The Underground simmers with energy tonight

I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.  It’s a bit of a random thing to be stuck on given all the fail going on in this book, but there you have it.  Every time this failcookie says “The Underground” I imagine something super-cheesy out of a late-90s cartoon.

And the fact that it’s capitalized like a proper noun and yet the exact same name in every city is not helping things.

I’ve quit looking for Nora among the crowd, somehow fearing the sight of me has encouraged her to go into hiding. I’m determined to make her come out, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it yet. But I’m definitely plotting.

Translation: “I introduced that plot too early, here’s a reminder that it exists until I’m ready to actually engage with it.”

I realize there’s no one that fights like he does. Remy fights like he loves it. He has a blast up on the ring

Those other guys, though, not them.  That’s…why they went into boxing…

I feel that he’s proving something to this city, where he was born. I feel like he’s telling his parents with every punch that they were wrong.

Yes, I will prove that you were wrong about me being too violent to handle by punching people a maybe-maybe-not illegal boxing tournament!  That will show you!

This whole subplot with her hating on the parents is making super uncomfortable.  She barely knows anything about the situation, and the little she does know sounds perfectly reasonable.  (Well, I mean, still a rock and a hard place kind of situation, but no one was acting maliciously and everything we know is consistent with Remy’s…personality.)  However, she’s perfectly willing to treat it like his parents abused him without bothering to learn anything else.  And even going by that reckoning, the whole revenge tone…that’s what you say to someone who mocked your dreams, not someone who abused you.  “You abandoned me and left me emotionally (and maybe physically, damn unclear writing) for life?  WELL, I’LL SHOW YOU, I’LL BE GOOD AT SOMETHING, HAHA.”

Oh, hey, guess what, they eyeball fuck from across the room and Brooke gushes liquid, is anyone surprised, nope, moving on.

Remy gets a bunch of people from the audience to give her roses, which is admittedly a nice touch after his fans were screaming at her in a previous chapter.  For…some reason, this makes Brooke mad, because she still totally wants to fuck him but…can’t?

Offer me the job of my dreams, and then become the center of my very existence, until I’m ready to risk everything for him. Even my job. My family. My friends. The city where I grew up.

…

……

………

I got nothing.

Does she think her hometown will spontaneously explode if she screws the guy?

‘Cause that would be kind of cool.

Well, except for the melodramatic phrasing, I can actually really get behind her anger here.  She’s all wound up and emotional, and he’s drawing her along without committing in any way.  She can’t get over him while he’s still dolling out the little nibbles of affection, so she’s stuck in limbo.  That’d be pretty frustrating. 

Brooke finally gets upset enough to barge into his shower and pitch a fit and demand to be sexed.  Remy thinks she’s just after an ‘adventure’ because that’s what he’s used to being for women, and he wants something realer than that.  …sweet, I usually see the female saying that, it’s nice to have it flipped around. 

I mean, a lot of romances will have the rake suddenly realizing he wants a relationship, but more commonly he pursues the lady as a fling and then kind of trips into serious.  I rarely see works that admit that a guy can find casual sex inferior to committed sex.

The book is a hot mess of nonsense, but buried in it are some pretty nice concepts, things that could make the book rather unique if they were, you know, not buried under all the lack of research and gushing and misappropriated mental illness myths.

During the course of this argument, Remy does out and out admit that he’s bipolar.  He also says that he’s worried that he’ll hurt her in a violent fit, because he counts on his staff to ‘manage’ him, and if they screw up she’d be the one paying for it.

I get it. Remy both loves and hates himself. He loves and hates his life. One second it’s all good, the next it’s all bad.

So…I don’t actually know a lot about bipolar except what I’ve looked up online, and two things jump out at me.

First, both manic and depressive periods have to be extended to count as a bipolar symptom.  Rapid mood swings aren’t a sign of bipolar disorder.

Second, Remy has not yet displayed a depressed state.  He’s been pure manic.  “Violent” is not the antithesis of “feeling good.”  Manic symptoms include being irritable, being easily distracted, being reckless, and sleeping less.  The idea that he’s “bipolar” because he can jump from rocking along at a party to throwing shit around is completely off-base because those aren’t two different states.  Those are two expressions of the same state.

It could be that he’s bipolar and we’ve only seen him manic so far, but I don’t have that much faith in this book.

For instance, she finds this out and still doesn’t consider that maybe his parents didn’t institutionalize him for shits and giggles.

Remy also mentions that he’s intentionally refusing medication because of the negative side effects.  Which I am reporting without comment because it’s a sticky issue when it comes to putting other people at risk but

I refused to take anti-depressants when I supposedly, clinically, needed them after my fall. I believe it is your choice how you live with your sickness, and sometimes the remedy is worse than the disease. He’s a man who eats so right, and any chemical can unbalance him.

Dafuq is that?

First of all, that ‘supposedly’ is really sticking my craw, it comes off as a knock on medication in general.  It’s just got a smarmy feel to it.  Second…is she saying that if Remy ate junk food, his medication wouldn’t ‘unbalance’ him?

Brooke assures him that she wants to fuck him anyway, and there’s an overwhelming sense of ‘aw, no one’s ever accepted him, poor bb.’  As if bipolar is caused by rejection?

“Give me a goddamned guarantee. I won’t let you fucking leave me, and you’re going to want to try. I’m going to be difficult and I’m going to be an ass, and sooner or later, you’re going to have fucking enough of me.”

Uh, that’s a different issue and also one you should run away from really, really fast.  Like, just, there is no good part of “I’m going treat you like shit but I want you to be obligated to stay with me anyway.”

But, Brooke’s brain is off on holiday at the moment, so instead they have sex.

I’m torn between ABOUT FUCKING TIME and IS NOW REALLY THE BEST TIME.

I feel like a bunch of organs struggling to come into one.

o.O

I eagerly push my breasts to his chest and anxiously rub my pained nipples against his diaphragm

O.o

Tremors of anticipation ripple in my womb.

But, really, it’s just a really long sex scene, do you want a blow by blow?  I’m going to assume you said no and continue just pulling out random funny-weird lines.

His hardness […] my slick wetness

Because we can say womb, but not vagina.  Or penis.

He fucks his cock into me

Asdlkfjsdlkfjsa make up your mind!

my sex […]my sheath

Hm, so, got halfway there with the cock, but she still can’t describe her own vagina.

To be fair, vagina and penis are rather awkward words.  I like cock and cunt much better.  More casual.  ‘Sheath,’ though.  Let’s just all agree to stop with that, shall we?  Because if you can call a dick a dick, you shouldn’t have to be oblique about pussies.

This isn’t about foreplay.

I should hope not; you passed that point about two orgasms ago.

I love that he rubbed his scent on me

THERE IS TOO MUCH SMELLING GOING ON IN THIS BOOK AND I’M JUST ALKSDJFLSDY.

“It means I’m going French this week and not showering so I can smell you on me.”

First of all, the French don’t need that from you.

Second, eeeeeeeew.

Third, if you don’t shower for a week I’m pretty sure that means you don’t get any new sexing for a week. 

my sex creams up hotly

I had to read that and now so do you.

This sex scene goes on and on and on.  It’s as ridiculous as one of his fights.  Only instead of taking out ten dudes in a row, it’s getting hard again ten seconds.  But at long last they calm down and have a tepid conversation about his ‘episodes’ in which he says he doesn’t remember much that goes on during them so she’ll have to ask Pete.

So the next day she does go to talk to Pete, and Pete says he found out about Remy’s bipolar because he used to be a nurse at the ‘ward’ where Remy was…treated? Incarcerated?  ‘Ward’ isn’t exactly a definitive term.

“He’s a good dude. A little reckless but it’s Not. His. Fault!

…um, and all the other kids in there…are at fault for their illnesses?

You’re a really shitty nurse, Pete.

They had him all drugged ever since one time he got speedy and told everyone they should escape. They all followed, and there was a big mess, and from then on, no one would even give him a chance to get speedy again, they just kept shooting shit up his veins and sparing themselves the trouble.”

You’re a really, really shitty nurse, Pete.

See, if he’s in a mental institution, then so are all those other kids.  This isn’t some schoolyard prank we’re talking about.  Riling up kids that are in delicate conditions to begin with can do some actual damage when it comes to progressing through therapies.

Pete also says that he spent all his time working out, so no doubt the people got one look at this enormously strong dude who is just getting stronger and went “it was a ‘escape attempt’ this time, next time it could be a riot.  We don’t need anything putting these other kids in (more) danger.”

Also, YES, HE’S SICK AND DRUG THERAPIES FOR BIPOLAR DISORDER EXIST, WHEN PEOPLE ARE SICK YOU GIVE THEM MEDICATION, YOU ARE A FUCKING NURSE, HOW DOES THIS ESCAPE YOUR ATTENTION YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.  REMY IS NOT THE CENTER OF THE GOD DAMN FUCKING UNIVERSE AND THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF THAT ‘WARD’ HAD OTHER PATIENTS TO CONSIDER AND DRUG THERAPIES ARE NOT THE DEVIL, SERIOUSLY, I BET THEY’RE GLAD YOU QUIT AND TOOK YOUR HIPPIE SHIT ATTITUDE WITH YOU STUPID PILE OF DICKCHEESE.

And use clinical terms, asswipe.  “Speedy” is nonspecific and makes it sound like he’s just hyper, not suffering from a manic episode.  It’s just another way to downplay his condition and treat it as less serious than it really is.

I get that drugs have side effects and a person could very well decide not to take them and deal with the consequences of that, but when one of those consequences is “violently breaks glass all over the place” and that person lives in close proximity with other people who are also mentally ill and need a stable environment in order to get better, then that is fucking unacceptable.  You do not get to treat that facility like the spawn of satan just because they were protecting the other patients from A GUY THAT WE ALREADY KNOW IS DANGEROUSLY VIOLENT.

Pete’s rage is so laksjfdsadfljs I just want to punch him every time he opens his stupid smarmy fuckface.

Remy’s not crazy, Brooke,” Pete emphasizes, “but they treated him like he was.

Asldkfjasldkfjasdfjlsakdjflaskdjf;laksdjf I HATE YOU PETE.

I HATE YOU AND WANT YOU TO DIE.

I wouldn’t mind this if he was trying to, like, destigmatize the word ‘crazy’ or emphasize that he’s sick, or that he has a specific condition and not a jumble of unpredictable mess, or he’s not “Hollywood” crazy, but no.  Pete’s got none of that.  Instead “not crazy” is all he offers up, and he does it with a “aw, he just needs some love” attitude and I WANT TO PUNCH HIS STUPID FACE.

And the worst part is that Brooke responds in kind, and she’s all “aww, I’m just melting with pity for the guy” and I WANT TO PUNCH ALL THE THINGS.

Because this attitude is NOT HELPFUL.  At all.  I wouldn’t say it’s the last thing the mentally ill need, but it’s a good second or third on the list.  “Oh, baby, you don’t need professional care, structure, therapy, or medication, nor do I need to become educated on the things that are actually going to help your specific condition.  Nope, ALL YOU NEED IS MY LOVE and then you can go back to the lifestyle that is very probably triggering you.”

NOT HELPFUL.

We have cocky, confident Remy, and black Remy. Black Remy still has a good heart, but he’s not reasonable. He’s not mean and certainly not evil. But he’s unpredictable and violent, and tends to destroy things, even himself.

So, yup, Pete is officially a terrible nurse.  He can’t even tell the difference between manic and depressive.

This time you saw his low, it wasn’t nearly as bad as his other lows. Somehow Riley and I felt maybe it was because you kept him interested. He seemed to want to see you and kept coming out at least for that.

And we officially have a ‘healed by love’ statement, too.

“I want him badly too,” I tell Pete, patting his shoulder. “So much I might shoot some shit up your veins if you keep shooting him up with that, you know?”

Pete spends several pages telling her all about how Remy does really bad shit when he’s manic and then doesn’t remember it later, and that Remy is legitimately scared of what he’s capable of when manic, and we’ve been told before that Remy approves being sedated so that he’s less likely to physically injure people when he can’t control himself…and yet Brooke persists in treated sedatives like they’re crack cocaine.

After all that bullshit, she goes to wake up Remy and they have what is honestly a cute little morning scene together.  I think these little flashes of decent make me hate the book more, because I’m flailing around going “why couldn’t you be like that all the time!”

And then the chapter ends with more sex.

This was a really fucking long chapter of fucking.  Is this revenge for the last chapter only being a few pages?