calming thing you can think of?  How about “my only living family is safe”?   This isn’t what a person would use to stay calm, this is what a book would use to recap the plot for us.

Oh, right.

The summer’s been scorching hot and dry as a bone. There’s been next to no rain to disturb the piles of ash left by the attack.

In that case, the forest should have caught fire, as well as those fancy victor mansions.  All it takes is a bit of floating debris to light everything on fire when it’s “dry as a bone.”

full of the remains of those who tried to flee. Some were incinerated entirely. But others, probably overcome with smoke, escaped the worst of the flames and now lie reeking in various states of decomposition, carrion for scavengers, blanketed by flies.

Apparently the capitol has magic firebombs which can reduce everything except bricks and human bodies to uniform ash.

Also, between the fire and the summer heat and the fact that it’s been a month, those bodies shouldn’t be “reeking.”  They should be either dried out jerky or picked over by all the apex predators that Katniss claims fill the woods around here.  I’d expect the packs of wild dogs to have been through, at least.

“Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, you have provided a spark that, left unattended, may grow to an inferno that destroys Panem.” It turns out he wasn’t exaggerating or simply trying to scare me. He was, perhaps, genuinely attempting to enlist my help.

There is no “perhaps” in there.  You can tell he was trying to get your help by the way he said “help me or I’ll kill everyone you love.”  There was exactly zero ambiguity in that meeting.  Now, you can say “perhaps” he really had the best interests of the nation at heart, but there should be no confusion over the fact that guy insisting you help him is asking for help.

Do you just not understand words, book?

The remaining eight hundred or so are refugees in District 13 — which, as far as I’m concerned, is the same thing as being homeless forever.

Yes, absolutely, having shelter, food, and medical care is exactly like being homeless forever.  Right.

It was Gale who thought of the Meadow, one of the few places not filled with old wooden homes embedded with coal dust.

Okay.  But.

Was the point of the bombs to knock down all the houses, or was the point to kill all the people?  Because I’m pretty sure that bomber planes with human pilots can say “hey, look at that conveniently massed group of people all right there.  I could drop a bomb right in the middle of them and kill them all.”

Then again, it would be in line with the capitol’s previous stupidity to prioritize knocking over rickety buildings before anything else.

Gale had two sets of bows and arrows, one hunting knife, one fishing net, and over eight hundred terrified people to feed. With the help of those who were able-bodied, they managed for three days.

Hey, you know what’ll kill you faster than hunger?

Shit.

Actual human feces, which there’s going to be a lot of with 800 people around and no one knowing how to set up a good latrine.  Dysentery will kill you like that, especially if you’re already in bad shape.  Gale doesn’t need bows and arrows, he needs shovels.

District 13, where there were more than enough clean, white living compartments, plenty of clothing, and three meals a day. The compartments had the disadvantage of being underground, the clothing was identical, and the food was relatively tasteless, but for the refugees of 12, these were minor considerations.

You fucking middle class brat.  YES OF COURSE THOSE ARE MINOR CONSIDERATIONS, WHO THE FUCK WOULD THINK OTHERWISE?  ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO CONVINCE US THAT THOSE THINGS ARE A BIG DEAL?  Katniss, do you think it’s worth pitching a fit that the food is “tasteless”?

Remember how you claim you used to be starving?

This enthusiasm was interpreted as kindness. But a man named Dalton, a District 10 refugee who’d made it to 13 on foot a few years ago, leaked the real motive to me. “They need you. Me. They need us all. Awhile back, there was some sort of pox epidemic that killed a bunch of them and left a lot more infertile. New breeding stock. That’s how they see us.”

…yes, and?  So?  Are you being treated as second class citizens?  Are they forcing you to breed new baby rebels?  Does the fact that they’re grateful to have the population boost in any way mean that food and shelter are not food and shelter?

My god, are you trying to tell me that all the help they’re getting is actually somehow evil just because the situation is mutually beneficial to all parties?

Her eyes are gray, […] The color of slush that you wish would melt away.

Starting early with the comments on a woman’s appearance, I see. Let me guess: she’s going to be evil?

It’s really, disgustingly sad when the first hint that a woman is going to be evil is not her words or actions, but her appearance.

I must now become the actual leader, the face, the voice, the embodiment of the revolution. The person who the districts — most of which are now openly at war with the Capitol — can count on to blaze the path to victory.

On the one hand, I can appreciate the value of Katniss as a figurehead. (Note: “figurehead” not “leader”)  She would be in a good position to be an icon of the rebellion, a good PR piece.  I really can.  On the other hand, well…she’s not the only option.  Also, you’ve got pictures of her and footage of her from before.  If you want to slap her face on shit, you can still do that without having to send a dozen planes as escort on her pity party.

Just because she could be a good symbol doesn’t mean she’s inherently vital.

Back to M*A*S*H.  The 0477 gets a number of famous visitors, as USO tours through units were common for the sake of lifting morale.  Also, several episodes dealt with war heroes, people who had become famous for their acts of bravery and caused a big stir when they came through.  Note: THERE’S MORE THAN ONE OF EACH EXAMPLE, BECAUSE DUH. 

One such war hero was “Sgt. Michael Yee,” a Chinese-American soldier who’d been through some truly hellish shit and had been injured numerous times.  Also, he’s still fighting.  He’s not being dressed up and marched around.  And in fact, the crux of the episode is finding out that Yee has some self-destructive tendencies and he’s basically using combat as the worst kind of way to deal with that.  It shows that the symbols of war that we look up to are still very fragile and human.  It raises some interesting issues as the members of the 4077 talk about how they never would have known any of this about him, blinded as they were by the “heroic” stories about him. (Season 8, Episode 21 “Goodbye, Cruel World)

But I think my favorite example is when a world-famous boxer “Gentlemen Joe” Cavanaugh comes through on a publicity tour, “to raise the spirits of the troops.”  And Father Mulcahy has been looking up to Gentleman Joe since childhood, so he’s quite the fanboy about it.  But then Joe gets sick and actually dies while at their hospital.  It’s shown during the episode that Joe is actually kind of a little shit, and his public persona is just that: a show.  But the scene where Mulcahy talks to the comatose Joe about all the reasons he looked up to the man, and all the ways Joe has shaped who he is, really provide a bittersweet moment showing how our icons and heroes can be so much more than their own personal failings, and how someone doesn’t have to be perfect in order to be someone to look up to.  Also, Hawkeye accidently becomes a media darling, which annoys everyone, Hawkeye included.  (Season 10, Episode 19 “Heroes” )

So having a story about the people who get shoved into a role of being icons and heroes is not impossible, not by a long shot.  But…yeah, Katniss isn’t it.

They have a whole team of people to make me over, dress me, write my speeches, orchestrate my appearances — as if that doesn’t sound horribly familiar

Drink! \~/ Take your pick for the reason: propaganda masturbation or D13=capitol.

Sometimes I listen to them and sometimes I just watch the perfect line of Coin’s hair and try to decide if it’s a wig.

Because as we all know, wigs are fake, and fake is evil.

The doctors say it’s from the electrical shock he received in the arena, but I know it’s a lot more complicated than that. I know that Finnick can’t focus on anything in 13 because he’s trying so hard to see what’s happening in the Capitol to Annie, the mad girl from his district who’s the only person on earth he loves.

…sweetie, there’s a reason you’re not a doctor and this is it.

Despite serious reservations, I had to forgive Finnick for his role in the conspiracy that landed me here. He, at least, has some idea of what I’m going through.

But those other people who are actually fighting the war and losing friends and loved ones all the time, psh, fuck em.  They can’t possibly understand!

To become the Mockingjay … could any good I do possibly outweigh the damage?

I actually don’t have any problem with Katniss thinking she’s killed basically everyone so far.  She’s wrong, because those people were acting of their own volition and she actually did very little to prompt them.  But she’s been through a lot and survivors guilt is weird that way.

But if she’s got therapists like she mentioned before, shouldn’t they be going over this?

Thousands of people are dead, but he has survived and even looks well fed. On what?

How about the thousands of dead people?

Not to be macabre, but seriously, if you have cats and you die at home, they will eat you.

I pick him up, stroking his fur, then go to the closet and dig out my game bag and unceremoniously stuff him in.

Somehow, Buttercup does not scratch her to ribbons for this.

Then, inexplicably, my palms begin to sweat. A strange sensation creeps up the back of my neck. I whip around to face the room and find it empty. […]When I begin to gag at the stench, I back away and clear out.

…so the “stench” of the rose was heavy enough to actively gag you, but you didn’t notice it when you walked in?  Instead you “inexplicably” got nervous?

Was there an editor at all for this?

But perhaps the rose didn’t seem noteworthy to them. Only to me.

A fresh rose that smells that strong in an abandoned house would be noteworthy. 

On the lawn, I frantically signal to the hovercraft while Buttercup thrashes. I jab him with my elbow, but this only infuriates him.

NO, WHAT THIS DOES IS FRIGHTEN HIM.  HE’S A CAT AND YOU STUFFED HIM IN A BAG AND THEN HIT HIM.  HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON, HE JUST KNOWS HE CAN’T SEE OR MOVE AND SOMETHING IS HITTING HIM, HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT THIS IS NOT OKAY?

Like I either imagined it, which is quite possible, or I’m overreacting, which will buy me a trip back to the drug-induced dreamland I’m trying so hard to escape.

Okay, but if you tell them, they can go and look at it, so it’d be pretty easy to say she didn’t imagine it.  Also, she got a bit scared and then left the house at a reasonable pace and said she’s done now.  How is that overreacting?  What would they consider an “appropriate” reaction?  Taking it home with her?

Why the fuck would you drug someone for calmly saying “I sorta don’t like that”?

Also, if someone is coming in here to leave roses on the off-chance that they’ll scare Katniss, yes, that’s noteworthy to more people than just her.

Good lord, I’m wordy.  Well, it’s the first chapter.  There’s always more to talk about in the first chapter, because these books do not do “set up” very well.  I promise not to be so long-winded for the rest.

Episode of M*A*S*H you should watch instead: The Billfold Syndrome.