Today, we open with Kelsea holding her first audience, allowing people to come in and present grievances and the like, but most importantly, see her and see that she’s alive and in charge.

the entire Queen’s Guard had been stationed in the audience chamber, even those who usually worked the night and slept during the day.

At a certain point, there really is such a thing as too many guards. If you have more people than positions, they’re just going to get confused and trip over each other, get in each other’s way, etc. Plus those tired guards are pretty useless, plus you now have no one outside the room to watch for things like people sneaking into Kelsea’s room to put poison on her pillow and kill her later.

A crowd of nobles thronged the room, many of them the same people who had attended her crowning. She saw the same clothing, the same hairstyles, and the same excess.

If they’re rewearing all their court attire, is it really worth complaining about? I mean, I know velvet and silk are going to be more expensive than scratchy peasant clothes, but…let’s face it, if one set of court dress breaks your bank, your bank was already broken.

I’m sure she just means that everything is the same style/on the same level of fashion, but I’m not really feeling charitable, and it’s not like rewearing one set of super nice clothes (even among nobility) was unheard of.

Kelsea had spent long hours preparing for this audience with Mace and Arliss, as well as with Marguerite, who had a surprising amount of information to share about the Regent’s allies in the nobility.

Well, she’s finally having some role to play besides set-piece-victim, tho I don’t know why it would be considered she spent a lot of time around the regent/his people. Really, the only person it would surprise is someone who thinks victims are useless.

We randomly get a past conversation between Marguerite and Kelsea dropped into the scene. It’s not really a flashback. The scene opened on the audience, then started talking about Kelsea’s prep for the audience, then started talking about their conversation last night. I hate this shit. I hate it, hate it, hate it. If you want to make a scene out of this, make a scene out of it, but don’t open on one thing then abandon your own opening. How am I supposed to care about anything going on if I’m distracted from said goings-on every two seconds? (Well, I mean, if I was disposed to care in the first place, but that ship has sailed.)

Anyway, the whole point of the conversation is that Marguerite talks about her beauty like it’s a curse and that no one values her for anything else, therefore she’s happy taking care of Kelsea’s servants’ kids because she has nothing else in life. Kelsea thinks she’d give anything to look like Marguerite, because “ For every man who valued Marguerite less because of her beauty, there would be a hundred men, and many women as well, who automatically valued her more. ”

Okay, so, first, die in a fire. Just literally jump in a fire and die. You literally know that Marguerite was literally sold into literal sexual slavery literally because someone ‘valued’ her looks, and then you claim that ‘a hundred men’ valuing looks is somehow a good thing? Die in a fire and then rot in the eternal brimstone pits of hell.

Second, I’m inclined to say Marguerite’s been through hell and can say anything she wants about the hows and whys and wherefores, but I still hate the line that stuff like this happens just because someone is beautiful. Rape and slavery are about power, and framing it as “well, I was just too pretty not to rape” is… Uhg. (Again, I don’t mind her saying it. She can resent her looks because of the shit that’s happened to her, cool, reasonable reaction, I’m sure appearance had a factor, if nothing else at least in why she was picked over someone else. But the whole conversation, both sides and the narration, are wholly focused on looks, lending an authorial weight to what Marguerite is saying, and fuck that shit straight to hell.)

Third, no, I’m still stuck on this, Kelsea knows what Marguerite has been through, probably can see her discomfort, and still is jealous when guys stare at her because she’s just so gosh-darn pretty and who could resist?!?! That’s just sick. That’s so fucking selfish and self centered and fucking sick. How can you look at someone’s pain and suffering and go “sigh, I wish I had that. Man, if men cared about nothing but my looks, I bet that cute Fetch guy would be falling at my feet.”

Finally, She had already noticed how, on those rare occasions when Marguerite emerged from the nursery, the guards’ eyes followed her across the room. There was no overtly boorish behavior, nothing for which Kelsea could take them to task

No, you absolutely can take them to task over that. You absolutely can say “fuck off, she’s been through hell, keep your eyes on your job and don’t make someone’s life more miserable, you are a grown up so display some self control.” There are exactly zero reasons for why you can’t tell someone to stop staring at a…at literally anyone, for any reason.

Mace, not liking the pockets of shadow created by the crowd, had ordered the walls hung with extra torches for the audience

Ah, yes, perfect for catching elaborate hairstyles on fire in an overly crowded room.

We get to see a few meaningless meet and greets, and in one Kelsea is gifted a tapestry which the woman says she made herself. Kelsea does not believe her because

the era in which noblewomen actually had to do their own handwork was long gone, and the tapestry bespoke considerable skill.

And…hobbies don’t exist anymore???? And why would that era be gone? What replaced it? You guys certainly don’t have an industrial revolution, and you’re not overrun with well fed servants who have the free time to learn artistic skills. What, exactly, makes Kelsea believe that this was not made by a rich woman who has lots of free time and nothing better to do? Nothing. There is no reason. None at all, besides the endless parade of examples of “everyone but the main characters suck donkey balls, BECAUSE I SAID SO.”

I am so fucking sick of this bullshit grimdark setting, it’s so boring. Even the eviltude has no nuance to it; it’s not like sitting around and making pretty tapestries and spending your money importing gold embroidery thread is, like, something noble and altruistic or anything. But no, can’t have people with interesting hobbies, nope, everyone has to be the EXACT SAME KIND OF BAD, and also we don’t need any textual proof of this, it’s just assumed from the get-go. GOSH, ISN’T MY BOOK SO GRIMDARK, I’M A SRS AUTHOR.

Andalie’s husband comes by to demand the return of his wife and children, and Kelsea says they’re not being forced to stay. Then there’s a several-pages-long screed against religion again because of course. Apparently Borwen thinks that because the bible says wives must be obedient, that means he can beat her. Kelsea, once again showing an astounding lack of knowledge on the matter, does not return with “WTF dude, literally the phrase after that one is ‘husbands love your wives like yourself.’”

I don’t understand why this book seems to take such a…old view on Christianity. I mean, yeah, there’s some bullshit going on in there and it was blown out into even more bullshit by a variety of secular societies, but…in an earlier chapter, one of the little pseudo history book openings says

This sect was less concerned with the moral salvation of souls than with the biological salvation of the human race, a salvation viewed as God’s great plan in raising the New World out of the sea . This strange mixture of disparate elements was both a marriage of necessity and a harbinger of things to come. God’s Church became a realist’s religion,

So, kind of looking like there was plenty of room in there for…you know, not wife-beating, because it’s totally possible to be a Christian and not punch your wife for talking back. Basically, this religion is supposed to be a mix of pre-Crossing Catholicism, Protestantism, and “pragmatism,” and if you take two modern day denominations of religion and add in some practical survival, then add more future, I don’t understand how you end up at medieval fundamentalism. I mean, given 300 years and the reintroduction of slavery, it’s possible to diverge from your roots in a bad way, but in that case why talk about that when introducing your religion?

I’ll tell you why, it’s because this book has no sense of history. I’m pretty sure it assumes that nothing at all happened in the past 300 years and no society-level changes have occurred, so what it was at the Crossing is the same as it still is, because FUCK HISTORY. I mean, really, the 300 years between Crossing and Kelsea might as well not be there, they’re so fucking useless.

Anyway, so Kelsea 100% agrees that this is 100% the only interpretation of the bible, just she doesn’t care because they’re not a theocracy so no beatings allowed. Except carefully, to avoid explicitly criticizing the church.

I have too much anger in me , Kelsea realized. But the thought was a proud one: whatever her other failings, she knew that the anger would always be there, a deep and tappable well of force.

First, all of your ‘anger’ is just thinking that you don’t like the screaming wife-beater, which…kind of underwhelming, let’s be honest. You spoke calmly and didn’t allow Mace to punch his stupid face in, so no, not too much anger going on there.

Second, using anger as a motivational force, not actually all that great. I mean, that’s how wife-beating happens. Just sayin.

The lady they stole the tiara from shows up next, so that Kelsea can immediately hate her, but then also frame all that hate as Lady Andrew’s fault. In the “uhg, this woman, she hates me already” way. No shit, your first interaction with this woman was to have one of your guards literally wrestle her in order to steal her property. And then you’ve thought nothing but nasty thoughts about her since then.

Didn’t the woman have anything to worry about besides her hair?

“Gosh, all these stupid ladies are stupid for worrying about their hair. Oh, here’s one not doing hair-stuff. Gosh, why isn’t she worrying about her hair?”

Oh, and apparently Lady Andrew has had plastic surgery, because it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit in the setting, if there’s a way for this book to insult a woman, THIS BOOK WILL USE IT, BY GUM!

Lady Andrew wants to know what’s going to be done about Mortmesne, since her lands are directly in the path between Mortmesne and New London. Kelsea brushes off her very valid concern.

Kelsea then assumes, in very uncharitable terms, that the woman is barren. And then we get:

“Then you don’t risk much in the lottery, do you? You have no children, you don’t look strong enough for labor, and you’re really too old to appeal to anyone for sex.”

I can’t even. I have no words for how stupid, spitefully, cruel, and horrifically sexist this is. I hate this character so much that I cannot process how much I hate her, all I can do is seethe with hatred for every single self-centered, hypocritical, smug, pretentious, sexist ounce of her.

Lady Andrew’s faults:

Have elaborate hair.

Bring a very expensive dress that’s too small (but can be sold or repurposed, lots of other people brought useless but expensive stuff).

Care about impending war.

Have the temerity to ask what’s going to happen when said impending war comes onto her lands.

Not have kids.

(Alright, fine, she also calls the lottery ‘fair’ and did nothing to protect her subjects in the last invasion, but these things all came up after the book had thoroughly demonized her for the above reasons, making it seem more like her actual eviltude is an afterthought next to, you know, being a woman who doesn’t like Kelsea.)

What does she see when she looks in the mirror? Kelsea wondered. How could a woman who looked so old still place so much importance on being attractive? She had read about this particular delusion in books many times, but it was different to see it in practice. And for all the anguish that Kelsea’s own reflection had caused her lately, she saw now that there was something far worse than being ugly: being ugly and thinking you were beautiful.

This literally comes after Andrews gets so shaking mad that she looks about to fly into a violent rage, consequences be damned. I have no idea why Kelsea suddenly starts thinking “gorsh, why so invested in looks” like this. We have zero proof that Lady Andrews thinks like this, or even that she cares about her looks at all beyond just “dressing as if I’m going to court,” since it’s not like someone can show up shlubby for that whether they have any personal investment in their looks or not.

Also, Kelsea, I hate you and I hope bad things happen to you.

Lady Andrew retaliates for her public shaming by pointing out that Kelsea herself has never been entered into the lottery and in the case of an invasion would probably also barricade herself in her castle, so she has no room to be high and mighty. One of the guards speaks up to share in the public shaming (he was refused when he sought shelter during the first invasion) and then Lady Andrews is thrown out of the room.

What is the point of all this? Why am I even doing this? Not a single fucking thing is happening. Everything is pointless and stupid. “People who aren’t Kelsea’s friends are evil, all of them. They do evil things and say evil things and there is zero variety in their evilness. It’s just an endless parade of people being evil to show off that Kelsea is good, even though not agreeing with the evil people is pretty bare minimum.” THERE IS NO POINT TO THIS, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT RANDOM INSTANCE NUMBER 23094820394 OF SOMEONE ELSE BEING BAD, TELL A FUCKING STORY YOU USELESS WASTE OF HARD DRIVE SPACE GOOD FUCKING GOD HOW CAN YOU BE THIS BAD AND STILL THIS FUCKING BORING?

This chapter is super fucking long, so I’m going to skip a bunch of bullshit, like the several pages of Kelsea eating dinner and speculating about Andalie’s specialness and also more GRIMDARK SEX STUFF, WOOO, I’M JUST GOING TO ADD MORE SEX VIOLENCE UNTIL SOMEONE CALLS MY BOOK GOOD 😀 😀 😀

Kelsea has a long, long, long “dream” in which she lands in the head of a random woman while random woman’s village gets invaded. It’s Thorne’s group, rounding up people to sell as slaves in the hopes of staving off an invasion.

Kelsea wakes up and demands that everyone get dressed because they’re leaving immediately, and her guards and Mace all insist she was having a dream. Okay, they’ve been with her a while now, they should know better than to say this. She killed a dude with magic, and also she doesn’t seem the type to not know the difference between a nightmare and magical visions. Normal people don’t have a nightmare and then insist on immediately traveling cross-country, so if she’s been normal in this regard so far and then suddenly switches, that’s a sign to pay attention to, not to brush off.

Kelsea finally says “STFU, I’m your queen, we’re going” and then also slings some sapphire magic around for good measure. (literally, she throws Mace and Pen with magic.) They grudgingly agree but also convince her to cut her hair and pretend to be a soldier, and they’ll also pretend at soldier instead of Queen’s Guard.

While cutting her hair, Kelsea and Andalie talk about boys. You know, because. We do find out that Andalie married her husband because she once loved him, but she words it really oddly. She says she didn’t have a choice about her feelings, talks about everything pretty obliquely. It’s just…really odd. Why not just say “he wasn’t always an abusive ass, that started later,” since…ya know, that’s how abuse generally works?

Then Kesea bemoans how much she looks like a boy without her long hair, because I just fucking hate this book.