Noah and Mara finally reach their destination, which turns out to be a fabulously opulent and wealthy home. Much is made of how fabulously extravagant everything is, though all without much in the way of details unless you count a grand total of two Greek statues. Mostly they just talk about how it’s so fabulously wealthy and extravagant.

You know what? I’d like to see some variety in “fabulously wealthy and extravagant.” I’ve been in a few of those homes. Granted, a good number of those were during a Christmas walking home tour, but they were still all different. My favorite was owned by a guy who literally had a museum in his house. He employed a curator solely for the objects d’art in his home and held private tours for school groups. His home was fabulously wealthy and opulent, but it had character because of his particular tastes when it came to the things he collected. (A lot of really eclectic stuff, like paintings done by Hilter back when he was still trying to get into art school.) I was in another where everything was in a Spanish theme, and another that was done by a student of Frank Lloyd Wright (who apparently just copied his teacher’s style to the letter). There are options here, people!

I’m not saying that all wealthy homes have to be quirky, but occasionally showing a little personality to break up the monotony would be nice.

Turns out this is Noah’s house.

They play with some dogs, both of which are scared/nervous around Mara. Considering one just recently was rescued from abuse (Mabel) and the other is meeting Mara for the first time (and no comment is made on her demeanor to other guests), I’m not really impressed. But Mara’s narration leads me to believe this is supposed to be suspicious.

Mara berates Noah for not pointing out that he’s fabulously wealthy.

“You are a lying liar who lies.”

“Oh?”

I looked around us, at the towering ceiling and sweeping balconies. “You kept all of this a secret.”

“No, I didn’t. You just never asked.”

Um, bullshit, she repeatedly asked where you were going and you kept saying “a friend’s house.” I guess technically you could call your parents friends, but I think that still counts as withholding the full truth in the face of a direct query.

They head up to Noah’s room to get some keys he forgot, and along the way Mara blatantly ogles his hotness. They also run across Noah’s sister, who turns out to be the pretty girl from the party.

That was…really fucking pointless. I mean, okay, the whole “mistook a platonic relationship for a romantic one” is trite enough, but at least a story will get more mileage out of it. Turn it into an actual subplot. Do something. Instead, all that served was to make Mara go home from a party she didn’t even enjoy, and then have it explained away at the first opportunity. It didn’t even serve to make her avoid him more, or put a road block in any budding relationship. It was a pure waste of words.

Mara makes another half-assed effort to convince us that there isn’t going to be a romance here by pointing out that Noah is still a douchecanoe of the highest order, then follows him into his bedroom.

Noah’s room is utilitarian-bare, expect for mounds and mounds of books. Of course. I’m shocked, really.

There’s random innuendos, Mara being distracted by his physical looks again, and then talk about how his father owns a biotech company and his mother is really his step-mother.

The revelation knocked me out of my thoughts. And made me feel like a jackass, after picking not one but two unpleasant topics of conversation.

Please, book, please stop vilifying Mara for perfectly normal things. He sprung a bunch of shit on her with no warning; it’s not her fault that she asked about his father (who he has a poor relationship with) after all that. And by the way, Noah volunteered the information about his mom/stepmom/dead-bio-mom. Being uncomfortable is one thing, but why should she feel guilty that Noah just outright said “yeah, my mom died when I was five btw.”

Noah then voluntarily elaborates on his parents whole history, which is honestly pretty bland. Rebellious young kids in college, old-money parents of one party didn’t like the other party, step-mom was a friend of both of them, how many times have I heard this story before?

“I don’t think so,” I said instead. “I think it’s brave. There’s so much stuff you could buy with that much money. Not taking it is—it’s pretty moral.”

…

… …

What?

Okay, maybe if you were avoiding buying this as a conscientious objector or something, but from all appearances Noah doesn’t have any problem with his family’s money and he’s dressing sloppily for aesthetic purposes. That’s not moral; that’s being a teenager. It’s not like his cheep clothes are even helping anyone. He doesn’t donate his clothing and car allowance so far as we know, he doesn’t protest his parents’ spending habits, he doesn’t…he doesn’t do anything. Not doing anything doesn’t make a character “moral,” it makes them a useless scrap of bland cardboard.

There is more pointless chatter about blah blah blah and then Noah mentions he’s going to get a trust fund when he turns 18.

“What do you think you’ll do with the money?”

Noah flashed a grin. “Convert it to gold coins and swim in it. But first,” he said, taking my hand, “lunch.”

Wow. Yeah. You can just feel the morality here, can’t you?

So, that’s two whole chapters devoted to expanding Noah’s personality and what did we learn about him? …well, besides his personal finances and a bunch of widow-dressing details, not a whole lot. Nothing about this section explains his personality (more than we already knew, anyway) or excuses his bad habits or reveals anything personal. If I told you that some random character I’ve got likes classic cars and chocolate pudding, what do you really know about him? About his personality and his morals? Can you tell me which way he’s going to jump in a crisis? Can you tell me if he’s going to be a good friend? Do they tell you anything to explain his mysterious behavior, or illuminate his motivations for being in the plot?

Yeah, those details do help to round out a character and they do have a place in the narrative, but if you’re going to spend two whole chapters on info dumping about a character, maybe it should be more than the shallowest of details? Or at least show us something we don’t already know?

There were two things of relevance in all of this: he saw his mom die and he has a shitty relationship with his dad. They go towards explaining his attitude, I’ll grant you that. But the delivery was terrible, both those things were told very quickly compared to how much time we spent on other bullshit, and “poor little rich boy doesn’t like his daddy and is rebelling against him” is clichéd as hell. That’s stuff that deserves to be told, but it was so clunky that I kind of forgot it was even in there until I started ranting here at the end, and mostly all I took away was “two fucking chapters of minutia about Noah, uhg.” Something that heavy should not be buried so thoroughly.

There was no reason to hide his finances before this point. We could have known that about him from the get-go, and that would have made going to his house less “ooooOOOooOOOoo, reveal!” and then we could have focused on what was important. Same for the sister thing. We go to his house to get the keys that he left there, see his room and learn he likes to read, and that’s a fine “window dressing detail.” Have his dad home. Have a scene where they are cold to each other before he leaves. I’m not sure how you’d work in the dead mother thing, but for all I know it’s not important right now anyway. There. It’s still pretty clichéd, but at least it flows smoother and there’s not so much a sense that we’re just dumping Noah details on someone all in a lump. All the details are in context, and there’s fewer of them so it feels more like a progression instead of a checklist.