And now everyone on a New Year’s ski trip because why not.

The palace’s PR office had long ago struck a bargain with the various media outlets: the royal family would conduct an interview at the start of their annual trip to Telluride, in exchange for complete privacy thereafter.

What kind of weird noodly alternate universe are we living in, because frankly I think this is even weirder than the base concept of American monarchy.

Anyway, Nina and Jeff are still dating on the down-low, because…reasons. The most excuse we get for why Nina is hiding it is she thinks they won’t last very long and the fallout will be super awkward if it’s in public/if Sam knows about it. Which…well, okay, I guess that’s pretty fair.

We get to find out more about Aunt Margaret, she of the commoner love interest. Apparently she married a minor noble who got elevated to Duke upon the marriage, but because he used to be an actor it’s all so very scandalous.

I’m just…continually underwhelmed by the things this book considers controversial. I’m reading this in a world where Prince Andrew exists and I’m supposed to be shocked that some dude was a TV actor? Get your shit together, book.

OMG the ‘interview’ isn’t even that, it’s a press conference with a bunch of people shouting questions. And the first question is about who’s entertaining at the next royal function. Ugh.

After some small meaningless character shuffling, it’s Nina and Sam alone and they gossip about how Daphne is also in town.

Later that night Nina sneaks into Jeff’s room so they can mope about how Nina doesn’t want to be open yet and also there’s lots of kissing.

Enough of that, let’s see what Daphne is up to! Hopefully something more interesting than the lovebirds.

Turns out Daphne is skiing on Jeff’s favorite slope over and over again hoping to run into him. That finally happens and they take the ski lift up together and make small talk. Sheesh, at this rate I might as well be back with Nina.

Before skiing down again, Ethan corners Daphne and drops the ball about Nina. We get ‘that girl with split ends and atrocious fashion sense’ on the same page as ‘The Minister of the Treasury’s daughter’ with no apparent trace of irony. I guess everyone who isn’t titled is just automatically poor in this world?

Sheesh, she doesn’t even make any progress with Jeff, all those pages about skiing and small talk and just to drop one little nugget about the secret dating.

Okay, let’s see if Beatrice is doing anything worth reading about.

Beatrice is on a plane and moping because Conner is doing literally anything except pining after her, apparently. They’re arriving a day late because she was attending some event, but winter weather forces them to land and stay the night a few hours short of their destination.

And then we get…

There’s Only One Bed.

Yup, apparently the ONLY PLACE available to rent is a tiny cabin that has only one bed.

I would be thrilled if I cared at all about these characters and also if it wasn’t ridiculous. I mean, she’s got a whole security team. Where is her driver staying? The pilot? Any other security guards? No? It’s only Bea and Conner needing a place to stay in this blizzard?

Bea insists that Connor stop being all Bodyguard-y because “how could anyone get to us in a storm” and I really hope she gets assassinated. And then Connor gets fired.

They do the whole “oh, I’m so rich I don’t know how to cook, help me Connor” routine to make some dinner.

They get wibbly and talk about Teddy and also their forbidden longing.

“God, Bee, it’s all I’ve thought about for the better part of a year! So many times I’ve marched up to my commanding officer, to tell him that I need to be reassigned, because I care about my charge too much. Because it’s a torment, being around you when I can’t be with you.

Okay, but really, you need to be reassigned. Not because of your hurt fee-fees, but because you’re a danger to your charge when you’re emotionally compromised.

Also, why Bee instead of Bea?

They carry on a conversation that feels stitched together out of various stock lines, full on ‘I didn’t know love before I met you’ and ‘you’re the only person who makes me feel real.’ And also Bea going on about how she can’t make any meaningful choices and like YOU ARE A FUCKING FUTURE MONARCH WHAT DO YOU MEAN DOES AMERICA JUST NO LONGER MAKE POLICES, EVER?

Actually, probably, because then this book would have to grapple with how shit they are.

And then they make out.

I’m gonna go take a nap.