Next morning with Samantha, and thank goodness we are finally out of that ridiculous ball!

Her ears felt pinched. She reached up, realizing that she’d accidentally slept in the diamond earrings from the Crown Jewels collection.

Yeah, because those definitely aren’t kept under lock and key with someone whose sole job is to make sure they get back in the vault at the end of the night.

Also, ‘crown jewels’ doesn’t mean, like, just any jewelry owned by the royal family? Things have definitions, why do royalty books not want to learn what words mean?

But who cares about priceless antique (?) jewelry that Sam just throws around her room, because there’s cute boys to online stalk as Sam goes looking for info about Teddy-the-not-a-bear.

Sam winds up going on a jog with her dad and bemoans in her head the whole way about how they used to be closer before he became king. Several pages later when they finally start talking, it’s just more of the same clap about how Sam isn’t fulfilling her potential and just causes trouble instead.

Sam had halfheartedly sent in a bunch of college applications last spring. To no one’s shock, all the schools had accepted her. She knew that everyone expected her to go to college, but for what? It wasn’t as if she could ever get a normal people job, even if she’d wanted one.

Why not? Prince Andrew is a career naval officer. Prince Richard used to be an architect, and now works at a university. Princess Eugenie is an art gallery director. Prince Edward worked in television production. So why can’t you do whatever job you want, huh?

It’s 20-fucking-19 and your drama is stale.

Her dad even suggests she find an internship in a field that interests her, but nope, she’s still “wah, my life is so hard.”

Beatrice muses about her aunt, the king’s older sister, and how unfair it was that she couldn’t be queen because she was so brilliant and yadda yadda. That’s all this book cares to address, this kind of extremely Lean In Feminism that looks at nothing except the fact that women can’t be in charge. Nothing wrong with the system itself, nope, only thing wrong is with who’s running it, and if a woman could just be in charge of this patriarchal beast that will solve everything!

The subject turns to Bear Boy again, and when they get back to the palace and Beatrice joins the convo it comes out that she’s taking him on a date. Sam, of course, turns this into a chance to cry “why doesn’t anyone like me” all over again.

Probably because you’re boring, Sam.

If only they [Daphne and Beatrice] could commiserate about it, Daphne sometimes thought. How hard it was to be a woman in this world of monarchies, whose structures and traditions had all been built by men.

Maybe things would improve when Beatrice someday took the throne

Wow, way to almost get it and then instead just spell out the Lean In Feminism.

So anyway, Daphne is volunteering at a hospital, because got to keep up that good PR! Which, hey, I don’t care why she’s doing it as long as she’s good at it. And she seems to be, greeting everyone by name and with personable questions. Today she’s got press in tow, because she wants the good PR to make it into the papers and off-set some of this break-up kerfluffle.

Of course, Daphne didn’t expect the prince to really care that she was volunteering. But he would care that America cared, because he liked to be liked.

Jeff continues to be an insufferable git.

After the press part of her volunteering, Daphne goes alone to visit Himari, the injured girl from That Night. Himari is in a long-term coma.

And then guess what? THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S BACKSTORY TIME. Daphne and Himari been friends for ages, and OF FUCKING COURSE Himari’s parents are also nobility. From like 100 years back. Because as we all know, early 1900s was such a great time to be an East Asian immigrant in this country, so naturally they’d be ennobled.

JFC, this book is really just thoroughly uninterested in dealing with America’s past. Just slap a crown on it and pretend that having a monarch means we ain’t been xenophobic since inception. Because I’m sure whatever monarch came up in America would be sure to set an inclusive tone, mhmm, no obvious problems with that premise.

Okay, so anyway, Himari and Daphne great friends but also real peers in terms of looks and status and smarts. Daphne’s mom doesn’t like that, she wants Daphne to have only lesser friends, but Daphne is likes Himari too much. Alas, Himari also has a crush on Jefferson, and then there’s some vague vagueness about That Night again.

So Daphne shoved Himari down the stairs to protect her status as the prince’s beaux and now feels bad about it, just say so, there is no reason to be keeping this so vague!

Alright, let’s see what Nina is up to. Is it nothing? I bet it’s nothing.

She’s working in the library, which is ‘ required by the work-study terms of her scholarship’ and excuse, are we still trying to paint Nina has the Poor Friend? Nina, whose two moms have high-level government jobs? Fuck you, Nina, let a poor kid have your scholarship spot.

So Nina is hanging out with her friend while sorting books, subjecting us to several pages of small talk and also moping, until Jefferson calls and asks her out to dinner. So…Nina just bounces from her job, leaving the library with ZERO STAFF.

OKAY I AM MAD AT NINA NOW, I ALREADY DIDN’T LIKE HER BUT THIS BISH.

But we are not free of her, because of course we get to see their date. Jeff has completely emptied a high-end restaurant of all other patrons so that he and Nina can have dinner in private. Boy, you’d better fucking pay that wait staff all their missed tips.

“I was at my job. I work in the library, as part of my scholarship.” Nina said it proudly. She had no shame about where she came from.

Why the fuck should you, do we have to remind you about your famous power-couple parents???

Like, you’re so comfortable in your wealth and power that you’re fine just DITCHING YOUR JOB ON A WHIM.

Get some shame, would do you some good.

Nina mentions that all this finery and frippery isn’t “her,” so they both hastily abandon the restaurant which they had emptied for the night. I mean, they at least mention paying for the meal…still no answer on making up for lost tips…

“But Your Highness—all the food…”

“You and the staff should eat it. I bet you never get a chance to enjoy your own cooking.” Excitement blossomed on the chef’s face.

Dafuq? Don’t they have to eat the food so they can know it’s good/make recommendations?

Nina takes him to get some fast food instead, because of fucking course she did. This book can’t do anything that isn’t a Hallmark Movie Staple. The rest of their date is just mindless small talk about junk food, followed by Jeff doing a ‘poor me, people have expectations,’ followed by kissing.

Wow, so drama. Much excite.