We timeskip to their next tour stop in Chicago, where Brooke and Pete are meeting Melanie at the airport, because she’s joining them for a vacation.  Brooke casually mentions that way back several chapters ago, she saw her sister, because…I honestly have no idea why she didn’t mention this sooner.  Brain fried on lust, perhaps?  Pete explains to her that Remy already knows and is taking care of it, begging the question of what point Brooke is supposed to serve in this plot.

And also “conveniently” removing any consequences for Brooke’s inaction so far.  All she’s had to do is…exist prettily, and the guys are taking care of all her troubles for her.

Well, then, now you must agree with me it’s best if we left Remy out of this mess? I don’t want him to even be tempted to talk to Scorpion himself and I certainly don’t want him to pay for my sister. She’s a free woman! She should leave on her own. Pete, I’m sure if I could only talk to my sister, I’m bound to be able to reason with her.

You know what’s completely absent from this book?

A CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH HER SISTER. 

All Brooke knows is that Nora was ‘supposedly’ in Australia, then saw her looking sick and sporting a Scorpion tattoo, and then…total radio silence on the matter.  Is Nora a free woman?  Has she been kidnapped?  Is she in debt to Scorpion?  Being blackmailed?  Is she his personal ‘plaything’ or working for him?  Is she even with him?  Maybe she’s a fangirl of that guy like Brooke is for Remy.  We don’t actually know what’s going on here, but the book and all the characters blithely carry on as if we do.

She wants Pete to help her set up a meeting with Nora and keep it secret from Remy, on account Remy’s tendency to blow a gasket over everything.

“Nothing will go wrong. I’ve taken more self-defense classes than I know what to do with. The only guy I haven’t been able to knock down is Remy.”

I hate you so much, book.

“You’re funny, Pedro.”

???

I don’t have blood brothers … my soul brother is Rem.”

I’m thinking how sweet Pete is to think of Rem as a soul brother, and if Rem is my soul mate, then Pete is my soul brother-in-law

“Oh, Pete, call her Melanie, Melanie, call him Pedro.

No, really, where the fuck did this come from?

There is much inane chatter and tween-sounding sex talk between Melanie and Brooke.  I mean…

she produces a huge packet of condoms—extra-large and ribbed for her pleasure

[…]

Tell me everything about you and that sex god!”

[…]

“Horny. Horrrny. Hornyyy. You can’t even say his name without looking hornaay.

On the one hand, I can see an adult acting like that.  On the other hand, when I say that, I mean “I can imagine an adult acting like a silly teenager, we’ve all got those moments.”  It doesn’t make the act any more mature, and this book is just a non-stop parade of not taking things seriously to begin with.  This really only works when the adults are just goofing off but still capable of being serious when the situation calls for it.

And while I’m generally in favor of the idea that people can have sex at whatever age they feel ready for it, I stand by one assumption: If you are incapable of talking about sex with a straight face, you’re not ready to perform it.  This book, by acting more teen than most teenagers, feels less ready for sex than your average highschooler.

How do emotions work with Remington? Can you love and unlove someone with your different mood personalities?

Of course, through this whole conversation about how Brooke is soooo in love and Remy sooooo loves her back, all they mention is attraction and lust.  Even when Remy himself shows up…it’s just more of them same. 

“It could be anything,” I counter ,while inside me, I can’t help but hope like crazy. “It could be lust. Obsession?”

“It’s love, you fool.

Shut up, Mel.  Brooke has few enough rational moments; they need to be encouraged, not slapped down!

And then there’s shower sex.  Oddly enough, it’s not that bad.  There’s a marked decrease in purple prose and organ-shattering sensations, so…yeah, sorta hot.  I mean, the book’s at a disadvantage since I’m going in annoyed, but if I’d started with this scene, I would find it sexy and just a little bit amusing.

Then again, I find most smut a little bit amusing, whether the author intended it or not.  But I like being amused, so it’s all good.

I’ll never be on with ‘sheath’ or ‘channel,’ though.

Electricity frissons down my spine when he slides his tongue into my ear, gently fucking me with it.

And that.  That’s just weird.

all his manly, possessive lion-like OCD things with me.

You’ve jacked over one mental illness already, book.  Leave OCD alone.

God, I love how he calls his semen “him.”

I love everything this guy does!

The little bit of enjoyment I had from the smut is being murdered during cuddling. 

Brooke mentions she thinks he gets his millions of dollars from endorsement deals because he looks so sexy in advertisements.  Which…really, given the secondary nature of this league (either armature or illegal, THE BOOK STILL WON’T SAY), I can’t imagine anyone is hiring him for his name/brand-appeal over his looks.  That basically means Remy is getting his money from being a male model, not a fighter.

Halleluiah, something that makes sense!

He reaches into his laptop carry case, which is on the nightstand, and retrieves a syringe with a clear liquid. He hands it to me with the cap on.

Wincing, I ease away from it like he’s going to use it on my butt. “No, Remy, don’t ask me this.”

“It’s just to make sure I don’t hurt you.”

“You’d never hurt me.”

IF A GUY SAYS HE IS GOING TO HURT YOU, THEN LISTEN TO HIM.

FUCKING LISTEN TO HIM.

HE’S EITHER THREATENING YOU OR WARNING YOU AND EITHER WAY THAT’S SHIT YOU SHOULD NOT IGNORE.

EVER.

Good fucking god, here’s a man who has lived with his condition since he was 13 and has hurt dozens of people in the past.  I think he fucking well knows what he’s capable of.  Brooke, on the other hand, HASN’T EVEN DONE A FUCKING GOOGLE SEARCH SINCE LEARNING ABOUT HIS DIAGNOSIS.

At the very least, just agree with him.  If you really believe it won’t be needed, then no harm done, and it’ll put his mind at ease.

Instead Brooke snuggles him into calming down, because that DOES NOT FUCKING HELP ANYTHING I HATE THIS BOOK I WANT TO LIGHT IT ON FIRE.

I mean, there’s “book burning,” and then there’s “burning this book just because I need a way to physically express my anger at it.”

The chapter ends at the next fight, where Mel and Brooke find Nora because…why the fuck is Nora at all these fights?  She’s supposed to be following Scorpion around, and Remy and Scorpion aren’t supposed to fight until the last round.  The fuck is going on?  Is everyone in this tournament all traveling to the same places at the same time and just putting on shows like a fucking carnival?  I’m so confused.

Anyway, Mel sneaks a note to Nora because apparently Nora has bodyguards (???) and then we promptly forget all about Nora because Remy comes up on stage and Brooke has to give us two fucking pages about how she’s still horny for him.  Two fucking pages, and that doesn’t include when the actual fight starts and we get subjected to everyone in the crowd shouting about how fuckable the man is.

Nora got a page and a half, by the way.

Top notch priorities, book.

Hm, reading all this smut has made me dig up some of my own attempts at writing sex.  Should I share and see how they hold up?  (Yes, I’m blatantly fishing for compliments.)